Distance'll Make Us Fonder
by 1stDjinn
Summary: Riley navigates her post graduate life with & without Lucas, while Maya has some news. (Joshaya is my only definitive pairing, everyone else is just a bunch of confused young adults trying to live their best lives.) Rated T for language and adult themes. Please R&R! Open to suggestions and criticisms.
1. Chapter 1

Since the day a young Maya heard singing from an open window, climbed in and found her brown haired ray of sunshine the two had been best friends. Riley was the yin to her yang, they were two peas in a pod. In their teen years, each of them had solidified their reputation as the other's opposite. Maya was impulsive and brave and wild while Riley was a bright, rule-abiding and cautious. Riley was brave too _,_ Maya would reflect sometimes, because she believed in things like hope and the good in people whereas Maya knew better. The infuriating thing about Maya's best friend was her inclination to just ignore the bad in the world. Sometimes Maya thought she wasn't Riley's best friend, denial was.

"Riley, this is happening. It's okay to be scared or sad."

"Nothing is happening Peaches because distance means nothing to a love like ours. It happened to my parents and now it's happening to us and it worked out for them so it'll work out for us. Besides, Zay has a girlfriend in Texas and they seem to be doing just fine."

Word had gotten to Lucas that his Grandpappy Joe was in the hospital not doing well and that he should go visit him "sooner rather than later." He was an adult now, he knew what that meant. His grandpappy was dying and he needed to go be with him.

Lucas had procrastinated telling Riley because he had been busy with recommendations and clinicals for vet school. He had ignored his mother's constant badgering to call his grandfather back and now the thought that he may not ever speak to him again made him feel like a frightened child. In the years Riley and Lucas had been together, he had known that breaking bad news to her was quite the task. He was supposed to be strong and fearless but his voice shook when he had told her.

"Well when are you coming back?" Riley had asked cocking her head to the side ever so slightly like puppies do sometimes, she did it unknowingly but it usually made Lucas smile. They sat shoulder to shoulder on the maroon loveseat in their shared apartment.

"I don't know Riley. I'm gonna be gone for a couple of weeks at least, more or less depending on how bad it is."

"How bad what is?"

"Grandpappy Joe, he's sick. They don't think he's going to make it."

"I'm so sorry Lucas, take the time you need. We'll be fine." The words had felt forced, even for her. Sure they'd make it through anything, but every ounce of her wanted to ask him to not go and leave her. She kissed him and he smoothed her hair in a way that always made her feel like everything was going to work out.

"Babe there's one more thing," Her stomach dropped. She knew Lucas and 'baby's and 'honey's and all their variations only escaped his lips in the direst of circumstances.

"I heard back from Dr. Furler. He wants to meet me for an interview."

"Who?"

"You know honey, he heads up those residency placement programs in College Station. Remember? We talked about it." He was lying of course, this was the first he'd mentioned this to Riley and hoped she wouldn't call him out on it.

"College Station, what is that, Jersey?" She asked, her soft tone turning to disgust, her face scrunching.

"Not exactly. It's where A&M is." He tiptoed around the word cautiously, he didn't want to upset her more than she already was but it was inevitable. She was going to blow. He felt it.

"TEXAS A&M?!" She shouted accusing. "Are you freakin kidding me? When did we talk about this?!"

"Okay, we might have had this conversation when you were asleep."

"Lucas Bartholomew Friar, how dare you?!"

"Riley you know that's not my middle name, can you just calm down for a second?"

"CAN I CALM DOWN? I don't know, _honey,_ can I?" _Okay, I deserved that,_ Lucas thought to himself. _She hates it when I patronize her._

"Heading to Texas, got your work and school all sorted, anything else I should know? What, you got a wife down there too or something?!"

"Riley, I applied to a bunch of places all over, just silly places, I didn't think I had a chance so I didn't think it was important to tell you. It's a really hard program to get into." He looked sincerely at her with wounded eyes. She sighed. She was happy for him, she really was.

"So where else did you apply?" She asked trying to lighten the tone, bumping shoulders with him.

"Guam." He laughed, overly enunciating the word. "California. North Carolina. Oregon." He got up, decisively. "There was something I realized though even as I was filling out all these applications though." Riley got up on her tippy toes to kiss him, "And what's that?"

"I love you."

"Hardly the epiphany, Friar."

"No, like really really really love you." He pecked her lips after every _really_ , it made Riley smile in that big toothy way he loved. "And Riley Rhiannon Matthews, I can't live without you."

"That's not my middle name," She smiled with her eyebrows furrowed, concerned and suspicious of this sudden affection.

"I know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that wherever I do end up, I want it to be with you." He let go of her and got down on one knee, pulling out a small red ring box.

She expected a purple jelly bean in it, this was a near annual event for them. Ever since they decided to become a couple in middle school, every couple of years there was that darned ring box. Like clockwork, every one or two years, usually during a difficult time or change in their lives out came the box. Lucas's best friend Zay joked that every anniversary they had to renew their vows. The color of jellybean changed from time to time. When they had graduated it was a grass flavored bean and Riley didn't talk to him for two whole days. She said it was the meanest thing he'd ever done and she was probably right. That's what he got for listening to Maya. He didn't usually go through the sillyness of taking a knee for her, Riley wondered what was different this time. She let out a small gasp when the box opened and in the place of a jellybean there was a rose gold band with a single brightly shining diamond in the middle.

"And I'm asking if you'll do me the honor of allowing me to tag along wherever you go. I can't imagine growing old with anyone but you. Riley Matthews, would you allow me the privilege of being your husband?"

Author's Note: Go easy on me guys, it's my first fic! REALLY ROUGH first draft. This started out a Joshaya idea and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense for Riley and Lucas. Maybe a one shot? Let me know if you guys like want more because I have some ideas about where the pair can go from here. I appreciate feedback!


	2. Chapter 2

"Josh-oo-a," Maya sang as she crashed down beside the tall brunette on a couch at Topanga's, "I know something that you don't know." Her grin was as big as the cheshire cat's. Josh had trouble getting over how her blue eyes always sparkled, especially when she had a secret. Mischief just danced in them. Her undone golden locks and the slightest of blush that always adorned her cheeks naturally, they managed to floor him every day.

"What do you know wife?" He grinned back at her, teasing.

"Hey now, put a lid on it. I know a lot of things. Like I know that Huckleberry is going to Texas."

"I gathered as much."

"And I know that Huckleberry might be proposing…" She lifted her eyebrows, anticipating a reaction from her man.

"Well obviously, that's his thing isn't it? The rest of us buy flowers and he proposes. He really should calm down with all that. When he really proposes no one's gonna buy it."

"That's now. He's doing it now." Maya explained impatiently still awaiting a reaction.

"What? Isn't he supposed to ask my permission or something?"

"You're not her father."

"Right, shouldn't he ask Cory and Topanga for permission?"

"Well, if you must know being the old fashioned gentleman he is, he did ask for her hand a couple of years back."

"When?"

"Grass jelly bean, that was supposed to be a ring but then apparently she had a conversation with Topanga about asking him during graduation and Lucas caught wind of it and he didn't want to steal her moment."

"What our little feminist chickened out?"

"I don't know what happened. She only talked to Topanga about and she still thinks no one knows about it. She didn't ask though, it really hurt him."

"So what? Is he supposed to ask and she's supposed to drop everything and go to Texas with him? Fat chance of that."

"That's not why he's asking. He's just trying to marry his woman."

"I guess not all of us can have themselves a whirlwind romance," he winked.

"Or jump on the back of a motorcycle and elope," she replied in hush tones.

"And when are we telling them, my beautiful bride?"

"I don't see why we have to, you're not exactly secretive about it." She still hated the idea of telling anyone. It had been almost a year since they'd eloped. The Matthews and Hart-Hunters still believed they were dating and much to their dismay, living together. She resented everyone for assuming that she and Josh weren't waiting until marriage to have sex, like Lucas and Riley. Everyone practically endorsed them moving together.

Everyone had assumed correctly of course since only hours after moving in together, Josh and Maya had consummated their relationship. They hadn't planned it but they didn't regret it, and they didn't feel guilty the next three times they did that night either.

'Maya Hart Matthews' it said on her driver's license. Her mail came addressed that way too, she'd had changed her name legally. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed bizarre their families didn't figure it out already. Neither of them were secretive. Short of an announcement, it seemed like everyone ignored the tiny clues they left lying around their lives. She was an artist though and ever since she had gotten out of college, she had been commissioned to produce work for an exhibit. Her and her work was going to be seen and she didn't admit it often but Josh was her muse. She most hated the fact that the excitement of their secret was so inspiring. It was exhilarating and sexy and she hated that it could potentially hurt so many people but at the same time, she loved the knowledge that he was only hers and she was only his and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

"Are you sure they don't already know?"

"I think they do but are torturing us. Don't you want a big beautiful wedding?"

"We had a wedding and it was the best day of my life. If you mean a dress and the whole showing us off the world thing, I wouldn't mind it." She laced her thin fingers through his, she wore a lot of rings and only took them off when she painted but she was considering taking the rest of them off and just wearing the important one.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, I think I am." They began to walk, hand in hand and she turned to him and said quite unexpectedly, "I don't know why but I'm having the strangest feeling right now."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I don't know why but I feel like Riley is going to say no."

 **Author's Note:** This chapter was hastily written because too much was going on in my brain and I couldn't sleep. Will Maya's feeling prove to be accurate? How will the family take the news? What's going on with the rest of the gang? I don't know, stay tuned to find out I guess :)


	3. Chapter 3

"Why are we home?" Josh questioned his blonde beauty as she unlocked the red front door to their two bedroom apartment.

"Because I am trying to convince you to spend some time together as man and wife before our world explodes." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, undeniably to get Josh to smile and distract him from the impending doom she thought awaited the both of them.

Meanwhile, in their own home Lucas awaited patiently on bended knee for the raven haired beauty's response to what was arguably the most important question he's asked in his life.

"Marry me, Riley."

"Lucas, I… don't know what to say." Tears filled her eyes, she hadn't yet deciphered if they were happy ones or not.

"Say yes."

"...Yes" He slipped the ring on her slender finger and they kissed deeply as Riley tried to push thoughts of doubt out of her mind. She had a wonderful boyfriend now fiance. He was handsome and supportive and they'd been together for nearly a decade at this point. Their relationship was solid and sturdy, the type of love that could withstand any and everything and so far, it had. Somehow her heart sank wondering if marriage wasn't just another obstacle to overcome. She should be happy shouldn't she? Commitment should make her happy. Lucas should. All of this should, but she couldn't help but question if they could survive this, their greatest obstacle yet.

* * *

The two laid next to one another, a sweaty spent pile of limbs as Josh looked toward Maya and tucked an unruly golden curl behind her ear.

"You know what the best part of being married is?"

"Hmm?" She asked him while battling the heaviness of her eyelids, "The sex?" She laughed.

"Sort of. I'm certainly not complaining but no, it's this." He kissed her nose ever so lightly. " I get to see you ways no one else does. The glow after we sleep together, the dozing off, the messy eating, the yelling while you clean. The conversations with yourself while you're getting dressed."

It had taken Maya years to finally accept the fact that someone could want her, all of her and not want to leave. She still had days she struggled with it. It was a constant fight to allow herself to be loved but he made it so easy when he said things like that. Her knee jerk reaction every time he adored her knee jerk reaction was to push him away out of fear but he kept trying.

"No, husband," She opened her eyes and smiled at him, "the best part of being married is that I get to share everything with you. We are our own secret club that no one's allowed into; our jokes, our dates, our chores, I can't imagine anything without you."

"I love you so much Maya Penelope Hart."

"And I love you." She ran her fingers through his hair as he scooted closer to her in bed before she announced, "I am so inspired right now!"

"Are you?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes," she proclaimed proudly, "I need a medium ASAP." she tiptoed out of bed. She grabbed a grey button down shirt off the floor, one she had so eagerly pulled off of Josh not half an hour ago, and put it on.

"That's mine," Josh stated.

"Oh I know." She grinned big, buttoning half of the buttons on the shirt.

"Well what am I going to wear?"

"Exactly." She winked at him. He sighed, trying not to smile at how adorable and sexy she was all at once. "Okay but do not get paint on that!"

"Relax Josh, you know how neat your wife is!" She sang prancing into the living room where a flabbergasted Topanga sat on their couch.

"Used my key. I see now that I should have called." turning red in the face. Maya didn't know whether it was from embarrassment or anger or both.

"Uh baby, we got company!" Maya nervously shouted, her eyes never leaving the couch. "We were going to tell you, I swear."

Topanga smiled warmly, "You should be glad I came alone or you'd be a widow."

"Thank God you're not mad."

"Honey, I'm furious. Not because I just found out but because I missed your wedding, you know you're like a daughter to me…" Huh, she thought to herself. "You're like very young sister to me?" She thought aloud, looking puzzled.

"Who was supposed to come with you?"

"Your niece in law. Best friend. Confidante. Soul sister. Piece of your heart. Keeper of all your secrets."

"Okay okay, I know. I feel awful but keeper of secrets is a little much."

"Joshua Gabriel Matthews are you in trouble…" Topanga spoke loud enough for him to hear him in the other room.

"Shit." Joshua whispered to himself, sitting up in bed.

"An important guest babe?"

"The importantest." Maya said, she used her saccharine 'if i'm cute enough, i can disarm this situation' voice.

"Mommy," Josh cried out for help while entering the living room.

"You wish I was your mom, kid." Topanga looked sternly. "Look you guys are adults, I love you both. I'm very hurt you kept this from me, but there are more important people than me that I'm assuming you haven't mentioned this to either."

Josh kept his eyes fixed on the floor, he had no excuses for himself. Maya felt awful that the blame was coming down on him, it had been her idea to keep it from their family and friends and despite his many protests, she had ignored his pleas to include them in that part of their lives.

"Topanga, soon. We promise. Josh wanted to tell you guys, it's been killing him keeping this from Cory."

"By all means, talk about me like I'm not here…" Josh muttered under his breath. Maya knew his mood was turning and this awkwardness was getting to him so she got up and kissed him on the cheek chastely.

"I have to get dressed," she said, "I'll leave you guys to talk." She left the room and grabbed her phone and sent Riley an urgent and concise text.

 **BAY WINDOW NOW.**

It was time to have that long awaited, much dreaded talk.

A **uthor's Note:** As I'm writing some of my ships are changing, can you tell? Sorry about the delay, kind of been in a weird headspace lately and haven't been coping as I'd like to be. Next chapter might be shorter, fair warning. Don't forget to review and let me know what you think! CC keeps me going 3


	4. Chapter 4

"Coming through Matthews! Is Riley here?" Maya shouted, barging into Cory and Topanga's living room.

"You know she doesn't live here anymore, right?" a teenaged Auggie scoffed, rolling his eyes at the blonde making her way to Riley's old room.

She sat down in the bay window hoping desperately to feel comfortable and safe like it was supposed to make her feel, instead all she felt was knots in her stomach. Riley was going to be so mad, she hasn't kept anything like this from her in years. Maya was freaking out, she fidgeted with her diamond studded silver wedding band. Josh had gotten it for her with his first Christmas bonus at the Times. It was the only jewelry she had worn today other than the ring Riley and Maya both wore. She had grown and it only fit on her pinky finger or on a chain around her neck, but she needed it in plain sight today. She needed to remember how strong their love for one another was, that this was one small secret against the friendship of lifetimes and the secret didn't stand a chance.

"Hello father!" Riley shouted as she stomped past Cory on the living room couch to her old room.

"You know you don't live here anymore, don't you?" He yelled as she closed the door behind her.

"Peaches." She smiled warmly as she rushed to the window, hugging her.

"Hey honey," Maya said. She wasn't one for physical affection in her younger years but she'd grown accustomed the comfort that it was now. She had missed her best friend, with the chaos of everyday life in these recent months the pair hardly saw one another.

"I've got news." Riley said her face bracing in the most awkward of ways.

"Me too?"

"Oh god please don't be pregnant, I can't take it right now."

"God no," Maya laughed, "you first though, I can't wait to hear what Huckleberry's done now."

"He doesn't know when he's coming back from Texas and he's potentially getting a job there…"

"And?" Maya asked expectedly, "We're not addressing that rock on your finger."

"I said yes." She sighed.

"You don't sound excited." Maya frowned.

"I don't know if I want to, I mean he's essentially asking me to go with him right?"

"I mean yeah Riles, that's part of being married,"

"Well, I don't think I want to go to Texas. I'm not the girl that's gonna beg him to stay or keep him from living his dream. Texas has one of the most prestigious vet programs in the country, I know that, I'm not taking that from him but I have my life here."

"Wow."

"I mean I love him, I really think I do but I don't want to get married and have kids and be boring you know?"

"Nothing wrong with married and boring."

"Just because it suits you doesn't mean it's for everyone, Peaches." Riley said staring down at her own two rings. Maya's breath hitched as Riley said words she couldn't imagine.

"You know." Maya sighed willfully, her shoulders slumping with relief.

"Of course I know, I have this sixth sense about you. You can't hide crap from me even if you wanted. It's the strangest thing since ever, I've been able to feel anything major going on with you whenever you're not around." Riley laughed, "You have no fucking idea how awkward you losing your virginity was for me."

"You weren't there!" Maya contested.

"Exactly, it was like some fresh circle of hell for me, I had goosebumps and I remembered you and Uncle Josh were out and I somehow just knew. It was gross but it's got its perks. It makes me kind of like a superhero, like if you were ever in danger my spidey senses would tell me soon enough for me to come rescue you." She grinned widely at her best friend.

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not, I didn't really want to acknowledge you're my aunt either." Riley laughed. "Welcome to the family Peaches, I don't know if I'm ready to be where you're at though."

"Well it's a big decision, you're allowed to take all the time in the world, I'm sure Huckleberry would wait till the world ended if you asked him to. Regardless, me and Josh are announcing us soon so dinner with us, tonight?" As if Maya even had to ask. Riley nodded excitedly, she loved their little double dates even though they'd been fewer and far between.

"Do you mind if we invite the guys though?" She followed up. Riley didn't know how she felt about that, she had missed her best friend and just needed some time with her, the spouses or to-be spouse in her case were acceptable additions because she didn't want to be rude and now that everyone will know Maya's married, Josh will kind of be an extension to her (as if he wasn't already.)

"I don't know, I guess… no plus ones though! I'm tired of learning names for those two's revolving door of girlfriends." It was true, Maya had felt the same. Zay and Farkle had blossomed into quite the womanizing pair and they brought their girlfriends around constantly, never the same ones two weeks in a row.

For Zay it was about the sex and for Farkle it was about the uncomplicated companionship. During college, he and Isadora had hardly had any time to spend with one another between their respective double majors, extracurriculars, internships and auditions. Smackle had told him one evening after one of their last dates that they should revisit the topic of "us" in a few years after they had achieved their goals and conquered the world. He smiled and agreed, hurt but impressed by the perfect proportions of romanticism and practicality of it.

Since then he had a number of girlfriends (if you could call them that) that he would bring around the group and soon Isadora started coming by less and less, eventually phasing herself out to avoid the unwarranted jealousy she felt. Riley had wondered to herself if he was trying to sooth himself with the company of other ladies or if his motives were more malevolent towards Smackle. He was hurt after all. In the end, she decided he wasn't capable of that and Maya never took his actions that seriously. _After all,_ she would joke, _more time for Riley & I, your real loves. _Riley never made that joke, she was afraid of saying those words even jokingly, she didn't want to entertain thoughts like that even in jest.

Isaiah had always been a flirt and ever since his breakup with Vanessa, he was a free man. He relished the freedom and took the responsibilities of wingman very seriously. Farkle was biotech genius and also one of the greatest actors the NY Theatre Company had ever seen, naturally women threw themselves at him. "A little poaching never hurt no one," Zay had said once.

"I think by definition poaching is hurtful…" Riley rolled her eyes in response to Zay sliding away to collect a young actress's phone number while Farkle had been wrapping up a rehearsal. Farkle had commented about how they were just taking these girls out and friendship couldn't possibly be hurtful. After all, even dating wasn't bad as long as no one was getting hurt and the girls that went out with these two guys never expected anything, just the way the guys preferred it.

Maya found the time the guys spent together charming and endearing, especially in contrast to the Farkle she once knew and Zay was just the same old Zay but Riley started seeing them less and less, troubled by the courses their relationships took. She stared down at her rings still and questioned what about Farkle's relationships were so troubling to her. Was that freedom and openness a thing of envy to her? She never thought about it until the prospect of marriage to Lucas came up but could she be so critical of Farkle's flings because that's something she wanted? She was raised to be so puritanical about monogamy and lifelong love that even though she wanted to not be a virgin by 25, she still was and she had no reason why other than than it was something that was expected of her and she'd been in the same relationship for nearly a decade. When she first had her doubts about commitment, the first person she'd wanted to call was the Shawn Hunter her father was best friends with way back in the day, but that man no longer existed. In his place was a wise fatherly man that, though spontaneous and approachable, still was a guy who eventually gave up his qualms about marriage, children and growing up. She needed someone who shared her fears, would understand and wouldn't judge.

"Actually Peaches, can we do this a different night? I have something I kind of need to take care of."

"Sure hun, I guess we're doing dinner with the parents tonight… Yikes." Maya exaggerated the fear on her face with a visible cringe that only made Riley laugh.

"You guys will do great, I'm so sorry I can't be there tonight," she lied, pulling her phone out to text.

 **Kinda urgent, can we talk?**

The reply came in an instant, **long time no talk.** A second reply followed closely after **drinks tonight at fat cat's**

 **Sure.**

 **Author's Note:** Are you guys enjoying Riley and Maya's psychic link aka spidey senses? Maya's may need some honing but it was something silly I wanted to write in from the get-go. Also, I don't know how the ships will fare these next few chapters but I really hope you guys will stay with me through it all, I think it'll be worth it all in the end or maybe it won't I haven't thought super far ahead. As always, thanks for reading and I appreciate any and all reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

Riley arrived to the dimly lit bar pool hall called Fat Cat's over an hour early, she had stopped at home before arriving to change out of her work clothes and put on a bit of mascara and nude lipstick before she went back out. She changed into a floral mini dress with a faux leather jacket over top of it and wore a thick beaded necklace that coordinated well with her gladiator sandals. She wore a ton of bracelets and rings to distract from her engagement ring, a trick she had recently picked up from her best friend. It didn't work of course, not for her at least, the rose gold ring and bright diamond still stuck out like a sore thumb.

She loved this bar, she wasn't particularly fond of drinking but the girl loved herself some billiards and places like this made her feel edgy and dangerous. She was in no actual danger of course because she insisted on talking to all the regulars. Despite the majority of the bar's clientele being huge tattooed bikers, she made friends with most all of them. They were either refreshed by her pleasant demeanor or impressed by how unintimidated she was.

"Sunshine!" a heavyset man in his 50's shouted as she entered the bar.

"Clive! How are you!?" She chirped.

"Can't complain honey, Diedre just passed the PRAXIS she's gonna be a full fledged teacher soon!" He beamed proudly talking about his daughter, "What's new in Rileytown?"

"Well, lookey here!" she flashed her diamond ring, imagining what any other woman her age would do had she just got engaged. She'd play the part as best as she'd allow herself.

"Congratulations little missy, drinks on me!" He grinned as he smacked a 50 onto the bar and gestured towards her to the bartender, "It's a special day, get her whatever she needs! Shots, food, drinks, whatever, you got it?" The bartender nodded as he turned to Riley, "What're we drinking, sunshine?"

"Uhhhh…." She had time to kill before the meeting, "let's start with a shot of Jose silver,"

"Donnie Barnes, regular guy!" She exclaimed when Farkle had gotten there. He really didn't look regular at all, he hardly ever did. He wore jeans and a tee shirt and the occasional hoodie and beanie but he stood half a foot taller than Riley with perfect coiffed hair and unreasonably clean shoes. She didn't know why that always seemed like an important detail but it did. She was more than several shots in when he spotted her.

"Riley, it's been a while. Congratulations." He half smiled at her, gesturing at her ring.

"What, does it have like a beacon lit around it? Don't even let me work to it! Thanks!"

"Why are you yelling?" He squinted at her closely, instantly regretting it. She smelled like a walking talking margarita.

"I don't know Farkle, why does anyone do anything?!"

"How many has she had?" He asked the bartender who just shrugged in reply.

"Okay you wanted to talk, should we leave and do this another time or can you keep your voice down?"

"I can be quiet," she whispered loudly. She didn't believe she was that drunk but her eyes were watering from the last shot and she felt a familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Farkle,"

She continued to whisper loudly.

"Yes, Riley?" he asked patiently.

"I'm joining the Peace Corps."

"That's nice Riley, since when?"

"Don't tell."

"Okay, I won't," he humored her.

"I decided when Lucas proposed," she turned to the bartender for the second half of her sentence, "Another!"

"Excuse me one second," he gestured towards her with his pointer, with his other hand he shielded his mouth from Riley's side as he said to the bartender, "Can you keep em coming but instead of whatever she's having just get her hydrated?"

"You want me to give her shots of water?" The bartender asked incredulously.

"Yeah thank you, that'd be great." Farkled smiled awkwardly at an unamused bartender.

"Okay, while that sounds like quite the adventure, it also sounds an awful lot like running away." Farkle said turning his attention towards her.

"Grandpappy is dying and Lucas is going to Texas and he got into a program there and then he proposed so I'm supposed to go with him and I said yes and I don't know why and I don't think I wanna go to Texas or get married. I wanna travel, I wanna help people, I don't wanna have babies. I don't wanna be Maya."

"Whoa Maya's having a baby?" Farkle gasped.

"No no, she's married and boring, she thinks we should all be married and boring too." He didn't dwell on anything she was saying right now, those were Maya's secrets to tell and if/ when she wanted to tell them, she would.

"Okay well you wanna know what I think?"

"It depends," she said suddenly sounding much more sober, " do you wanna hear what I have to say about your life?"

"I don't know, maybe. Okay. Here's what I think, I'm hearing a lot of what others think you should do. What makes you happy? Does the thought of growing old with Lucas make you happy? Does going to Texas?"

"Why do you sleep with so many girls?" Riley asked him honestly, curiosity had gotten the better of her and while Farkle had anticipated this conversation, he was surprised at the lack of judgment in her voice.

"You wanna know what I found out makes me a good actor?"

"That's not what I asked," she sounded irritated at the change of topic.

"I like the idea of being in love, right? But I don't think I can open myself up like that again, I don't think I have it in me so instead I kind of sate myself with those looks of wonder someone gives you when they're learning you. I don't know who that is though Riley. Not really. I'm still not sure who I am but I love the idea of someone knowing me and being able to remind me."

"And sex does that?" Riley wondered aloud still confused as to whether he was even trying to answer the question.

"Not even close but it's a nice distraction from being who everyone thinks I should be," he sighed, "And fun." he smirked, shrugging.

"I'm a virgin."

"I know, you and Lucas are waiting till marriage."

"He wants us to so we are..." She overshared in an almost sing songy way dropping her head down to the bar.

"What?" Farkle asked confused.

"I think virginity is a ridiculous concept and I kind of resent Lucas for wanting to wait, I mean we've done… other stuff but I just don't see the big deal of waiting till some piece of paper tells you ya can put Part A in Slot B" She stated clearly as she perked back up.

"This doesn't seem like you Riley."

"No, it does Farkle, if you were around more you'd know that and so would Maya. If I was more brave so would Lucas but I don't believe all the same things I used to, I don't think a person's worth is tied to their sexuality and I think virginity is a bullshit social construct and so is marriage and I don't want to be anyone's property and I don't want anyone to be mine and I just wanted to have this conversation with someone that understood and wouldn't judge, not someone that hides in strangers' beds because feelings are unpleasant and inconvenient."

"Listen! Feelings ARE unpleasant and inconvenient and that's the truth of the matter but some of us date a lot & have sex, and some of us do shots & yell at their friends who're trying to help them, and some of us stress eat & some of us cry but you don't shit on other people's way of coping, okay?" He raised his voice, visibly agitated. "Especially when you weren't there," he added quietly after a while.

He looked up at Riley whose mascara was streaked on her face. "I'm sorry for not being there for you."

"Riles it's okay, neither of us has really been a great friend lately," he said wiping a tear from her face.

"I'm so sorry," she said embracing him, "do you feel like we're all drifting apart?" more tears coming down her face.

"Yeah, more than you know," he truthfully answered, rubbing her back hoping to console her as best as he could. The familiar feeling in her stomach stirred again.

"Farkle?"

"Hmm?" He asked, still immersed in their hug.

"I'm gonna throw up."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey," Farkle smiled at just waking Riley from his seat on the side of the bed.

"Where… Oh hi," She replied sheepishly.

"It's 2am, you're at my apartment since you're going to ask," He spoke fast paced and knowingly in typical Farkle fashion, "here, those are for you," he said gesturing to the nightstand beside her with a plate with a BLT sandwich, a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. Her phone was on the charger next to the glass of water.

"Yeah, we have the same phone so I'm just using Zay's charger. He's out for the night, Lucas called and left a voicemail. I watched it ring, I thought it best not to answer. I set it to do not disturb a couple of hours ago so if you wanna say it died, you can."

Though unlike her, the pounding in her head and the soreness of her body demanded she asked the question, "Did we…?" she didn't want to finish the question, he knew what she was asking.

"Of course not Riley and honestly I'm a little troubled by how hazy you think my idea of consent is, but regardless nothing even close to that happened, we just talked some of the night between your bouts of vomiting. I watched you sleep for a little bit to make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit and die and now you're up."

"I should get home," Riley smiled, though embarrassed.

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, I think I'm good." She stayed long enough to take some ibuprofen and eat the sandwich and then she was on her way, getting home around 4 but Lucas wasn't home. With a knotted stomach she went to bed again hoping to shake the loud ringing in her head. She woke again at noon to get a glass of water to find Lucas on the sofa with his head in his hands. She sat next to him.

"We need to talk." She said to him. He didn't lift his head.

"Where's your ring?" His voice trembled with every word. She glanced down at her hands, realizing it was gone.

"You're not asking me where I was." A small clink was the only sound between them as he dropped the missing ring on the coffee table.

"Zay found it, on Farkle's bedroom floor." He spoke slowly, with eyes unmoving from the ring.

"Okay. Are you going to let me say what I need to say?"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? How can you possibly ask me that?" Riley exclaimed, her face growing hot with anger.

"Did you sleep with him?" He asked louder this time.

"I'm not dignifying that with a response." She was indignant and offended she wasn't even being offered a chance at explanation.

"You're not denying it Riley!"

"Because you're not interested in knowing why I was there or what I was doing, just in accusing me and honestly if you think I would have sex with a mutual friend of ours on the day we got engaged, I don't even know why we're having this conversation. But to answer your question, my precious chastity is in tact." She spit sardonically at him.

"If you don't trust me, I don't know how we're going to do this whole distance thing." She continued, her tone softening.

"Distance? Why would we be long distance?"

"Because you're going to Texas" Riley said eyebrows furrowed.

"You never said you weren't coming with me."

"You never asked me to."

"We're engaged."

"And? I'm just supposed to drop everything and move with you? Did you assume that was the case?"

"Well, I was never told otherwise."

"I'm going to Ecuador."

"What?"

"Are you coming with me?" She asked already knowing the answer.

"Why are you going to Ecuador?"

"Because I didn't just do Peace Corps Prep in college for shits and giggles and I haven't been taking Spanish since high school for fun and I want to travel and make a difference Lucas. I don't think it's fair to assume that just because we're a couple I'm always going to go wherever you do."

"I don't expect that."

"What?" She was taken aback. She supposed both of them were doing a lot of assuming and not a lot of actual communicating but she was still angry, "How could you think I'd cheat on you?" Sounding suddenly sadder than she had hoped for.

"I get jealous, I didn't know where you were and… things have been different between us lately, I thought maybe he was the reason why."

"Farkle?" Riley nearly laughed at this, in her mind Farkle Minkus was as much as a threat as teddy bears or chocolate cake. It dawned on her though that she probably saw him through very different eyes than Lucas. "Does the way he lives his life bother you?" Lucas was quiet for a long time and picked the ring up off the table, fiddling with it. There was a long pause before he next spoke.

"I think there's a really limited number of ways men like to work through things and he's dealing the best he knows how. I've talked to Zay about it, he thinks he's helping him but I'm not so sure. Just because one person deals with a situation one way doesn't mean that's the right way for everyone…" Like Maya and marriage, Riley thought to herself.

"Do you think he's the same Farkle we knew?"

"I hope so," he sighed, "I can't know for sure."

"I think he is. In fact, I know he is and he'd never do anything to jeopardize our relationship or any of our friendships." 'Like try to sleep with me or Maya' was the part she had left out of that sentence but she hope Lucas understood her reassurance.

"Do you wanna come to Texas with me?" he asked, holding his breath.

"I don't think I do, do you wanna come to Ecuador with me?"

"I don't think I do, is that what all this weirdness between us has been?"

"Some other stuff and this. What do we do? Did you even want to get married or was that your way of asking me to come with you?"

"Little of both I guess. I thought you wanted to get married,"

"Can I be really honest Lucas?"

"Yeah?"

"The thought of being with one person for life terrifies me," Riley was reluctant to admit it but with each passing moment she was feeling braver and surge after surge of honesty was coursing through her. She anticipated anger or sadness or hurt of some type from him but instead he got up and moved toward her looking almost relieved.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Because my parents are Cory and Topanga and we just celebrated our 9 year anniversary not too long ago and everyone makes me feel like being unsure means I don't really love you,"

"Riley your fears can be your own, not every doubt has a complicated backstory and I know you love me. I love you, I know we're not Cory and Topanga."

"I know that they were solid and that we are solid and my mom gave up Yale to go to Pennbrook with my dad but honestly, I would hate if one of us turned down any of the opportunities the world offered us just so we could be together."

"Riley, you make me want to be better. I love you for wanting to save the world, I would never ask you to give that up for me just like you'd never seriously ask me to give up my dream to go with you."

"So what are we going to do?"


	7. Chapter 7

"How do I look?" Maya asked looking toward the mirror, smoothing her blue geometric shift dress over her hips for the millionth time.

"Gorgeous as always," he smoothed her corn silk hair as he pulled her in for a deep kiss. Pulling away, Maya grinned big like she did whenever he touched her and he just stared at her smiling ever so slightly, awestruck.

"You're just loopy in love aint ya?" she asked on her tiptoes, pecking his lips.

"The loopiest." He shook his head, laughing.

"Save some of that charm Mr. Matthews, we're going to need it tonight."

"Yes ma'am." Josh said dutifully, straightening up like a soldier on command.

"Don't ma'am me," Maya grinned at him.

"Sorry Mrs. Matthews." He smirked mischievously at her, she swung her arms around his neck and leaned up for another kiss stopping just short a centimeter of his face. Every time he leaned in she dodged his face playfully till finally after the third time, he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her forcefully.

"Ooh," Maya said afterwards suddenly feeling very warm. Josh was a gentle man all the time but every once in a blue moon she caught glimpses of his more aggressive, carnal side. She very much liked that side of him.

A loud ahem caught both of their attentions as Topanga stood in their living room once again.

"Babe does she really need a key?" Josh asked annoyed.

"Okay, first of all: aww and second of all, gross." Josh glared at his sister-in-law as she complimented/insulted the couple. "Are we ready to go?" Topanga asked as Maya stuck her tongue out at her with an angry face while Topanga was looking at Josh. Her face quickly returned to normal when she looked at her again. Topanga looked at her incredulously as if asking 'Really?'

"I guess," Josh said half hearted; Ava, Auggie and Cory were waiting in the car and Maya asked no one in particular, "Can we drive separately?"

"No can do kiddies," Topanga said adamantly, "You two are a flight risk."

"Dammit." Josh whispered, Maya looked at him frowning, "I tried."

They all piled in the car and after two hours of cringey teenaged flirting between Auggie and Ava, they arrived a restaurant with a LED ship over the OPEN sign.

"Are ya kidding me!?" Cory shouted at to his wife as she parked, "We're having dinner here?"

"I thought the nostalgia might help… if things get tense," Topanga said vaguely glancing back to Josh and Maya.

"Why would things get tense?" Cory thought aloud.

"Topie, don't you think we're a little old to be hanging out at a pirate themed dump like this?" Ava scoffed.

"Any restaurant seems 5 star when you're with me," Auggie said sweetly making Ava blush.

"August…" She said coyly.

"Dude," Josh said, "I might actually hurl."

"Welcome to my life," Topanga glared.

As they entered Peg Leg Pete's, Cory smiled big for no apparent reason and looked around from corner to corner, scaring his family. Josh knew this place was close to his family's heart though it was hard to see why, his parents had celebrated one of their anniversaries here while his brothers tried to throw a rave. Those guys were idiots and this place was a dump.

The six seated themselves in a large corner both as they were expecting more to join their party soon and Cory and Topanga thought back to all the time they spent in this very room, sighing with their heads leaned on one another's.

Maya looked to Josh, "I don't get it."

Josh just shrugged, "Before my time." Amy and Alan arrived soon after, greeting and hugging their family as Eric waltzed in after them.

"Eric, you were supposed to pick up Morgan and the baby where are they?"

"I took Morgan to your house where she's babysitting Colin," Eric said triumphantly.

"How much is Morgan getting paid to babysit Colin and whose idea was that?" Alan asked annoyed at his son's oversight of the obvious.

"I'm giving her 25 bucks an hour, federal minimum wage and she may have suggested the idea." Maya spit out her water laughing when he said federal minimum wage and nearly choked as she continued to laugh.

"This will be a fairly short dinner I think," Josh said, "so basically Morgan's getting 50 bucks to skip dinner with us and sit at Mom and Dad's house and watch her own kid." Josh summed up as Amy and Alan smirked at one another.

"Regardless familia, why have we all gathered here at Peg Leg Pete's and where's my niche?" Eric asked, his eyes scanning the booth and frowning for lack of a Riley.

"She had something to take care of," Maya parroted Riley's words hoping that would be enough to satisfy her family's curiosity.

"Well that's a shame we were really looking forward to seeing her but it is lovely to see you again Maya," Alan said after the waitress left. Maya smiled awkwardly and Josh grabbed her hand, squeezing it as if to give her some of strength through his fingertips.

"Well, you must all be wondering why we've gathered you all here tonight," Josh said, his voice sounding much deeper than it usually does. He was trying to sound more manly and grown up, Maya mused.

"Jumping right to it, huh? Goodie." Maya gulped.

"Well, we have sort of an announcement to make." Josh smiled nervously.

"Oh no…" Cory interjected, his voice trailing off.

"They're pregnant!" Ava shouted before either of them could continue.

"What?!" Amy gasped.

"No! Why does everyone keep saying that that?!"

"Because you guys fuck like bunnies." Auggie chimed in.

"Auggie!" Topanga and Amy both shouted, scolding for his indelicate phrasing.

"August just means you two do have an awful hard time keeping your hands off of one another." Ava clarified as eloquently as possible with condescension dripping from her tone.

"Well," Josh turned bright red, not realizing their sex life was gonna be on trial tonight, "that's because we're in love."

"Son, if that's your announcement I hate to tell you but cat's been out of the bag since we forbade you from pursuing her," Alan sighed.

"You FORBADE him?" Maya repeated in disbelief.

"Well you're a Hunter honey," Amy tried to clarify, "that and the age difference, you know he had good intentions despite not knowing what the _heck_ he was doing." She spat the last part bitterly making sure her husband knew her disapproval.

"What's wrong with Hunters? We love Hunters." Eric chimed in.

"Don't get me wrong Maya, you Hunters are good people. You guys are practically family but you have to admit you're not always the most reliable…" Alan said.

"Unreliable? That is rude and untrue!" Josh countered, Maya fought the beginnings of a small smile. He was adorable when he defended her or her family.

"Well I was led to believe that Katy and Shawn were going to be here, where are they?" Alan raised an eyebrow at Josh.

"They probably got stuck in traffic or something…" Maya shrugged staring down at the table. Josh knew that small voice.

"Who invited them?" Josh asked the table knowingly.

"Well I told Maya to…" Topanga started.

"Maya…." Josh said accusingly a la Ricky Ricardo. He knew she would procrastinate telling them as long as possible, she had thrown him under the bus. It was just his family coming tonight.

"I'm sorry okay? I'm too young to be a widow." Maya exclaimed at towards Josh, instantly regretting it.

"Too young to be a what now?" Cory said confused.

"No Moesha, a widow is a wife once her husband's died," Eric explained slowly.

"Um, guys," Josh started, gripping Maya's hand tighter than before his way of telling her to be quiet for a moment, "we got married!"

"You did WHAT?" Alan shouted. "And where were we while you two were getting married?"

"I'm gonna guess at home, maybe at Morgan's because of the new baby," Maya chimed in back to her usual sassy self.

"New baby? Colin's like 1, how long ago did you two do this?" Eric asked.

"Last February." Josh answered nonchalantly. Alan was fuming in his corner of the booth, Cory wore a puzzled expression as he continually searched for words while Amy, Topanga, and Ava sat unfazed.

"Wait. YOU are my aunt?" Auggie scoffed.

"And the cycle of unreasonably young aunts and uncles continue," Ava added.

"That's right kid," Maya added. "Me. Regular ol unreliable Maya Hart-Matthews." She said glaring at Alan.

"No." Cory finally spoke. His face showed he was traumatized, Maya reminisced back to the first time they all saw that face when Cory realized that Riley liked Huckleberry. _Good times,_ she thought, _good times._

"No what?" Josh asked.

"Just no. NO no NO no no no no. This is not happening." Cory shook his head like a crazy person.

"We're adults who make our own decisions, brother; decisions like who and when to marry." Josh said to Cory.

"THAT is not my sister in law." Cory continued. Alan added in, "I'll say. This has got to be the most idiotic, hare-brained thing the two of you have gotten yourself into,"

"Since we started dating right?" Maya retorted, finally having enough. "Or since we moved in together? Or until we have a baby," She let go of Josh's hand. "This is why I didn't want to be here when you told them." She looked at him with angry tears in her eyes, "They never think I'm gonna be good enough to be a Matthews." She got up, grabbed her purse, and began to toward the door before Josh caught her hand. He pulled her aside, "Babe…" He started not knowing what to say.

"Save it. I need some air." Maya had said before she stormed out and she caught sight of Josh glaring at his family. Some small part of her had hoped he'd ran after her and held her and told her how wrong she was and that she's always been Matthews material. She walk fast paced till she found a bench she found suitable and sat. The angry tears that had threatened her eyes in Peg Leg Pete's were back and she could see a neon sign up the street for a liquor store. I could use a drink, she thought.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Super seedy place, gets held up all the time." She recognized that voice and she turned to face the Matthews brother she least expected to be there.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Don't worry guys, Joshaya stays safe! Married life can be a bit tumultuous but they'll make it: till death do em part and all that jazz. I just had to throw some Boy Meets World in there. I wish canonically Chubbie's still existed but Peg Leg Pete's will just have to do for now.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey," Farkle said as he came through the already unlocked door to his and Zay's shared apartment.

"Hey yourself," Zay said angrily sitting on the couch playing a first person shooter game.

"What's up?" Farkle asked nervously sensing Zay's anger.

"Farkle, please do not talk to me or I will have to kick your ass. I won't regret it and it'll just make me feel bad after that I didn't feel bad." Zay's eyes were glued to the screen.

"O… kay." He said leaving the room, only to turn on his heels and come right back, visibly bothered. "Alright what is your problem?"

"My problem? My problem is that I live with a piece of shit that I THOUGHT lived by the same code I did." He got up, shoving Farkle.

"What's this about?" was all Farkle managed to get out before Zay decked him. "What the fuck dude?!" Farkle said rubbing his now reddened jaw.

"How could you do that to Lucas, man?" Zay yelled.

"What exactly did I do?"

"I found Riley's ring in your room!"

"You clearly don't know what you're talking about so I'm gonna go now."

"You don't mess with a friend's girl." Zay said exasperated. This made Farkle snap his head up.

"First of all, the insinuation that I had sex with Riley is outlandish. Secondly, I refrained from sleeping with her because she's my friend and I value her and my friendship as well as her and Lucas's relationship, not because he's got some kind of antiquated claim on her that I should respect. Third of all, since you punched me for no reason I feel like I should return the favor."

"Let's be reasonable now," Zay said his usual jovial tone returning. Farkle grabbed the jacket he moments ago took off and asked Zay where the ring was now. He was still annoyed, more than annoyed really. He was insulted and angry and it only got worse when Zay told him that he had returned it to Lucas already.

"Did you share your idiotic theory with him?" Farkle asked. Zay shook his head yes.

Apologetically he said, "I thought I was doing the right thing, I'd wanna know."

Farkle mumbled something under his breath while he rushed out the door, and he headed to the library where he went to clear his mind.

The entire subway ride he was worried for Riley and had to let her know that Lucas had her ring.

Realistically he knew by this point, she probably knew that. Her and Lucas probably fought.

They probably yelled, Riley probably cried; that's something she did when she got too passionate about something she was saying. She also cried when she was too angry or too sad or when she saw a very cute animal or baby. She cried a lot, Farkle realized. She cried almost as much as she laughed or smiled. She felt a lot, he reasoned. During this time, Farkle realized he had seen her cry a handful of times and wondered who else in the group other than him had witnessed all the occasions Riley turned on the waterworks or had a meltdown. He secretly envied whoever got to console her. Maya was tough and never needed consoling and reassuring, he remembered as an afterthought. Even if she ever did, she had Josh.

He pulled out his phone and decided to check on Riley. He typed, backspaced, and retyped a text message to her, choosing his words carefully. Finally he sent one.

F: You left your ring at my place yesterday. Zay returned it to Lucas.

R: i know. thanks

F: Zay had some interesting ideas about what happened between us yesterday night and shared his theories with Lucas. I apologize for my idiotic room mate.

R: yeah… that was fun to deal with... its k though it started a convo that was long overdue

F: Oh? Everything alright?

R: Yeah. I'm okay.

F: Where are you?

She didn't reply after that and Farkle assumed she needed her space. He would call later to make sure she was alright, he thought to himself before he realized he was at his stop. He pulled headphones out of his pocket and connected them to his phone while he walked in the direction of the library. He picked a song at random from one of his many playlists and blasted it (Withdrawal- Max Frost.) His brain was usually a very busy place and he needed to drown out all background thoughts before he could fully commit to them or else they would be gone when he most needed them. He would think once he sat down at the library.

On the way there a familiar brunette caught his eye. He fixed his eyes on the ground in his effort to avoid but in doing so, only confirmed his path to crash directly into her.

"Ow! What? Can't you watch where- Oh. Hi." The bespectacled brunette said sheepishly.

 _That's what I get for not looking where I'm going, he thought to himself._

"Isadora, hi." He said back.

"Library?" She smiled softly. His insides got warm when he saw that smile.

"Yeah…" He smiled back awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're nervous about something." She said knowingly. She could still read him despite the months that had passed between them.

"Just you. You haven't been with the group recently. I haven't seen you in... um- it's good to see you."

"I've been spending time alone to avoid the general awkwardness of one another's company." Smackle said bluntly. "And I last saw you during the era of Chelsea, I realized my non-platonic feelings would be disruptive to your mojo or whatever, so I left."

"Chelsea was no one." It was true, he couldn't even remember what she looked like now that he was trying. It was a spectacular thing when Farkle couldn't remember something. He had a nearly eidetic memory and only had recall failure under two fairly specific circumstances. Either when he drank too much and blacked out; those memories never formed or when he actively chose to block out something. What did he remember about Chelsea? They went to the opera together and she liked the color green, the walls of her bedroom were purple though and he found that odd. She was nice he guessed. Those were all the important details that came to mind when he thought of her, Zay had called her "flavor of the week," and Farkle had laughed disingenuously at that as he mentally vowed to never talk about women that way.

"I know." Smackle looked like she was trying to smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She was hurt, Farkle realized. It was then the brilliant mind of Farkle Minkus realized that she hadn't just been avoidant of the awkwardness between them, she was also avoiding seeing him with anyone else. Isadora was a lot of things but jealous wasn't one of them.

"Did that bother you?" He hadn't realized he was thinking out loud.

"I wasn't jealous." Smackle said looking down at the ground, "The body language between you two suggested you had been physically intimate and it made me insecure."

"Why did that make you insecure?"

"Because the choice to put our relationship on hold had been a practical one before I realized other women had things to offer you that I can't. I thought we loved one another. I expected your reaction to be more emotional and mine to be more pragmatic but I was incorrect on both counts and that embarrassed me."

Farkle didn't know what to do with that information. He had embarrassed her, hurt her even and the worse part was he wasn't sure if that was his intention or not. He regarded Smackle with a different kind of affection than those girls he went out with, he had for as long as he remembered.

"If you never want to be with me again, I'll understand." He said the words but he didn't mean them. He saw a future with Smackle, as much as he understood love he loved her.

The silence hung heavy in the air between them. After a long bout of quiet, Isadora finally spoke.

"I don't have a constructive response to that. I have to go now." And so she left and he let her. When Farkle thought about their practical breakup he often wondered if it was secretly a test to gauge his attachment to her and if he failed by not being outwardly distressed by it. He made no attempt to dissuade her from the idea of separating. When those thoughts rear their ugly heads he can't help but wonder if it was indeed a test, what did it mean that Smackle's feelings didn't allow her to be pragmatic about the idea of Farkle moving on, physically or emotionally? Maybe that was her failing and if that was the case, what did that mean for a possible future together? Did he not care as much as he thought he did? As he watched Smackle enter the library he knew he couldn't occupy the same space as her in that moment and began toward a place he hoped to find some clarity or peace.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm not gonna lie Moesha, tears make your face all scrunchy and red." Eric Matthews said as he approached Maya on her bench. "Can I sit?" She nodded. 

Maya's tears did not stop. Her face was red and scrunched up and puffy, she didn't care. 

"They're gonna tear him a new one when it was my stupid idea to keep it from everyone. He was all 'Hey let's get married' and I was like 'Okay! Let's run away and do it now!'" Every time Maya imitated Josh she put on a dumb deep voice and swung her arms in an exaggerating marching way. Eric fought a smile and let her continue. 

"They'll get over it, they always do. Just like I told Josh when he bought your ring, easier to ask forgiveness than permission." Maya's eyebrows furrowed at what Eric said. Josh never told her Eric was with him when he bought her ring. 

Eric watched the realization dawn on her, "Yeah, he wasn't going to tell em he was gonna propose. He's as much to blame as you are. Look, I like you Maya. You make my baby brother happy. The rest of them will come around when they realize that that's the most important thing. You two are good together. Everyone sees that." 

"Let me tell ya something. Some family gossip if you will," He started, leaning in talking barely louder than a whisper, "Ryan got laid off. They've been pretty tight on cash over at Morgan's, between that and the baby they're really stressed out - fighting like cats and dogs. I thought some personal time would be good for her. I'm her big brother if I can help, I wanna. She won't take my money though... unless she thinks she's scamming it outa me so if I gotta play the fool…" He shrugged. 

"The point is Maya, sometimes the ones we care about perceive us in a way that's… well for one hurtful and sometimes way off base but as long as YOU know who you are and be true to that," he poked her shoulder, "everything else just works itself out." 

Her tears slowed as she took in his words. 

"Oh and as far as being Matthews material is concerned. I happen to believe in this amazing thing called fate. Shawn and Jack are like brothers to Cory and me. They're family. Shawn and your mother found love in each other. You're Riley's best friend. You're family. Even if you hadn't met Josh, you've always been a Matthews. Fortunate for Josh, he totally pulled a Cory." 

"What's that mean?" Maya asked, sniffling back tears once again. These were grateful, relieved ones because everything Eric said was wise and reassuring and best of all true. 

"That means Joshua, like Cory, totally outkicked his coverage." This made Maya laugh. Eric shivered and continued, "Now let's head back before baby brother kills me for letting his wife freeze to death on a bench." She smiled and nodded as Eric rose to his feet. He extended his arm for her to loop hers through, "Shall we away, sister in law?" 

"We shall." She said grandeously. Sniffing, they took big strides in the direction she ran from. 

"You know Eric, if you ever wanna quit the senator business, I think you'd make one hell of a teacher." 

"Nah, I'll leave the Feenying to Cory, my wisdom is better kept locked up. Break it out for special occasions." He grinned as they were back at the entrance of Peg Leg Pete's. They made their way back to the corner booth where things were somehow not as tense as when she left. 

Alan took a deep breath in when she sat back down. 

"I brought your daughter in law back," Eric said. 

Josh cleared his throat loudly looking towards his brother and father, glaring.

Alan sighed before sighing, "Maya," he paused, "we may have been upset and said some rash things that were hurtful. Amy and I apologize." His wife glared daggers at him, she had not said anything rash and hurtful. "Okay okay, I apologize." 

Topanga spoke, "Cory.." her tone was maternal and scolding as if she were forcing whatever he said next. That was probably the case knowing the two. 

"I'm sorry I let him call your family unreliable. Shawn has never let me down and you've always been there for Riley. I was short and irrational and whether I like it or not, you're my… sister in law" He spoke slowly and a visible cringe came upon him as the last few words escaped his mouth. He glanced over to his brothers every few words. 

Josh was watching his brother so closely as if for inspection of the sentiment and how he expressed it. While watching her husband's stern face she realized Topanga wasn't the conductor of this apology train, Josh was. 

"I don't expect us to be off the hook for keeping this secret, we fucked up. I'm not gonna apologize though. I've never been surer of anything in my life than I've been about loving Maya. So either you get both of us or... you don't." He explained in a calm, serious tone that sent shivers down Maya's spine. She examined his face as he fearlessly took on the people he loves most for her, it still made her stomach do backflips. "Okay?" Josh finally asked his family. They nodded, slowly and silently.

"Wife?" He looked towards her, his eyes burning brightly with something that Maya could only describe as pride and the beginnings of a smirk on his lips. "You wanna get outa this dump?"

"Hell yes. Oh and apology accepted." Maya sighed as Josh led her out by the hand. The minute they cleared the door, Maya grabbed a handful of Josh's messy brown hair and pulled him down for a deep unexpected kiss. 

"Whoa." Josh gasped after they broke away. 

"Thank you." she smiled softly at him. 

"What for?" 

"That was so brave and beautiful and very, very sexy." Maya purred. 

"What? That? Oh that was nothing." He said ridiculously nonchalant. He grinned at her, "Truth?" 

She nodded. 

"I've never been a stranger mix of furious and terrified. They disrespected you and I needed to give them a piece of my mind but the entire time I felt like I might shit myself." He laughed. She gave him another long kiss and their tongues danced, heat growing at both of their cores. 

"Let me take you home," Maya said gazing intensely in Josh's eyes. She still got lost in them. 

"Is that a euphemism for taking me to bed?" Josh spoke softly to her, raising an eyebrow and staring intensely back. 

"You bet your sweet ass it is, Boing."


	10. Chapter 10

Lucas sat in silence with Zay as Zay looked awkwardly around the room. Stuff was missing, a lot of it. Maybe they needed a change of venue? This place was even bumming him out and he'd only really looked at it thrice before now.

"We should-" Zay started only to be cut off by Lucas lifting his hand in the air toward his face, as if to gesture enough.

"Can we just not." He stated, not asking. "I just need it to be quiet."

There was a long pause before Zay said something. "Whiskey?"

"Yeah," Lucas said. Still staring down at his feet. Zay always carried a flask with him for emergencies. This qualified as one of those but before he could pull it out of his jacket, Lucas left the room and brought out a handle of Jack Daniels. A substantial amount of it was gone but he could tell that it was seldom drank.

"That's yours?" Zay questioned. Lucas didn't look at him as he poured a glass. Without ice or coke, not the way he drank at all, Zay thought.

"It is now." He said stoically as he took he gulped down the glass and poured another. Why the hell not? Zay thought as he followed suit.

Farkle unlocked his locker and retrieved an orange duffel bag, he grabbed it and walked out of the locker room with wrapped knuckles. He had walked past this place a hundred times walking Smackle home before going in. It was a good outlet during high school and the beginning of college, along with his extra curriculars, to channel all his excess energy. From the first second he began processing emotion, he hated it. He wanted to avoid it all cost. This was one of the few pleasures that allowed himself to work out any and all feelings he didn't want to deal with. Well, this and one other thing but Farkle had a feeling he wouldn't feel much like entertaining company right now.

As he pulled his shirt off before approaching a punching bag on the outskirts of the gym, he looked up to the ring central to the room. A man and woman were bare knuckle boxing. The guy was about 6'3", 200 lbs, muscular and having his ass handed to him. The woman was much smaller in stature; 5'5", thin, covered in sweat, with legs that went on for days. She donned black and pink cross trainers, shorts and a black sports bra with pink stitching. She moved faster than the man, she dodged and weaved and Farkle was impressed but as he realized he might be staring, Smackle's words began ringing in his head. He shook his head as if to shake the bad thoughts out and looked away quickly, embarrassed.

He plugged his ears and began punching to the beat, then double time. His knuckles began to hurt but it was a pain he had grown to enjoy, like ice baths or tattoos. He focused on the rhythm of the words not being sang to him. He tried not to remember the night that Smackle kissed him and how incredible it felt that she had become comfortable enough to be that physical with him. He tried not to remember the realization that when they kissed everything just stopped and how he believed that was a sure sign of love. He tried not to think of the fact that the next girl he kissed, his mind had stopped just the same. It had stopped the next time and the time after that as well. He was relieved and disappointed. He hadn't lost the love of his life. He was just adjusting to the lack of… something. He remembered Riley drunkenly telling him that he was just as much her best friend as Maya was but different. She hadn't meant anything by it but her deep brown eyes were so clear and honest in that moment. He didn't know if she was his best friend anymore, Farkle wondered when that had happened. His brain was jumping from thought to thought and he hit harder when he realized the music wasn't doing him any good. Angrily, he pulled out his earbuds and wrapped them around his ipod when he heard a familiar voice call to him.

"Minkus!" The voice shouted. A smile instinctively started on Farkle's face as he turned to see the girl from the ring and finally caught a glimpse of her previously unrecognized face.

"Christ Riley it's the middle of the night." Farkle complained trying to keep his eyes up at her face. Her dark locks were a mess carelessly thrown in a ponytail with babyhairs matted to her face with sweat, her face was flushed.

She smirked, "Really? Boxing?"

"My personality, IQ and skill set make me vulnerable to physical attacks so I took it up to defend myself." Farkle almost recited.

"And not because you bang girls with big angry boyfriends?" Riley choked back a laugh.

"That only happened like twice…" Farkle lied.

"Thrice." She corrected. She derived way too much pleasure from correcting him.

"You?"

"Took a class, felt good being powerful and I kept at it, plus good to know how to defend yourself in this day and age." To this, Farkle raised an eyebrow. "I wanna travel the world, I'm naive not suicidal. I know good people can do some fucked up shit sometimes. Not to me though. You get hurt, you get smart."

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read meaning in the words. **You get hurt, you get smart.** **Sounded like a mantra, did someone hurt her?**

"Do you wanna get out here?" Farkle tried not to dwell though the thought made his jaw tighten instinctively.

"Do you want ice cream or like an exorbitant amount of alcohol?" Riley asked, her face lit up all hopeful.

"You're projecting Matthews. Let's go." He smiled.

"Wait wait wait, I gotta get dressed. So do you," she didn't attempt to hide her up and down look of Farkle's shirtless body. "Okay..." She nodded, grinning.

"What?" Farkle asked.

"Congrats." Riley said, extremely amused. Farkle raised his eyebrow again. "On your everything." She clarified.

"Puberty was kind to me." He lowered his head humbly.

"Be right back," As she ran off in the direction of the locker room, Farkle couldn't help but watch her and notice a small shaded circle on her right shoulder blade. Pluto. He fought hard not to smile.

Farkle texted Zay to see if he was home, he texted back extremely misspelled saying he was crashing at Lucas's tonight so when Riley returned the two decided whiskey and zombie killing would be the best use of their time.

"So he thought that we?"

"Yep." she popped the p on the word as she smashed the buttons of the controller in her hand.

"I'm sorry." Farkle replied, also concentrated on the game.

"I'm okay. It's just a break,"

"I saw Smackle tonight."

"How'd that go?"

"She told me she was uncomfortable being around me when I had so physically moved on."

"It's just a break," Riley repeated.

"Not for everyone it isn't." Farkle said. Riley paused the game, irritated.

"You don't know that. You guys love each other, you two are practically made for each other."

"On paper, sure. I don't know if we do though." Farkle rubbed the back of his neck

"What does that mean?" Riley asked.

"I don't think we loved each other, not for a long time." Riley took this in for a while. After a moment, she unpaused the game and the two continued to shoot zombies.

"I blame you." He said half-jokingly. He did, in a way. Long ago his friends had promised that they'd never let Farkle not understand what love and yet here he was.

"Because of the promise?" She answered near instantly that had Farkle taken aback.

"Uh, yeah actually, I was kidding though. I don't hold any of you responsible." he said nervously. I'm messed up because of me, he wanted to add but didn't.

"No, you're right though. We failed you. I failed you." Riley said the last sentence with emphasis. "I don't think I'm equipped to help anyone understand love."

"I know you think you don't understand love but I think you do, better than anyone I know. You're overflowing with it. You want to help everyone."

"That's different. You want to have sex with everyone. Doesn't mean it's love right?"

"Why are you always on me about that?" He asked mildly annoyed. Riley tilted her head. "You claim to be some big feminist but you villainize anyone who doesn't fit in your neat little boxes. The women I'm with have agency, they choose to be with me. I don't seduce them, I don't objectify them. I respect them. They can choose to stay with me, they just… don't." This made her very quiet.

"I don't mind anyone embracing their sexuality as long as it's for empowerment and not self-medication…" She started, she was cut off mid-sentence.

"Oh please, get off your high horse Riley. I'm no addict and we're a society of self-medication. We're doing it right now, drinking and shooting our troubles away. Don't pretend you don't know who I am,"

"Okay truth then?"

"Why the other options? Always the truth."

She turned red, "I'm… jealous."

Farkle sat silently. "The hard time you give me is because you're sexually frustrated?"

"Well yeah, women have needs too Farkle." Farkle looked at her with a _really_? expression. Of course he knew women had needs, he just never really thought of Riley being… well, a woman. In his heart of hearts he knew she was, she was beautiful and capable and strong but he never really thought of her needing anything. She made a point to never ask for help for anything so to never arouse suspicion that she too was human just like him. In Farkle Minkus's eyes, Riley was something superhuman and he wasn't quite sure how to react to this breaking of that illusion.

"Do you not…?" Farkle's voice trailed off.

"Masturbate? Of course I do, everyone does." She said rolling her eyes. The word made Farkle's cheeks burn with embarrassment. Since college, Riley had never been afraid to what was on her mind and when and often she had no filter.

"Christ Farkle, your reputation says you see a naked woman literally every day and the word masturbation makes you blush. Really?"

"My reputation is exaggerated now can you stop saying that?!"

"What do you mean exaggerated?" Riley tilted her head.

"Why am I different than Maya?" Farkle quickly changed the subject.

"Huh?"

"It was something you said the other night. Oh and speaking of which, who hurt you? Why'd you take up boxing?"

"Wow, just getting it all out there huh? Okay... That's fair." Riley said, getting up moving towards the bottle on the table. She grabbed it and took a long swig. **Wow, okay** Farkle thought. She took another and walked back to him, bottle in hand. She sat close next to him and laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bitch about your sex life. I feel the words coming out of my mouth and it's like I can't stop em. I'm not mad at you. At all. I'm just… " She sighed. He turned his xbox off and laid his head atop hers.

"You can keep avoiding my questions if you want. We can talk when you're ready. You miss Lucas, you're hurt." He kissed the top of head, "I understand."

"I just wanna drown it all out. I don't feel like a whole person and I don't know how to."

"Me neither." He sighed, grabbing the bottle from her and taking a swig. It made him gag but he took another. He coughed back another sip. Riley laughed.

"Lightweight. Give it here." She said. He did. He felt unshakeable necessity to do whatever she asked him to.

"Whoa." Farkle said, suddenly feeling the weight of his own intoxication hit him. He smiled big.

"Holy shit, are you drunk?" Riley slurred slightly. The truth was she was mildly amused but more annoyed that she too was starting to feel a buzz.

"Riley." He said very seriously, he looked her deep in the eyes.

"Yeah?" She said looking back, smile wiped from her face.

"I am." The two burst out into laughter.

 _ **Author's Note: Don't hate me for the super late update. It was pretty lame. More Farkle/ Riley and Lucas/Zay to follow, this night is not quite over I was just really getting up there in length and had to cut in order to figure stuff out. These interactions are pretty long so I went back and forth if I wanted it to be one conversation or several. My boyfriend's parents were staying with us over the weekend and we've been doing walkthroughs of houses and between that and working/working out: just DYING.**_


	11. Chapter 11

"She's unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable." Lucas slurred for the hundredth time, "I said it and she just… just, went along with it. Like it was nothing!"

"Like you were nothing," Zay recited listlessly. He had heard this rant drunkenly repeated at least four times tonight. "Maybe we need to get your mind off of Riley. Don't think of it as separation. Think of it as freedom. What's something you could never do with Riley? Let's do that."

Lucas looked up to Zay, head bobbing around drunkenly like a broken bobblehead, "Okay," He stumbled to the freezer and retrieved a pint of Haagen-Dazs with a single spoon. Plopping onto the couch, he shoveled a spoonful of chocolate ice cream into his face.

"Really?" Zay raised an eyebrow.

"We're allowed to have ice cream ONE day a month."

"What kind of monster were you marrying man?!"

"She just woke up one day and decided she was gonna get shredded." Lucas shrugged, "just like she decided she was leaving the country."

"I don't know what to say man, the entire situation's pretty messed up,"

"Can you tell me something honestly?" Lucas asked, spoon locked and loaded for another mouthful.

"Anything buddy, you know you're my best friend."

"No, not as a best friend. As both of our friend, was I wrong? Did I deserve this?"

Zay sighed deeply. He had to consider his wording carefully answering this. The truth was, both of his friends were at fault. Riley and Lucas were great friends to one another and that's how they treated one another. As friends who kissed and lived together but apart from that, there was little couple-esque about them.

"I think you guys got together because you liked one another. I think you loved one another, hell you still might but you guys weren't ready to be life partners. It's gonna hurt like a fucker to hear but I don't think either of you know who you really are without one another. But husbands and wives, their lives are built together. As a team. Not around one another. Not without considering each other. The heartache? Nah, neither of you deserve it. That's the cost of playing the game though. Better to have loved and lost and all that. You're stronger for it. So is she. Maybe when you guys are older and the people you're meant to be for the rest of your lives you'll find that you're meant to be together or maybe you'll find that your time together as lovers is over now and you learnt some important stuff about yourself. Either way you owe it to yourself to let yourself hurt and move on."

Lucas took a deep breath in. "Okay." He said calmly. "I need to go to bed now." He said stumbling into bathroom and stepping into the shower with his clothes on. He plopped down and fell asleep.

"Alll….righty then." Zay stayed up most of the night. He was half concerned for his friend and the possible alcohol poisoning and half he just couldn't sleep. He decided he'd text Farkle, he was a night owl for the most part and it was as good a time as any to remind him that they had been out of eggs for the better part of the week.

He got a vague, distant reply from him that he dismissed as simple Farkle. He didn't know why but the thought of Riley and how she was handling everything crossed his mind. He couldn't text or call her, everything was still too fresh and raw and he didn't think it was his place to meddle. Better just to make sure she was alright.

 **Hey how's she doing?** The reply came swiftly and made him anxious.

 **who? we're at my mom's.** Zay felt uneasy that Riley wasn't with Maya but he knew that they had more separated lives since Maya and Josh moved in together. No one said it but the pace of Maya and Josh's relationship had kind of set a certain precedent in the group that the rest of the friends felt compelled to keep up with. He had kept it to himself that different relationships required different paces and had only said it aloud once when Lucas had asked about proposing at graduation.

 **Riley's not with you?**

 **no she isn't with howdy doody?**

 **They broke up, I figured she'd be with you. Keep an ear out, I'm with Lucas making sure my boy doesn't drink himself to death.**

 **theyre what? she's upset probably doing the same. im gonna go look for her.**

 **Be safe, if you take Josh make sure he doesn't go all protecto dad mode on her.**

 **goin alone. will text with updates.**

And so Zay Babineux went from checking the bathroom every couple of hours for Lucas' breathing to full on concerned pacing. He texted Farkle again to update him with the happenings of tonight but got more aloof vagueness from him.

Maya's gone looking for Riley, let me know if you hear from her at all.

The reply was quick and made his blood boil for his friend but he calmed himself the second or third time he read it over. He couldn't assume, that's caused trouble before. He should have faith in his friends.

 **With me now. She's fine.**

Farkle was a genius, surely he'd know how loaded that statement seemed. Maybe he meant it that way or maybe he was being intentionally flippant to get back at Zay for their misunderstanding with the ring. Either way, Zay was a big fan of transparency so he felt it best to let Maya know to call off the search for Riley.

Zay typed carefully, in the past he had been accused of being too transparent, almost to the point of instigating but he couldn't help it that he didn't have a dishonest bone in his body.

 **Riley's fine, no need to go searching. She's at my place.**

He could almost see Maya raising her eyebrows in her reply: **Alone?**

Zay replied, **Farkle's watching her.**

* * *

It was almost dawn. The dark of the night was slowly brightening to the gray of the sky. The perfect backdrop the New York skyline was, the sun was stretching up from its slumber to greet it good morning. Farkle and Riley sat on the couch staring out the window, they'd been there the majority of the night. The conversation had grown deeper and darker and ended up in strange, bleak places throughout the night and left them exposed to one another and themselves. They were the kids who just couldn't get to bed at the sleepover, forced to fill the darkness with the absurd questions that truly ate at them like if aliens existed and what happened when they died. Silences filled the spaces in between but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was peaceful. Riley felt peaceful there and for the first time in a long time, Farkle felt like the apartment was someplace more than a place to lay his head at the end of the day.

"I've been texting Zay. He's been talking to Maya. I think you and her have a lot to talk about," Farkle said. He looked toward her and she squinted at him as if to decipher meaning.

"I'm still being a crappy friend." Riley sighed. "I haven't talked to her about anything and she doesn't know I bailed on her to get shitfaced and crash here."

"I'm sure she'll understand that wasn't your intention. Everyone's worried about you and Lucas."

"So you've been texting Zay huh?" Riley bit her lip nervously to keep herself from asking the obvious question.

"He's with Lucas and Lucas is fine. As fine as either of you can be right now anyways." Farkle explained.

"Aren't you tired?" Riley asked. She would avoid any talk of feelings or relationships until she saw Maya. Shockingly, Riley wasn't tired. She was anxious, like she needed to run a marathon or write a book or do anything productive with herself to stay sane.

"I… don't usually sleep," Farkle said slowly.

"Okay well I'm technically homeless. Since I've got nowhere to be, tell me Farkle Minkus, what are you usually doing everyday at this ungodly hour?" Riley asked enthusiastically. Farkle knew she was putting on her brave face, she sounded too happy. He could tell from her face that she was emotionally exhausted.

He gave her a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Of course it implied a lie but it was guaranteed to make her smile which was his only current objective.

"You perv, I meant when you're alone." Riley laughed.

"Depends. How energetic are you feeling?" He paused realizing he was speaking in double entendres. He chuckled to himself. "Could you eat?"

"I can eat ALL the things." She smiled big and paused before her face lit up with a brilliant idea, "Waffles!" Farkle frowned. "Do you not like waffles?" Riley frowned back at him. It was then she realized he wasn't frowning at her but past her, Maya stood in the doorway.

"Hey," she said with a small forced smile to Riley.

"Morning Peaches," Riley said with her usual cheery demeanor.

"I've been worried about you. Are we not gonna talk?" Maya's face grew long.

"What is there to talk about? I'm fine. How did dinner go? I'm so sorry I wasn't there." Riley walked up to Maya and hugged her, holding her close she said, "I've been an awful friend lately,"

"It was… a massacre honestly but Josh handled himself fine, he was incredible and…" Maya realized she was being distracted and that Riley had not let go of her yet. Her face was buried in the mess of blonde hair around Maya's shoulders but while Maya cherished the love from her friend who she had not seen in what felt like forever she wasn't too distracted to feel moisture on the shoulders of her shirt. Maya rubbed Riley's back slowly to try to soothe her.

"Maya," Farkle said in his best everything-is-wonderful voice. "Riles was just saying how waffles sounded really good, don't you think waffles sound really good?"

"Um waffles are always a great idea!" Maya said gritting her teeth trying to swallow the sadness rising in her throat. Riley had still not let go and Maya dreaded the face she'd see when she finally would. Neither her nor Farkle could stand Riley's tears.

"Okay," Riley pulled away and wiped her eyes. She sighed deeply and put on a big smile. "Peaches?" She asked sweetly.

"Yes honey?" Maya smiled.

"Buy me a latte?" Riley smiled back. She linked her arm through Maya and Farkle's and they started towards the door.

It was a matter of time till they got to their favorite breakfast place. They ordered coffees and sat in the booth, catching up with everything that was going on in their lives. Though it felt warm and personal and as they took sips of their coffees, Riley's glances toward Farkle did not go unnoticed.

"Am I intruding?" Maya asked, annoyed and slightly hurt.

"Of course not. I just wasn't expecting you." Riley smiled a soft, false smile. "We were going to have Farkle day!" She beamed, seemingly back to her old self.

Farkle cringed every time he heard Riley's happy voice because he knew way too well how empty it was. Maya raised an eyebrow, "Farkle day?"

"Mhm. I was going to be his shadow. Ever since we've all gotten out of school I have no idea what anybody does all day anymore. I guess I'm trying to remember who everyone really is," _and distract myself,_ she avoided adding. If it were up to Riley, she'd be a fly on the wall and watch all of her friends for a day. She told herself it'd help her understand everyone and their situations, something she had trouble with, but really some part of her suspected it was to keep from living her own life.

"Alright," Maya said narrowing her eyes suspiciously, "I'll be at the studio all day if you need me. I'll leave you be after breakfast…" She glanced at Farkle then back to Riley, "IF" she added emphatically, "we do dinner."

Riley smiled big, "That sounds great."

"Your uncle will cook!" Maya exclaimed happily.

"That sounds lovely," Riley's smiled softly. During breakfast the three were brought up to speed on the happenings of one another's lives. Their stories were reluctant and vague but they shared more than they had a chance to for a long time. They ate waffles and laughed for a brief period of time everyone forgot the troubles of their own little worlds before Maya's phone rang, she excused herself for a moment to entertain the conversation before returning to the table with a serious face.

"Alright loves, I actually lost track of time and have to go meet my art director about some questions she had, I will see you tonight," she pointed gladly at Riley, "yeah?"

"You bet." After Maya paid her and Riley's bills, she left. Riley and Farkle got on the subway with no particular destination in mind, just in the general direction of the apartment. There was silence for a long time.

"So after coffee what do you do?"

"Honestly?" Farkle asked incredulous that this Farkle Day was still a thing she was interested in. He had mostly thought it was something invented in Rileytown to get Maya off her back and distract herself until she was better composed. It was partially the truth but the more Riley had thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed.

"Yeah," Riley exclaimed, grinning with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"You don't have to do that you know," Farkle said staring intensely into her unsmiling eyes.

"Do what?" She continued to smile though she blinked back tears.

"Pretend like you did with Maya."

"I didn't…" She was cut off mid-sentence by Farkle.

"Yes you did, even though you didn't need to and you're doing it now. It's okay to just feel. It's gonna suck for a while."

Riley sighed deeply, "You really are too smart for your own good, you know that?" Riley smiled a small but real smile.

Farkle grinned big, "Guilty as charged... So we still have to do Farkle Day?"

"I need self-care," Riley frowned. "How do people do this?"

"Okay, an important part of my day is memorization and rehearsal. I vote we go home, you can help me run lines and we can order Thai for lunch and we can sit in the dark and listen to bad-for-feminism indie pop that you think no one knows you listen to and see if that helps. Hopefully by then you'll be good to go to dinner." Farkle said putting his arm around her, squeezing her shoulders slightly.

Riley smiled. She wanted to say something: how he was the best or how she'd missed him or thanks for taking care of her but she couldn't choose the words so instead she just gave that look that she gave only him. He looked at her unblinking for a moment until a half smile crept upon his lips and she knew that she didn't need to say any of those words, he just knew.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Are you guys excited for dinner? I love writing Joshaya so I am :P The next couple of chapters might be a little friendship fluff heavy, fair warning. Have not decided yet. Still trying to find time to balance everything IRL so may be a while before next update. As always thanks for reading and always appreciate reviews/criticisms/predictions/reactions/anything at all/etc, I just love heaving from you guys in general 3


	12. Chapter 12

"So HE decided that since he put a ring on it she was just going wherever he was and SHE spent the night with some rando and went home and broke it off the next day? That the general gist?" Josh's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process everything Maya had told him in the past half hour while chopping vegetables together. He liked to pretend he was a good multi-tasker but often times he got distracted by a stray lock of hair or the curve of her waist or literally anything when he looked toward her. 

"Not a rando and apparently it was Heehaw's idea." 

"So they're idiots. Wife, why are we having idiots over for dinner?" Josh laughed. 

"Idiot. Singular not plural and you talk about my best friend that way and I'll deck ya," She shook her first theatrically at him. 

He laughed before pulling her close, "Oooh, feisty," he grinned before planting a big wet smooch on her lips. 

"Since the day I was born." She shook her head smiling as wide as her face would allow her to. They kissed again, this time more deeply; their tongues exploring the depths of one another's mouths. Maya let out a small sigh against Josh before she reached up grabbing a handful of his hair. His hands moved to her hips and picked her up to sit her on the kitchen counters. Without taking their lips off of one another's, Maya wrapped her legs around Josh as his mouth moved to her collarbone. His hands moved from her waist up her back, and slipped under her top. Between gasps and moans, she felt his hands approach her bra clasp and she forced the words out of her mouth, "Baby," 

"Hmm?" He replied, not even pausing what he was doing. 

"Onions," she gasped. He pulls away and nods at her, "onions" he says before pulling his shirt off over his head. 

Continuing kissing her neck, his lips moved farther and farther down her neck. Maya did not even realize when her bra had been unhooked. How did he always do that? She tried to not feel his skin on hers and how electric it felt and keep her thoughts clear. "Baby!" 

"What?!" Josh pulled away annoyed. 

"Your onions," Maya said equally annoyed, pointing at the frying pan of now charred onions on the stovetop. 

"Oh…. well you coulda said something Maya!" he accused jokingly. He turned off the stove and frowned at the wasted food. It was just an onion but he hadn't wanted to cook in the first place and the discouragement wasn't helping. All the prep work was done he supposed. 

"Hey, I ain't the one trying to set the house on fire." Maya frowned seeing Josh's sad face. "What'sa matter honey?" 

"I don't feel like cooking tonight. I don't want to entertain. I wanna be lazy with you." 

"You don't have to cook but we can't just stay in and fuck all the time. We have to be social sometimes and we gotta eat. I don't know about you, but I sure gotta eat. Okay?" Maya cajoled. 

"Okay…" Josh pouted. "I guess it has been a while since we've seen just Riley." 

"She needs us." Maya said reaching back and rehooking her bra under her shirt. 

"Speaking of just Riley, how was breakfast? Just like old times?" Maya frowned at her husband's question. 

"Uh… sort of…" Maya's voice trailed off, "It wasn't just her and she's hurting pretty bad so she didn't really seem herself." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I basically had to drag her and Farkle out of the apartment to breakfast and we all talked plenty but it wasn't like she was there, ya know? Like her mind was someplace else." Josh pretended not to hear the slight scoff when Maya said Farkle's name. 

"Well like you said she's hurting, I mean how would you feel if you lost someone you've spent almost half your life with?" Maya mumbled something unintelligible under her breath. 

"Okay what? Do we hate Farkle now?" Josh asked confused, trying to piece together his wife's obvious discontent. 

"No, it's just… he's the rando you know? She's spent the last two nights with him and it's just… I don't know I just think there's something hinky about it!" Josh narrowed his eyes at her still not understanding. 

"Oh. OOOH." Josh said finally understanding, his eyes widening. Josh suddenly looked at her with disbelief, "You really think she's doing the Minkus kid?" 

"Well no but it's only a matter of time, look at the guy," Maya blurted. 

"Okay I don't wanna know what THAT means but I think you're being kinda cranky because someone's spending time with your best friend and that's not sitting right with you." Josh raised his voice at her unintentionally and she glared at him.

 _Cranky_. That was a euphemism her and Josh used when they went to their work functions together and commented on other's behavior while people-watching. He thought she was being a bitch and regardless of the fact Maya knew she was indeed being a bitch because she was jealous, she had to counter because now that's what they were doing. Fighting. 

"Well I'd rather be a bitch than a lazy, horny shut-in." Maya spat. 

"Well you're obviously very capable of being both, aren't you?" Josh spat back throwing his hands in the air. 

"Well if I'm a shut in it's thanks to you and you seem to have no problems with my libido other than this one incidence and as far as lazy is concerned…" 

"Oh, here we go…" Josh rolled his eyes. 

"No. You know what, I won't even say it because you already fucking know and I am not a nag." Maya left the kitchen and plopped herself onto the couch. She muttered to herself angrily and crossed her arms. 

"I can hear you!" Josh shouted childishly from the kitchen. 

"Oh yeah? What am I saying?" 

"Well for one if you're gonna call me an asshole at least do it to my face," 

"Lucky guess pretty boy…" Maya huffed. 

"It was, wasn't it?" Josh mused cheerfully to himself. 

"What are you so happy about?" Maya glared as she made her way back to the kitchen. 

"Well for one, my wife thinks I'm pretty so there's that…" Josh smirked. Maya's glare melted into a pout. He pulled her into a hug. "You're an awful insult giver, you know that?" He kissed the top of her head. 

"I wasn't trying very hard. I was only angry you called me a bitch." 

"I did not." he answered indignantly. 

"Cranky?" Maya raised an eyebrow. 

"Shit I did, didn't I?" He sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." 

"No you did, that's okay though. You're not a horny lazy shut-in." 

"Yeah I am and guess what?" He grinned. 

"What?" She smirked at his contagious smile. 

"You're the big dummy that married me." She kissed him and then gave him a devilish smile, "Wanna go make up?" Maya wiggled her eyebrows at her man. 

"As much as I'd love to, I don't think we have that kind of time before the niece shows up." 

"As much as you'd love to what?" Riley shouted from the doorway throwing her purse onto the table next to it. "Actually I probably don't want to know," She scrunched her face in disgust. 

"Why do we even have locks? I just… I can't understand." Josh muttered. 

Maya went to hug Riley and asked earnestly, "How are you?" 

"I'm fabulous," Riley lied, grinning probably too big. She could not and would not mention that she had actually arrived over a half an hour ago and stood outside their paper thin walls awkwardly as they fought because of her. She would not bring up the fact that she fought with herself as to whether she even wanted to do this. Smiling was exhausting. Leaving Farkle's apartment had been exhausting. Hell, even gathering the strength to greet the happy couple had tuckered her out. Tears threatened her eyes again as she remembered what a burden she felt like. If not for Maya's pity for her, her and Josh could be alone together and they'd be happy. She tried to think of how to be the least annoying version of herself right now and came up empty. She wanted Maya to hug her again and not let go so she could just cry. No words or food or pleasantries involved. 

"Could I borrow your wife for a second?" Riley asked before pulling Maya away. 

"Peaches," Riley started sweetly as they stepped out of earshot. 

"Yeah?" Maya asked, slightly nervous. 

"I just wanted to say formally, congratulations and welcome to being a Matthews, isn't it the best?" She said pulling a small envelope with a red bow on it out of her pocket. 

"It's alright," Maya pretended not to care. Despite her nonchalance, her eyes began to twinkle the minute Riley pulled the envelope out. 

"Just alright?" Riley faked a frown and began to put the envelope back in her pocket. 

"Okay okay, it's the best! My favorite people are Matthews and now I'm one and when Josh calls me Mrs. Matthews around family your dad does that thing where he gets all red and goes GRRR." Maya spoke quickly and laughed. "Now gimme gimme gimme!" She snatched the envelope from Riley's pocket. 

"I'm pretty sure if you called him brother-in-law, his head might actually burst." Riley laughed as Maya's eyes grew wide at the contents of the envelope. She pulled out two slips of paper. 

"Riles…." Maya started, "What did you…?" Tears filled her eyes as she saw her and Josh's names on two airline vouchers. 

"Paris. You did still wanna go right?" Riley smiled as Maya tried to form a coherent sentence. 

"We couldn't possibly accept this." Maya shook her head, trying to gulp down the lump in her throat. 

"Of course you can, you're my aunt now. I doubt with the amount you two have been working you've properly honeymooned and I'm not the only Matthews with some serious wanderlust, I can't be. You're an artist and you can..." Riley's rambling was cut off by Maya pulling her into a hug. 

"I don't know how you did this but thank you." Maya sniffed back what was the beginning of a loose tear. 

"I love you. I want you guys to have all the happiness you deserve." Riley's eyes were misty too, but she was not quite as good at sniffing them back.

When they returned to Josh they both smiled as big as their faces would allow and their arms were linked. 

"Well aren't you two a sight for sore eyes, why are we all smiley?" 

"You're taking me to Paris!" Maya shouted as she jumped on Josh's back. 

"I'm doing what now?" He asked as he plopped down on the couch, effectively crushing his petite wife. Over the years he'd learn to combat her surprise piggyback rides. 

"HONEYMOON!" Maya shouted excitedly. 

"Baby you know I'd love to take you but we can't afford to right now… Maybe after a little saving and some overtime…." his voice began to trail off until Maya began waving the airline vouchers in his face. 

"It's a wedding gift," Riley interjected. "And I know you both were really excited about cooking for me but I was thinking maybe instead of something so formal, we could do tacos and binge watch something on Netflix instead?" 

Josh began brooding. The house smelled like burnt onions and garlic, he knew his niece was protecting his feelings but she was the type that always wanted to go out and do things. 'We have to go experience life!' she would say before pulling them out of the house. This wasn't like her. 

"I don't want tacos." Maya said. Josh and Riley gasped, mouths agape. They looked at one another and back at Maya. Riley quickly rushed to her blonde best friend and put a hand up to her forehead. 

"Does she feel warm?" Josh asked, feigning concern. 

"She's gotta get to bed STAT." Riley returned the look. 

"Ha ha." Maya deadpanned. "Pizza?" 

"Nah." Josh replied. 

"I'm actually not that hungry, I had a super late lunch and I mostly just came over to see you guys. Have whatever you want, I'm probably gonna head out soon." 

"But you just got here!" Maya argued. 

"I know, I know. I'm the worst but I have one hell of a stomach ache. I'm gonna go have a lie down. I love you guys, I'm sorry I haven't been around much I just need some time to like recharge, ya know?" Riley said grabbing her bag from the front table. 

"Wait, where are you staying? You can lie down here." Josh tried to reason. 

"I'm… actually staying somewhere." Riley tried to keep vague but she could tell the two would not drop it. "I remember college you guys, I really don't wanna hear those noises again." 

Riley kissed them both on the cheek and turned back toward the door before Maya grabbed her by the hand. "Not so fast." She dragged her back to the sofa. "We don't have a bay window but we're sure as hell having a conversation, your uncle too. Sit." Both Josh and Riley obeyed. 

"We're worried about you. We miss you." Maya said. 

"I'm good. I've just been busy. The trip is coming up and lots of loose ends, you know?" Riley smiled and avoided eye contact. "And don't go all concerned elder on me, it's weird." 

"Okay, I'll try. Where are you staying?" Maya asked sternly. 

"Me and Zay are switching apartments for a little while. I'm safe. It's temporary, I took an earlier leave date so it's REALLY temporary. Okay?" Riley's eyes pleaded with Maya to not press the matter. 

"Okay." Maya sighed. "Hey," 

"Yeah?" Riley replied. 

"You'll find me when you're ready to talk, right?" Riley had never been one to deny herself feeling and this facade of being alright was genuinely scaring Maya more than she'd care to admit. 

Riley smiled a soft, recognizably sad smile and nodded, "You bet Peaches."

* * *

 **Author's Note: GRR! I know you guys are reviewing but nothing is showing up and some of your more detailed reviews (lookin at you ShannonCrystal, my literal favorite) I can't read in their entirety. Super frustrating!**


	13. Chapter 13

Weeks passed and though Riley had reassured Maya that she was staying at Farkle's, she really spent nights wherever she pleased. That was part of the beauty of New York, you could just not sleep if you so chose. It wasn't called the city that never slept for nothing and while every now and again she'd spend the night at Farkle's, most nights she'd walk around to clear her head or perch herself up at the library and study language for her upcoming trip. She often wondered to herself what was wrong with her. It kept her up. On nights where the insomnia was particularly bad, she'd head to her parents house and lay in her old bed. She'd listen to her parents talk about their days to one another or Auggie on the phone with Ava and it would remind her of a time she remembered being truly content with her lot in life. 

Riley walked through Farkle's door with slumped shoulders and collapsed on the front couch. She heard rustling coming from one of the rooms. Farkle must be home. She thought it was pretty weird that he was home in the middle of the day so she approached the door with the intention of checking on him, he could be sick. Instead she stopped at the doorknob to see a tie on the door. Jesus Farkle, how old are we? Not even the right doorknob. She could come back later… Or… A mischievous smirk began to form on Riley's lips before bursting through the door. 

"Oh my god! In OUR bed, how could you?!" Riley screamed hysterically as she interrupted Farkle and a size 2 blonde en flagrante. 

"Riley! What are you-" Farkle stumbled over his words as his date, mortified clutched the covers up to her chest. 

"On our anniversary?!" Riley added for dramatic flair. 

"What?!" The blonde exclaimed as she got up in bra and panties and shuffled to put her clothes back on. 

"No, this is Riley, my room mate. GET OUT!" Farkle yelled pulling himself up under the covers. 

Tearfully Riley managed between sobs, "Who's Riley? I'm Morotia Minkus," She wept theatrically. 

"Minkus? You're married. Awesome. Is your name even Farkle? Of course it's not, what kind of name is Farkle? You're disgusting." The blonde shouted as she gathered her things and pulled a purple dress over her head. "I am so sorry ma'am, I had no idea," were the last words the blonde uttered while she left hopping on one leg, struggling to get her other heel on. 

"Alicia! I mean Ashley! Wait!" Farkle yelled after her. It was no use. She was gone. He plopped himself back into bed and pulled the covers over his head and groaned loudly. Riley swallowed her lips to try to contain laughter. 

"Was that good for you?" Farkle asked annoyed, still under the covers. 

"Amazing actually," Riley laughed. Farkle popped his head out from under his sheets to catch a glimpse of her, that was real laughter. A great sound, his favorite actually. 

"Any particular reason for that?" 

"Nah," she said nonchalant, "Bored. Didn't feel like sharing ya at the moment." 

Farkle pursed his lips, Riley looked at him fighting a smile. "That was funny, you probably don't think so right this second but that's only because all your bloods down there right now," she said gesturing in a circular motion around his pelvis. 

"You know I'm not letting you stay here anymore, right?" He said exasperated. 

"Yeah you are," Riley chirped. She called his bluff, he could never kick her out. She was barely ever home as it was. Riley dropped herself onto the bed and put an arm around a still shirtless Farkle, "You're an incredibly kind and patient person, do you know that?" 

"And you are an actual crazy person." He sighed, he couldn't help but smile though. Any time she did it was contagious. 

"Are you flexing right now?" Riley asked, amused. His bicep twitched. Guess he was. 

"No," he lied. Riley smiled big and got up, "Alright Muscles, put on pants and let's hit the gym." 

"Are you gonna make me do that thing I don't wanna do?" Farkle groaned. She scrunched her face and nodded. 

"I don't feel right about it," Farkle frowned. 

"I'm not gonna get better unless we spar," Riley explained, "C'mon please…" 

"I can't beat you up!" Farkle argued. 

"Well no shit Sherlock, that's kinda the point isn't it?" Riley smirked, taunting him. 

"I could, but I don't want to is what I'm saying." Farkle corrected. 

"I don't think you could," Riley taunted. 

"I know you're trying to use reverse psychology on me," Farkle sighed. 

Riley smirked and got very close to his face and whispered, "Prove it." He didn't know when Riley got so competitive but he couldn't say he hated it, it suited her. He smirked, pulling her elbow down from around his arm and pinned her underneath him. "Okay but don't say I didn't warn you." 

Riley bit her bottom lip to keep her smile hidden. "Farkle," she said as her breathing hitched. 

"Yeah?" He asked staring down her. He gulped. 

"Wouldn't this probably be more appropriate if you were wearing pants?" Riley laughed. He rolled over her to the other side of the bed and put his arms behind his head, resting. 

"Probably," he said with nonchalance. "I love seeing your face first thing in the morning, I truly do, but you are a bit of.. how should I say this?" 

"Nuisance? Pest? Inconvenience?" Riley questioned, concerned. 

"Cockblock." Farkle said annoyed and decisively. Riley grinned big. 

"Riley Matthews, cockblock extraordinaire." She beamed, proud moving her hand from side to side as if imagining her name in lights. "How can I possibly be a cockblock if I'm never here?" 

"You…. just are, okay? Even when you're not bursting through the door pretending to be my wife." Farkle rubbed his forehead with frustration. 

Riley shrugged, "You know the last time I got laid?" Riley inquired. Farkle rolled his eyes and recited tiredly, "Never." 

"Yeah that's right NEVER so you just… be thankful," she nodded slowly. Farkle pulled a pair of gray jeans over his navy boxers and buttoned them. Riley's eyes glossed over his abs before looking away, a gesture Farkle did not fail to notice though it only made him smile harder. 

"Can you get me a shirt?" He asked, standing in front of the mirror trying to coif his bedhead into something presentable. Frowning, he gave up and pulled a beanie over his head. While his back was turned to Riley she couldn't help but notice the black spiral that ran up his back and around the edge of his shoulder. She had never noticed it before. 

She handed him her favorite t-shirt, it was black with a green test tube on it and said "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." She had gotten it for him for Christmas and it felt goofy as hell to wear as an adult but that's why Farkle liked it. 

She had gotten it for him winters ago, before Farkle had grown and taken up various forms of physical exercise so it fit very different now. The sleeves were a little tight around the biceps and you could see the outline of his abs when he moved certain ways. He wore it well. Unconsciously that was one of the reasons Riley liked it. 

"Nice ink." Riley gestured to the intricate linework on his back that spiraled around the back of his shoulder. 

Farkle smiled, "Thanks, it took like 4 sessions to get the way I wanted." 

"What is it?" Riley asked mesmerized, without realizing she was tracing one of the lines on his shoulder blade. 

"Fibonacci spiral. The golden ratio. It's... stupid." Farkle sputtered, suddenly nervous. 

"No, I like it." She said her eyes fixed on it, still tracing. "Perfection in all things, I dig it." Snapping herself out of it she pulled her fingers back from him. "Sorry," she coughed. 

He anxiously pulled his shirt on. Riley quickly recovered from her slight embarrassment. "Alright, let's go fight." Her eyes glittered, she was entirely too excited. She grabbed his forearm to urge him to leave. 

"Dinner on me after," Farkle said, "It's the least I can do for you Morotia on this, the day of our fake anniversary." Riley laughed. 

Farkle grabbed his phone and shoved it in his pocket, "Alright, let's go fight you angry little virgin." 

"That's no way to talk to your fake wife," The two started toward the door. 

"Hey, when'd you get so good at acting?" 

"Oh," Riley smiled softly, "I've been practicing." 

On the walk back, Riley didn't let go of Farkle's arm. She hated that she liked fighting so much, it seemed so unlike her but recently she learned that she had a lot of aggression that she kept pent up. Farkle was a good guy to spar with, every other guy she had ever practiced bruised their ego really early on. She had taken class after class of krav maga and kickboxing. She had beaten nearly every person she'd ever fought. 

"I think you bruised my ribs a little bit," Farkle winced in pain. He wasn't very hurt, he had been beaten worse. He never went easy on her, and they were pretty equally matched. Her heart was always in it a lot more than his was, he noticed. He never knew why, you could tell she was passionate about practicing though. Farkle only used to box once in a while as stress relief, but lately he'd been doing it several nights a week for Riley's sake. It had left him sore and exhausted for rehearsal and he found himself dozing off at work but it was a small price to pay for Riley's big beautiful grin and boasting afterward. 

The truth was, even Riley didn't fight this often but it kept her mind off of how her trip drew closer and how she still had to retrieve important paperwork from home. From Lucas's house, she mentally corrected. After the initial shock, she was taking the separation surprisingly well. She found she was good at being alone. She didn't feel very sad anymore either, just a sense of apathy and boredom as she waited for the month to pass so she could go on her volunteer mission. 

She worked at a community clinic in the daytime and would hog most of Farkle's nights. He was a night owl like her. Some nights they would go out drinking which was always fun until Farkle would inevitably start flirting with some pretty young thing and Riley would be left alone. The nights Riley slept at Farkle's apartment, those girls never stayed very long. He'd entertain them for a drink or two and they'd inevitably return home before the night was over. Some rotten luck he'd been having, Riley would think to herself. Her favorite thing to do though was fight with Farkle, which is so funny she'd muse to herself, because they'd never actually hurt one another but they had no problem trying to punch one another in the face. She liked to gloat after how much of a badass she felt like after she beat him, which she did. Every time. Her favorite thing about sparring with Farkle was though was how unpredictable he was. He truly kept her on her feet. He was stronger than her but he tried so often to outsmart her in the ring. Sometimes she wondered if he did some of the things he did just to see how she'd react. Was all of this only for her benefit? She wondered it often but something made her not care. She loved the way she could connect with him in this way that no one else could. She loved how he never held back, how their bodies moved together and against one another. 

"Yeah, I'm kinda awesome," Riley smiled at Farkle in a way that warmed him. They walked to their favorite bar for that drink Farkle promised his fake wife. Outside they saw Zay, Lucas and Isadora outside of the building they were approaching. They would say hi eventually but right now the trio did not see them. They saw Zay duck into the building. Riley felt Farkle stop so she followed suit. He looked at her to gauge her reaction. She was fine, she nodded him the okay. In the distance, Lucas was leaning up against a building, arm next to Smackle. He leaned in close. 

Riley's eyes were fixed on the events unfolding in front of her. She saw Lucas lean in further. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. She saw his lips land on hers and Smackle's stance change. Farkle wish he couldn't read her body language but she was leaned in, vulnerable. She wanted him to kiss her. When her hand reached Lucas's head, Farkle couldn't help but remember whose arm was around him. 

"Huh." Riley said, having an epiphany. She was fine. She was unfazed by Lucas kissing Smackle. As the heat on her arm grew, she realized she might be the only one. Farkle cleared his throat loudly, she looked toward him. 

"There are other places to grab a drink in the city," He said, dragging Riley away. He turned away so he couldn't see her face. He didn't want to see the look he expected from her: devastation. He would lead her by the arm all the way home in silence without looking at her face even once. 

* * *

**Author's Note:** Don't hate me. I just type, the words write themselves. The universe demanded this! Love hearing from you guys (even if its not pleasant, lol) so I hope you'll read & review.


	14. Chapter 14

Lucas had been drunk for three days or maybe it was four? Zay was such a good friend. Lucas constantly reminded Zay of this while drunk. Zay made sure Lucas didn't die and called out of work for Lucas when he would wake up still drunk from the night before.

They tangled sometimes. According to the Zay, they had gotten into three fist fights. At some point in each fight, Lucas fell asleep during. He claimed Zay choked him out but even he knew he wasn't taking the separation with the kind of dignity he wanted.

On the third or fourth day, he wanted to drink. Whiskey reminded him of Riley, it was her favorite. It was his favorite because of her or maybe it was her favorite because of him, at a certain point it stopped mattering. What do you do when the love of your life is okay with being worlds apart from you? He didn't know. He tried watching sappy chick flicks and eating ice cream with Zay like when Vanessa left Zay. It wasn't quite his thing and he secretly suspected Zay just liked chick flicks and ice cream and would use any old excuse to partake in them. Sometimes he wanted to cry and he would remember Riley's rants about toxic masculinity and how they were raised in a culture where expressing emotion was feminine and weak. She'd talk about men's suicide rates and how we needed to raise men that could express themselves without being shamed for it. He would nod, watching her intensely, disagreeing with every word she said but fixated on the fire in her eyes. She was so passionate.

He needed to snap out of it. Instead of a drink, he would go for a walk. He hadn't left the house in days. After a much overdue long hot shower, he dressed himself and stumbled out of the house while Zay was in the bathroom. His buzz had worn off slightly but the world was still spinny. He had learnt from Zay that Riley would be staying with Farkle for a while. It had felt like a punch in the gut. In a way, this felt inevitable. She had began packing at least a month ago. _Spring_ _cleaning_ , she cheered. Later he found out it was because of her trip to Ecuador. Since college had began they had been slowly descending into this cycle of talking less and fighting more. Keeping secrets. Feeling less. They had assumed it was just a part of growing old together. Getting comfortable.

He stumbled down the street and quickly realized not only was he still pretty drunk, he was also very turned around. He sat on a bench till the feeling of wanting to vomit would pass. Maybe he'd close his eyes for a second and when he'd open them he'd know where he was and why. So he closed his eyes and when he opened them a pair of bespectacled brown eyes were staring down at him, with the sun shining behind her.

"Hello." A familiar voice greeted him.

"Smackle. You seem well." Lucas struggled to sound sober. He straightened himself up on the bench.

"Lucas, you seem inebriated." Smackle was glad she had decided to get up a little earlier than planned to see a very hunky young man on the bench in front of her apartment.

"I may be slightly intoxicated." He slurred.

"It is six o clock in the morning," Smackle said urgently.

"Thank you for that information Smackle." Lucas said, rubbing his temples. He groaned. _How can I be hungover when I'm not even done being drunk?_

"Isadora. I haven't gone by Smackle since high school." She said extending her hand for him to get up.

"Where are we going?" Lucas questioned. Honestly, he had only known Farkle and Smackle broken up because of the group's discussion of Farkle's newfound affinity with the ladies. It was in college that Lucas has realized that life had broken their little group of friends up pretty good. They still all loved one another but coordinating schedules and getting together for catch-ups was hard. By sophomore year of college, they had all started on the paths that were now their lives, most not including one another. It was a beautiful but sad process, watching everyone blossom. Lucas sometimes felt stuck. Coming to New York had not been a choice and he often wondered what his life would be like he had stayed back in Texas and never had met Riley or the small group. Thoughts like those were hurtful, he recognized, which is part of the reason he never told Riley about applying to all those residency programs. He had only applied to one in New York. He had applied to eight in Texas. Subconsciously maybe some part of him had been yearning to go back. Maybe it was sabotage. He could hardly remember that Lucas Friar now and found it hard to get into his headspace or any headspace for that matter. His head was banging and his eyes burned.

"My apartment's right there. Come on, let's get you some coffee." She had pulled him up with shocking ease and dragged him upstairs. Lucas didn't resist. It had been a while since he felt the company of someone other than Zay. He had been invited to dinner with Maya and Josh days after the separation but he felt it was out of politeness, or even worse pity, so he didn't go.

Smackle's apartment was neat. It was devoid of color except for a few pops in a throw pillow or rug, it was exactly what you'd expect of Isadora Smackle's apartment.

"Sit." Isadora commanded. He did as she said. She disappeared into the kitchen and he thought oh the ridiculousness of the situation. Coffee with Smackle. Drunk coffee with Smackle, no less.

Smackle came out in a red dress that swung around her full hips holding a tray with two mugs. Had she changed her clothes? Had Lucas even looked at her before she dragged him up? She set the tray upon the coffee table in front of Lucas with two cups of coffee on them. She sat on the chaise lounge in front of him, grabbing one of the mugs. Lifting it towards him, she raised it as if toasting.

"I have amaretto if you're an alcoholic now." She said sharply. He didn't understand where the criticism was coming from.

"No, I just haven't been having the best week." Lucas sipped his too hot coffee. He didn't feel the burning of his tongue.

"Couple of weeks from what I hear." Isadora frowned sympathetically.

"I guess it has been a couple of weeks now." Lucas gulped. He felt this strange awkwardness. He wasn't being judged but still he wanted to impress her. "I'm just adjusting." He added for clarification, he didn't want her to think he was pathetic.

"I see." She looked down at her hands then back at him. Her eyes had gotten a lighter shade of brown. Like chocolate pudding. "Are you drunk out of sadness or freedom?" She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him.

"Neither…. Both…. I don't know. I appreciate the gesture Smackle, I'm feeling much better now."

"There's no need to lie Lucas, it doesn't become you. And again, Isadora."

"Sorry. Uh Isadora. I just need time I guess." Lucas lied, he didn't know what he needed but he didn't like this feeling of his stomach in knots.

She locked eyes with him. "Give me an hour." Her tone was something Lucas couldn't figure out. Sexy? "I can fix you." He choked on nothing in particular, "Ma'am?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are you afraid of needles?" He shook his head no despite the fact that he was very afraid of needles. Isadora got up and returned with a IV bag and took Lucas's forearm, searching for a vein. Holding his arm, she felt it tense. "Really?" She scolded.

"I didn't know you were in medicine." He looked away from his arm, waiting for her to prick him.

"I'm not. This is a hobby. How's Riley?" Just as soon as the words escaped her lips, Lucas winced. He shot a glare at her.

"I find sometimes emotional pain helps detract from physical pain. Sorry." As soon as the fluid began to pump through Lucas, he did begin to feel better. She held the IV bag for a few minutes before shoving it in Lucas's free hand. "Hold it upright, give it a shake if it starts getting low. You're gonna be very cold and have to pee in about 10-15 minutes. I need you to sit through that."

She got up and left the room, leaving behind a very confused Lucas Friar. She came back and threw a blanket at him. He caught it, still confused by the shows of kindness and aggression.

"Why are you doing this?" Lucas asked looking at her. He recognized that look in her eyes. Something familiar. Pity? Disdain?

"This is something I do for my friends from time to time. If we spent any real time together perhaps you'd know that." Lucas kept his eyes down. His focus in the group had been pretty limited to Riley, and for a short while, Maya. He, Zay and Farkle used to hang out regularly but even that had become rare after graduation. He had never considered how this made the others feel.

"Oh." Lucas had said. Isadora frowned, she could tell he was hurt and that he was feeling ashamed of being in this situation in the first place.

"I don't mean to make you feel bad. I've been you Lucas. Successful, smart, wildly attractive and then ambition tears you away from your beloved. It's an awful fate."

"It does seem…uh… bleak." Lucas agreed. He never really thought of ambition as being one of of the precipitating factors of his and Riley's separation but he guessed his residency was as much to blame as Riley's trip.

"You must move forward. Zay is your friend right?" He nodded. "Well, he's one of my closest friends too. We're going out tonight." Lucas's face almost turned to a smile before she added, "We're not drinking." His face dropped.

"What are we doing then?" Lucas couldn't help but wonder aloud.

"Something scientifically proven to reduce stress hormones and something that has benefitted me personally a great deal." Lucas raised an eyebrow. "We're going to go sing."

"We're going to what now?"

"It's good for the soul Lucas, it helps you get over stuff, opens you up in a healthy way, express things you'd be otherwise be embarrassed to express."

"Even if you're an awful singer?" Lucas asked incredulously.

"Especially if you're an awful singer. Karaoke is THE place for awful singers." Isadora reassured. Lucas did need a distraction. Besides Smackle had never led anyone astray, she was the smartest person he knew.

"Okay, tonight." Lucas agreed. He had pushed the blanket aside which made Smackle visibly uncomfortable.

"I'm going to work, you can sleep here if you'd like. You'll wake up feeling better." Lucas was struggling with the idea of accepting help from a friend he'd ignored for so long.

"No uh no thank you, I'm fine." He sighed. Isadora was getting increasingly annoyed by his contradictions. Lucas could barely keep his eyes open.

"This is no time for pride. You look like you've been physically tortured. Do you want to feel better or not?" Lucas slouched down from his scolding and started unfolding the blanket over top of himself.

Isadora grabbed a bag from next to Lucas and headed toward the door, "I clock out at 6, don't be here when I get back. Oh and lock up before you leave. See you tonight!" She shouted behind her shoulder.

"Wait, where's the bathroom?!" He panicked.

"It's the room without a bed in it, you'll find it! Bye." With that, she was gone. Lucas was alone again. He didn't really have to use the bathroom, he just wasn't ready to crash out on a near stranger's couch just yet. He got up and skulked throughout the apartment. He knew if Smackle would come back, he'd hear it but he still looked over his shoulder constantly. He opened all the cabinets one by one and the fridge. Smackle had matching plates, mugs and bowls. Her cutlery was well organized so were her dishes, pots, and pans. He noticed a lot of spices in the cabinet that he didn't recognize. He quickly lost interest and moved toward the closed door next to the open one down the hallway. Through the open door he could see a sliver of the toilet but he pretended not see it.

"Maybe this is the bathroom…" He said aloud to no one in particular, turning the handle on the doorknob he knew to be Isadora's room. Inside were periwinkle walls with a ruffled turquoise and purple bed. There was a desk in the corner, facing out towards the street. A collection of framed butterflies hung above the desk.

"O….kay…." Lucas felt shifty, looking towards the butterflies and moths, "That's a little serial killery…" He moved toward her bookcase and browsed the titles. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Animal Farm, Art of War, of course it was alphabetized. In the middle of the fourth shelf was a black leather bound volume that had only the word "Memories" on the spine. It was a photo album, the first page read **If you're looking at this and your name isn't Isadora, I'm either dead or you're not supposed to be here.** A chill ran up Lucas's spine. Her non-verbal scolding was worse.

He turned the page anyways and saw photos of a chunky brunette baby then a nerdy young child. He smiled. Smackle was a cute kid. Several photos were from Einstein Academy, some from debates with Farkle. It was strange to see them as rivals but they had always been cute together, even when they were against one another. Spelling bees and debates. The next couples of pages were pictures of Farkle and Smackle together throughout the years. Some were with the rest of the group at Topanga's but others were at a museum and outside a public library, the statue of liberty and the Library of Congress. The two were shouting and smiling and then the closer the photos got to graduation, the less they were. Lucas's smile faded into a frown, these pages were worn. Someone had looked at them again and again. He saw it within his own relationship with Riley but it was so clear in photos: the decline, the distance.

Suddenly the realization struck him that whatever he was feeling for Riley, Smackle probably felt for Farkle. She began her relationship with Farkle when she had trouble connecting with anyone, her bond with him was very different than his with Riley. Lucas thought of how many women Farkle had been with since, he tried to imagine how that'd feel for him. Righteous anger for Farkle grew within Lucas. He realized then Smackle trying to make him feel better may have not been only for Lucas's benefit. It may have been what Smackle wished for herself. No one was there for her though. He shut the book and replaced it on the shelf. _Okay, I'll do this dumb karaoke thing._ He had to learn to be a better friend. First, he'd listen to Isadora. He did need sleep. Real sleep, not drunken passed out sleep. He tucked himself in the blanket on the couch and fell asleep, only intending a quick 20 minute snooze.

The door slamming jerked Lucas awake.

"Well that would explain the door being unlocked." Smackle said, her hands on her hips.

"Smackle, you're home, hey." He groggily rubbed his eyes. He glanced down at his watch. It was 6pm. "Shit, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she sighed. "I'm gonna change, Isaiah is gonna be here soon." She disappeared into her bedroom, only to come out again instantly.

"You touched my stuff." She stated.

"How did you know that?" Lucas questioned.

"That's not important, what did you go through?" Her tone grew more accusatory.

"Some photos… I'm sorry." He hung his head in shame. "Are you over Farkle?" He asked.

"This is no time to try to seduce me, Friar." She answered annoyed.

"I just mean, does it still hurt he ended things?" Lucas questioned. Isadora almost laughed.

"He didn't end things, I did. I technically paused them and he just ran with it." She shrugged.

"Why did you do that?"

"I don't know, why did you break up with Riley?"

"I… don't know."

"Yes you do, you wanted her to fight for you,"

"I knew she wouldn't." Lucas looked Isadora in the eyes and she felt his sadness.

"Lucas," she started softly, "sometimes to move forward you have to break your own heart." That was a truth that resonated deep within his soul.

"We're both better for it." Lucas flashed her a sad smile. Smackle didn't know if Lucas meant she and him were better for it or him and Riley, either way it was true.

"Okay I really do have to change my clothes though," She said walking away. She came back in a shorter black dress. It fit… _well_ , Lucas thought. It wasn't skin-tight, it complimented her curves nicely and Lucas noticed she wasn't wearing her glasses.

"Stop ogling me, Lucas." She said, flipping her hair.

"You can see?"

"I occasionally wear contacts." Glancing at her phone, "Isaiah says he's running late and will meet us at the bar. Let's go." It was a 15 minute walk before they arrived a decently packed bar. Lucas whined about not drinking, how happy hour was almost over and how his body no longer knew how to process non-alcoholic beverages all before they even managed to enter. A redhead walked up to the two in a yellow tank top and jeans, "Hey," she giggled towards Lucas.

"Keep it moving sister," Isadora said, shoving the girl aside. Lucas raised an eyebrow at her, "This is for your benefit." She clarified. The worst thing he could do for himself right now was do something before he was ready. Zay showed up shortly after and was very interested in yellow tank top girl.

"I have to go say hi," Zay said urgently, his eyes locked with the redhead inside the bar. Isadora looked at him incredulously. The redhead was definitely taking advantage of the wall of windows in the front of the bar, she glanced back at it constantly as she shimmied and gyrated with her friends.

"Do you know her?" Lucas asked naively. Smackle rolled her eyes as Zay slinked away, "No but I sure as hell am trying to."

There was a moment of silence before Lucas noticed a change in Smackle's posture. Her shoulders dropped and she made herself very small physically. At one point, she actually covered her face uncomfortably.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"That guy," Isadora whispered, "I almost dated that guy." She gestured with her eyes towards a tall shaggy looking blonde guy smoking next to them. Lucas scrunched his face, "Really?"

"Yeah I thought he was brilliant," she continued to whisper, "but he said some very homophobic things while we were getting to know one another that just did not sit right with me so," she shrugged.

"You just iced him out?" His eyes grew with disbelief that Smackle would ever avoid the truth to protect a stranger's feelings, she was the most blunt, straightforward person he knew. He leaned against the wall to shield Isadora from the stranger and winked at her, "This is for your benefit."

"Well, I should probably address that. Like with Isaiah, you too are what some would consider an attractive male specimen. You're going to be propositioned," Smackle explained, " **Sexually** _ **,"**_ She cautioned. Lucas cracked a smile.

"And I have some bad news, you're gonna want to accept their advances and any time you kiss them it's going to feel like cheating. It's that way for quite some time."

Lucas frowned as Isadora's face softened, "It's very easy to stop when you can't be with your right someone anymore, but you have to keep trying. To connect with people. Some choose to with worthwhile people and some with replaceable bodies. That's your choice but you can't give up on the pursuit of joy. You have to continue to kiss people, even if you don't feel some profound connection with them." She leaned in as if she were telling him a secret, "It's okay to kiss even if you're not in love. Not out of spite or jealousy or vengeance but for yourself. For the possibility of love. Everyone deserves to be kissed by someone that thinks they're…"

Before Smackle could finish her statement, Lucas was leaning in to kiss her. For some reason she was alright with it. Her attraction to him had been no secret and better her than some random floozy inside of the bar and so they kissed a short but slow kiss on the lips. There was something electric about it but Isadora chalked that up to being kissed without initiating it for the first time. She pulled away, a smile almost adorning her face until she followed Lucas's eyeline and saw Farkle dragging away a familiar brunette in the distance. Her smile and stomach dropped.

Lucas didn't know why he kissed Isadora. Maybe to convince himself that he was finally over Riley. Maybe it was because Smackle was beautiful and smart and kind and he needed that right now or maybe it was to hurt Farkle or Riley, or both. Maybe it was just because of how tired he was of being told how he felt or was going to feel. Either way when his lips touched hers, it took him by surprise. In that moment he wasn't concerned with anything else going on in the world but her fingers on his face and his lips on hers. He almost didn't want to pull away but when he did, reality struck him again. He remembered where he was and what he did and how practically everyone saw. He saw hurt in Smackle's eyes.

"Lucas Friar, you are so disappointing." Her tone was cold with indifference.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : This is a very long chapter. I tried to cut it down, break it into pieces, rework events. Wasn't happening! Sorry if you guys still hate me but *shrug* I'm a [wo]man with a plan. Sort of. R&R please! CC welcome.


	15. Chapter 15

"Farkle stop!" Her arm was getting tired and she needed to stop being dragged along. "Look at me." They were already at the door to his apartment, he didn't look toward her. He unlocked the door and walked through, letting go of his grip on her hand. Riley didn't let go of his hand.

"Goddammit would you talk to me?!" Riley shouted at Farkle's back. He turned around calmly, "Could you come in please?" His eyes pled from inside the living room, he didn't need her scaring the neighbors. She stepped inside and studied his face but to no avail. He had his poker face on.

"Well!?" Riley asked dramatically.

"Well, I promised you a drink and a drink we shall have." He smiled. _Fake_ , Riley thought to herself.

"I don't feel like a drink." Riley spat, she looked down to see an Arnold Palmer being handed to her.

"Me either," Farkle sat down. He held his head for a while and Riley just started at him, trying to decipher his emotional state. "I'm sorry." He finally said.

"For what?" Riley questioned. It really didn't make sense for him to be apologizing, he was the one that was hurt.

"For this giant ass city not being big enough for me to take you somewhere without running into THAT." He stumbled on his words angrily.

"I'm sorry too, are you alright?" She rubbed Farkle's shoulder. He looked at her, questioning.

"I'm fine. I'm… happy for Isadora. Are you alright?" She clicked her tongue and shrugged.

"Surprisingly, I think I'm okay." she said. He tilted his head in disbelief. Farkle raised an eyebrow at her.

"So Lucas kissed a girl? I've kissed like a million people since he and I broke up," she explained.

Farkle found himself frowning and not knowing why, "Really?"

"Well, no but my point is I could. I don't really feel…." Riley expected herself to have more to say after that but it was a complete sentiment. She was just kind of going through the motions of life. She didn't really feel. She mentally amended her statement. "What I'm more concerned with is who he was kissing, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now." She squeezed his shoulder.

"Of course you can, I don't either." He turned towards her and smiled. "Are we good?" he asked.

"Yeah," Riley said discouraged. She laid her head on his shoulder, he rested his head atop hers. "We're good." They sat like that in silence for a long time, Riley took occasional sips of her lemonade/iced tea. After a long while Farkle finally spoke, "Wanna hear something dumb?" She smirked. "Always. What's up?"

"I'm thinking about going out for a part in this production in Manhattan. It's for a musical," He gulped, reluctant.

Riley looked sideways towards his face, grinning, "And?"

"The role, it's for…"

"Spit it out," Riley said excitedly. She was smiling from ear to ear.

"It's a male dancer with several older female benefactresses."

"A GIGOLO" Riley gasped before bursting into a rib-aching bout of laughter. Her face was still resting beside his and he feared he might go deaf in one ear but Riley's laughter being the last thing he'd heard it might be worth it.

"Is that real?" Farkle thought aloud.

"Is what real?" Riley questioned.

"Your laugh, your smile, just anytime you're here." He was afraid to hear the answer. He didn't want to find out if she'd been pretending or if she'd become such a good actress that she could fool even him. He regretted asking.

"I _feel_ fine here." Riley clarified, knowing what he meant. Question for a question, he knew the rules. "Are me and Maya really the same?" She asked.

"Maya and I," Farkle corrected. Riley rolled her eyes. He shook his face to nuzzle her hair ever so slightly. Riley smiled while he sighed.

"I love you and Maya the same just like you love me and Maya the same." He said slowly.

"Who said I do?" She teased. He grinned while still on her shoulder, he didn't need to see her face. He could feel her smile, hear it even. He took a breath as if to say something but then stopped. "Would you be mad if I called you American Gigolo from now on?" He furrowed his brows and got up off of her shoulder, "I might not even go for it. There's… dancing."

Riley raised an eyebrow, "Dancing you say?"

"Stripping," Farkle clarified. Riley swallowed her lips to keep laugher from escaping.

"Oh my," she said, sounding scandalized. "It's just acting, right? Nudity is obviously not new to you."

"Ha ha ha," He deadpanned. "I don't... Do that."

"What? Get naked? Honey I've got some bad news for ya…" She joked, he wasn't smiling. She stopped smiling, feeling bad.

"It's just a combination of dancing and taking your clothes off, don't get so caught up in how it's looking. Do you want me to show you?" His eyes almost bugged out of his head for a moment. He gulped and hoped she wouldn't notice how his entire face seemed to be malfunctioning.

"That is… just the worst idea I have ever heard." He said, almost in pain.

Riley frowned, "Why?"

"I don't need to be up on stage and thinking of you taking your clothes off if I decide to audition."

"Okay, fine show me what you got then." Farkle looks even more upset then.

"I was wrong. THAT is the worst idea I've ever heard."

Riley looked at him angrily, "FINE. We gotta watch a Magic Mike movie…" a smile starts on her face, "For science!" She pointed her finger dramatically in the air.

"Riley," Farkle said exasperated. "I'm not seriously considering auditioning, I was just saying…" He stumbled on his words again, "it's something I could do." Riley scrunched her face in confusion.

"If you weren't seriously considering it, why'd you bring it up?" There was silence for a long time after Riley asked the question.

"Because it's ridiculous and your laughter is important to me." He said quietly, he stared down at his feet. Riley brought his face up by his cheek so she could look him in the eye.

"Hey. Don't, okay? That was really shitty of me. I never want to laugh at your expense, okay? Ever. It's shitty that I did and it's shitty that you knew I would. You're Farkle Minkus, you are amazing at everything. You're good at everything you try and when you're not, you work your ass off until you are. It's one of the best things about you so if you wanna play a stripper, you strip your heart out. You can do anything." Farkle tried to smile but where Riley was touching his face was burning up. Maybe he was blushing. Her eyes were fixed on his, unmoving. Riley couldn't decipher the look Farkle was giving her but something inexplicable was drawing them together. As they moved physically closer towards one another, they stopped centimeters short of one another's lips. Farkle looked down towards her mouth and then back at her eyes. Dilated pupils, flushed cheeks, the slightest quiver on her lips. All signs of attraction. Her phone was ringing in the distance. Farkle realized there would be nothing better in that moment than to feel her lips on his but this was a feeling he found himself fighting often. She wasn't Riley right now, not really. She was some strange broken version of herself that he didn't quite recognize. He couldn't take advantage of her grief. He wouldn't.

Riley felt herself move towards Farkle and it was completely natural. She wasn't thinking of anything except him at that moment. She heard someone's phone buzzing in the distance, she didn't care. There were sirens outside and for the first time in a long time she wasn't worried about where they were going. She wasn't thinking of Lucas or Smackle or what they were doing or what they would think. Something caused Farkle to stop, he glanced down at her lips and licked his. He cleared his throat and pulled away. "Your phone is going off." He said in a nearly cracking voice.

"Right," Riley said, annoyed and hurt. She answered her phone in her normal voice, "Hello?"

"Hi honey," Maya said sweetly. "How are you?"

"How can you possibly…?" Riley said incredible.

"I'm magic," Maya whispered back to her. It was meant to be a joke obviously, but sometimes Riley really wondered about their ring power. Their connection to one another was one that was near supernatural but this time sadly, it wasn't their bestie senses tingling it was just Zay being a wonderfully concerned and transparent friend.

"I think I might be ready for that talk, Peaches." Riley said, trying her hardest not to glare at Farkle. He looked confused, he was unsure of what he did wrong but he knew Riley was upset at him somehow.

"Are you at Farkle's?" Maya inquired, trying her best not to convey any emotion.

"She lives here now!" Farkle said loud enough for Maya to hear over the phone. Maya grinned and raised an eyebrow mischievously.

"It's temporary," Riley said through gritted teeth. She could practically see Maya's facial expression through the phone.

"Oh I'm sure it is, sweetie." Maya replied sweet and sarcastically. "Though I'd love to entertain this conversation, this is a check-in to see how you were doing since..."

"Lucas tongue-wrestling Smackle? Yeah, I'm good." Riley said nonchalantly, she was more annoyed with this line of questioning than anything else.

"Riles?" Maya asked, sounding more concerned this time.

"Hmm?" Riley asked, generally unaffected. She sounded borderline cheery again.

"Could you be a dear and hand Farkle the phone?" Maya asked. Riley didn't say anything, she just handed it over. Farkle took the phone reluctantly and held it up to his ear. Riley couldn't hear what Maya was saying but Farkle's brow furrowed and he said a lot of "uh huh's" and even a couple of "yes ma'am's." After a couple of minutes, his eyes grew and he gulped nervously, "Okay. Bye Maya." He clicked the phone off and turned towards Riley.

"Well?" She asked.

"I'm in trouble." Farkle said, very seriously surprised. He looked as if he were trying to work something out in his brain. Riley could see the gears turning.

"What for?" She asked.

"I… can't say. I think I should take you to Maya & Josh's right now. Or your parents."

"I live here, you just said so yourself. Why are you trying to get rid of me?" Riley's voice cracked and she felt a knot in her chest, like a ton of bricks were dropped on her. She had felt like a burden at every place but here. She was rarely there but it was still the most home like place she had. And now she was being forced out? Her eyes welled up as she tried to blink back angry tears.

"You and Maya should talk, I'm just respecting what she wants from me." He stumbled over his words seeing how visibly shaken Riley was.

"Oh?" She spat. "What about what I want? Why doesn't that matter?"

"What do you want? You wanna stay here? Fine. Stay here. I'll make myself scarce." He got up to leave when Riley grabbed his hand as he began walking away, "Stop."

"I don't know what Maya said to you but you should not be taking it out on me."

"You were just doing the same to me," Farkle said quietly. "But I'm sorry. You're right. No offense to Maya but fuck what she has to say right now, if she wants to talk she can come over. You shouldn't go anywhere if you don't want to."

"Yay," Riley said softly to herself. She was smiling but a tear managed to escape her eyes and made its way down her cheek. Farkle wiped away the tear, struggling with the slight hatred he felt for himself for upsetting her to the point of tears. Logically, he knew it was a culmination of several events that were frustrating her but some part of him was happy to see any emotion from her at all. She didn't feel, she had said and Farkle knew how it easy it was to surrender to that place. He pulled her into a hug. Riley was still holding his hand, which she pulled to her hip and let go. His hand moved to her lower back and he left it there. She waited for him to let go, he didn't. He waited for her and she didn't either.

"I love you being here. You have to know that." Farkle said, she nodded. She knew that. They held on for another long while before Farkle smirked. He began snoring theatrically and felt Riley giggle against him.

"Oh good you too," she laughed. She pulled away, remembering everything that had happened in the past hour, frowning. "I should probably call Maya, huh?" Farkle nodded slowly.

"Invite her over, maybe she'll share some of that truly illuminating insight on the human psyche with you." Farkle said sarcastically.

"You don't mind?" Riley asked hopeful. He shrugged, "you live here, what do I care?" As Riley began dialing she continued watching him out the corner of her eye.

"Hey Farkle?" Riley asked, reluctantly. He was checking his phone but acknowledged her.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta go to Lucas's tomorrow, can you come with me?" She sounded so unsure. Farkle knew her and Lucas had to talk after weeks of radio silence but if she needed support, he'd be there. He could wait at a distance or something. He wanted to say no. He didn't want to see Lucas after the position he saw him and Isadora in together, he didn't want explanations.

Riley's posture tensed, "you know, just in case." Farkle raised an eyebrow. _Just in case what?_

"Anything you need."

 **Author's Note:** Next chapters are hopefully better, this one was very hard for me to write. Special shout outs to my PTSD and constantly tense/being freaked out making it nearly impossible to get anything done. Going to rework meds with my dr soon, wish me good luck guys! Even though this was mediocre as hell, read  & review please. I love predictions and comments and suggestions 3 Thanks for yalls patience.


	16. Chapter 16

When Lucas looked into the wall of windows and saw Zay's face, that's when he realized how magnificently he had screwed up. Zay had sent yellow tank top away and was just staring wide-eyed out at Lucas. His face was twisted up in something that looked like offense. Isadora walked in, her face was blank. The music was too loud, she leaned in to Zay and said something in his ear and started walking and Zay shouts something at her. She stops and turns, they're talking; arguing maybe. She's wearing a cold, expressionless face. Zay keeps glancing out the windows to Lucas. She smiles slightly and walks back to him, placing a kiss on his cheek or maybe the side of his mouth. Lucas can't tell. She starts walking quickly out the door, past Lucas. She glances back at him as if wanting to say something but refrains. He wants to apologize maybe, he doesn't know yet. She walks past quickly after her pause. Zay is only steps behind her, almost jogging. "Izzy!" He shouts after her to no avail. He stops at Lucas and takes several breaths like he's trying to choose his words carefully.

"You're my brother and I love you," Zay said as if to remind himself, "but you can't keep fucking over people that are trying to help you."

"I'm sorry." Lucas managed to get out. He was embarrassed, he wasn't exactly sure why yet but he knew that he had done the wrong thing and someone would eventually tell him why.

"There's a line, man." Zay managed to get out as he continued after Smackle. Lucas was miserable. He was ruining every single thing he touched. He had hurt Isadora and in doing so, somehow hurt Zay. He had hurt Riley and Farkle, which weren't his concern right now but all he could think about was how he could almost watch himself make mistake after mistake and not do a damn thing to stop. He walked himself in the bar and took drink after drink trying to forget the last few months. Before he could be blindingly drunk, he decided to walk home and so he did so see a disappointed Zay on the couch, reading. He didn't acknowledge Lucas stumbling in and when he tripped over his own feet, he didn't help him up. Instead he grabbed his coat and mumbled something before walking out.

Lucas was alone again, he went to his laundry room to find a bottle of whiskey, hidden out of view and began to drink. He was tired but even his dreams were exhausting and depressing. A reminder of what wasn't anymore.

* * *

"Hi Peaches," Riley said calmly over the phone, "I know that it was probably suggested that I stay the night with you or at my parents but to be really honest with you, I don't quite feel like it. SO" she emphasized, "if you'd like to have that talk now, you're welcome to come join me at home. I believe you know where Farkle lives, yes?"

"Okay this is ridiculous, can I talk to Farkle?" Maya said exasperated through the telephone.

"No actually you may not because whatever you have to say to him you can say to me and I don't feel like watching him get yelled at again." Riley spoke very formally and enunciated every word.

"I didn't yell." Maya sighed dismissively, "Fine, I'll be there in a bit." Riley clicked the phone off and turned to Farkle, "Now we wait," she said sighing. Farkle smiled awkwardly.

"What did she say to you?" Riley asked again, that gnawing question that hadn't left her head since the last phone call.

"Just… dumb shit." Farkle dismissed. "It's not important, she'll tell you about it."

Riley popped her hip out to one side and rested her hand on it. Her head slightly tilted.

"She thinks we should spend more time apart since…" He started and stopped mid-sentence. Riley raised an eyebrow.

"Since…?" She questioned.

"She thinks that I'm trying to make you like me: Robotic, unfeeling." He looked to Riley to gauge her reaction. Her face was that of clear disgust.

"She didn't say that to you." She said unbelieving. He nodded quietly. "Well then she didn't mean it." He shrugged dismissively, he was pretending it didn't matter but it was hurting him to remember.

"I mean I get it. She's trying to protect you. I'm a bad man. She thinks I'm playing the rebound angle. Apparently I'm a predatory asshole." Riley was turning red.

"I think that's the worst thing about the whole business with Lucas and Isadora. He saw us coming. Her body language suggested she was very ready to be kissed and that's wonderful, it's really great but his was unprepared, uncoordinated, unexpected. I have to believe Lucas wouldn't be capable of that kind of spite but... Isadora's not a rebound. She is better than that. She deserves better than that." Farkle spoke quickly like the words were spilling out of him without any forewarning.

Riley mumbled something that sounded like, "Never be sure of what anyone's capable of." which snapped Farkle out of whatever he was thinking at the moment. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground as she felt silly for wanting to kiss Farkle moments ago when he so clearly still cared for Smackle. She was the one being a predatory asshole without meaning to. There was a knock at the door before they heard it open.

"I knocked as warning to get decent." Maya announced, entering the apartment. "Oh good we're all clothed." She crashed onto the couch and shot Riley a small smile, "Hi sweetie." She said sweetly. "Farkle get out." Her tone changed back to something much sharper as she looked at Farkle. He began to leave, kicked out of the living room of his own house.

"Stop." Riley interjected. "Anything you can say to me, you can say with him here."

"O...kay." Maya said slowly. It was awkward enough to be in Farkle's home but speaking frankly was going to be a whole other beast. "We miss you. We want you to come home." Maya said softly. Riley gave her a skeptical look.

"We only ever lived together in college and we were terrible roommates, who is we anyways? You and Uncle Josh? What is it really?" Riley was annoyed beyond belief, her tone was sharp and uncaring. Maya was taken aback by it, she thought she could wrap her issues with Farkle in sentimentality and make it more palatable to Riley that way but she was finding that was not the case. "Tell me what you said to him," Riley snapped at Maya.

"Oh you wanna know what I said to Farkle, huh? Did you ask him? Am I wrong?" Maya spat back. They were raising their voices.

"I don't know, he wouldn't tell me all of it probably because he didn't want us doing this!" Riley shouted back. Farkle stood off to the side, he wondered if they remembered he was still in room because they were clearly speaking as if he wasn't.

"Suuuure that's why, not because he's trying to be the good guy and snake into your good graces and -"

"AND WHAT? Get in my pants? Is that what you're going to say? He's our friend Maya, where is this even coming from?"

"The whole broken up about being broken up thing was fine and dandy until you got involved. You are not one of his skanks, you and Lucas should be together right now and honestly, if it weren't for him you would be."

"God, would everyone stop with me and Lucas!? He's not who you all think he is and Farkle and his 'skanks'? These aren't even your words, I feel like I'm talking to Uncle Josh right now. I don't even know why I try to have a conversation with you right now."

"Yeah, why do I try? You'd obviously rather be comforted by Farkle right now." Maya shouted, glaring.

"Stop it." Riley lowered her voice and spoke through gritted teeth. "You have to get over whatever anger you have for Farkle, he didn't do anything to deserve it."

"You choose him over me, again and again." Maya said slowly. "Your longest relationship just ended, I don't want you shutting yourself off from feeling because it hurts."

"You're her best friend Maya," Farkle interrupted. "Nothing will change that. Nothing can."

"I don't need to be crying my heart out to be feeling, Peaches. A chapter of my life is over, I'm sad but a new one is starting. I'm excited. I'm bored of New York right now, I'm biding my time here. I'll come around more if you want but I'm feeling, alright? I need you to understand that. It's why I can't be around you and Uncle Josh for long, you two are so in love. Even when Lucas and I were together, it was never like that. We weren't crazy for one another. It wasn't recent, it just was never there. I'm scared I might never find that but I'm not worried, I'm gonna make a difference in the world. That's my top priority right now, not some guy who wouldn't follow me across the globe." She looked at Maya with tears in her eyes, hoping she'd understand. Maya took it all in, trying to process whether she was being told the truth or more excuses. She looked into Riley's eyes, not expecting to see honesty but was pleasantly surprised. A tear rolled down her cheek and Maya pulled her into a hug.

"We can tone it down, I don't want you ever to feel unwelcome. We love you." Maya said into Riley's hair, not being able to control the moisture welling up in her own eyes. Riley laughed through, "I don't expect that, you guys are stupid about one another. Always have been."

Maya sniffed while holding onto Riley. Farkle smiled in the background. Riley cleared her throat, "Maybe you wanna apologize to Farkle for being a bitch though."

"It's alright," Farkle reminded the two he was there again, "I still love you, I do like my women a little less judgy though," he chuckled a hollow laugh. Riley smiled at him, recognizing the sound. She mouthed the words _thank you_ , he nodded his head downward.

* * *

The sun wasn't even up before Farkle and Riley were on the subway headed towards what was formerly Riley's apartment. He could tell how tense she was, she was bouncing her foot up and down in the seat and when she stopped, she began repeatedly clicking a pen. It was driving Farkle crazy but he knew how much she didn't want to do this and how much willpower it was taking for her to be here.

As they approached the apartment complex, Farkle couldn't take the curiosity anymore. "So why am I here?"

"Would you believe me if I said moral support?" She asked, smiling awkwardly. He gave her a look of disbelief.

"Okay, in case things go badly. Can you just be out here and come in if you hear trouble?" Riley pled, hoping he wouldn't ask for more explanation. Farkle could hear the unspoken request in her tone and facial expression.

"Fine, sure." Farkle said, his jaw tightening at the visible discomfort she was in. She sighed deeply before using her key to let herself in. Lucas was splayed out on the couch. Seeing her, he straightened up.

"Riley." He slurred. "You're home." His eyes were barely open and the entire house was immaculately clean. Zay must have been taking care of things. He stumbled trying to get up onto his feet.

"Hey. I'm just here to grab some things. No need to get up." He frowned as he stopped struggling. She disappeared into a room and comes out with a couple of files. "Sorry to bother you."

"Wait, can you sit with me?" He was trying to speak and act as sober as possible. Riley couldn't really stand to look directly at him. She had lead in her stomach as she sat nearly a foot away from him on their now seeming to be too small couch. He touched her arm gingerly, like he would break her if she knew he was touching her. She flinched at it.

There was so much distance and silence between them that Riley couldn't help but think of their beginning. This was different though. This wasn't out of awkwardness or chastity. They genuinely lacked words for one another. She had nothing to say to him and he couldn't say anything he wanted to despite the liquor coursing through his veins. She couldn't take the silence anymore. "I have to pee." She lied as she rushed to the bathroom, accidentally slamming the door behind her.

"Hey!" Farkle let himself in to not see Riley in the room. He thought the slamming door was her calling him in, he was pretty on edge about the whole ordeal. Seeing Lucas glaring at him with bloodshot eyes on the couch was not what he expected.

"You have some fucking nerve coming here," Lucas slurred while charging towards Farkle. It was probably the annoyance of Lucas being plastered at the ass crack of dawn or maybe it was residual resentment from Lucas kissing Isadora but Farkle really was in no mood to entertain any of Lucas's aggression.

"Last I checked Riley's name is still on the lease," Farkle replied shortly after Lucas grabbed him by the collar. He smelled like a distillery. Farkle recalled all the stories he heard from Zay about how "annoyingly physical" Lucas got after drinking. Farkle had thought that had meant overly affectionate, something Zay really didn't appreciate but this made more sense. He remembered Riley's reluctance to face Lucas again. He remembered Riley's avoidance of alcohol when hanging with the gang. Her words rang out in his head: _You get hurt, you get smart. Never be sure of what anyone's capable of._ Slowly the pieces of the puzzle fell into place in Farkle's mind and formed a single, infuriating picture.

"Lucas," He said trying to remain calm, "You have 30 seconds- No, actually, you're my friend. You get a whole minute to get your hands off of me before-" He was interrupted by Lucas shaking him by the collar.

"Till what?!" Lucas shouted in his face. As much as Farkle wanted to make Lucas regret putting his hands on anyone, he knew that Lucas was impaired and there was a possibility he was jumping to conclusions.

"You feel in control like this? This make it hurt less? You throw Riley around like this too? Huh?"

"You stay out of our fucking business, if you could mind your own shit, we'd..."

"Lucas!" Riley shouted, coming out of the back room. She heard the commotion. She hadn't heard anything specific over the sound her quiet sobs in the bathroom. She hated being here, she hated seeing Lucas in the state he had been in. She hated that they had nothing to say to one another. She hated the sight that greeted her when she came out too.

"What are you doing?!" She yelled at Lucas, tears were streaming her face again. She didn't realize she was crying again.

"I never hit her!" Lucas defended. "She broke my nose." Farkle looked toward her for confirmation. She looked down in shame. "Lucas." Her voice was shaky and uncertain, "Stop."

Farkle knew how she fought. Everything about the way she moved was defensive, not offensive. He had trouble taking Lucas's angry slurring words seriously. "Okay. Let go of me. I'm not asking again." Farkle was having difficulty maintaining his own composure as Lucas shouted in his face. Lucas drew a fist up to hit Farkle in the face but Farkle threw a punch before Lucas could move. He knocked the wind out of him as he doubled over in pain.

"So this why you were so eager to leave? Moved right in with him didn't you? The long distance thing was just an excuse-" Lucas gasped, out of breath.

"What the fuck are you even on about? Look at yourself! I wasn't the only one fucking up, okay!? The hidden bottles, the expectation of me getting up and moving for you, the lack of physical connection or trust. It's not my job to keep you sober or fed or unstressed. I have my own life. You talk about distance like it was the only thing that broke us apart but when was your entrance interview?! It was this week wasn't it? You're not in Texas. I honestly kept thinking we could get through anything but being with you got so goddamn lonely Lucas. I don't regret moving in with a _friend,"_ She enunciated the words angrily, tears streaming her face.

"Riley…" Lucas started to get up, only to fall back down. His tone had softened, apologetic almost.

"No, I'm tired of being told what's expected of me or how I'm feeling or what I'm doing. You offered us a break and I saw an opportunity to separate what were my own feelings of unhappiness and which ones related to our relationship. I'm not the bad guy for taking it." She walked up to take Farkle's hand so they could leave.

Before she turned the front doorknob, she wiped her face. "You probably don't remember but you shoved me once before. You blacked out. Apologized all night till you fell asleep. I loved you so much I was sure it was gonna be the first and last time but I'd heard it a million times before counseling others. The "Oh he didn't mean it"s and the "I shouldn't have upset him," I never told anyone. I didn't care you drank on a bad day until every day was somehow a bad day. You're lucky I only broke your nose. Stay away from Smackle, Lucas. Stay away from everyone until you get your shit together."

Farkle looked disgusted as he glanced back at Lucas while leaving. He looked as if he wanted to say something but was quickly being dragged out by Riley and did not want to stop a woman on a mission. He had no desire to stay a minute longer in that place and obviously neither did she. The minute they were outside of the apartment building, she sighed big and smiled. Tears still smeared her face despite her wiping.

"This is gonna sound really weird but can we go to a field and just scream?" Farkle looked back at her relieved and scared at the same time and nodded.

"On the way back can we talk about some of the stuff that just happened?" He asked reluctantly. She looked towards him and while returning that same relieved and reluctant look, nodded. Arm in arm, they began walking towards the subway.

* * *

 **Author's Note/PSA** : I was really nervous about posting this one. This has been planned for a while now, and no one in this story is meant to be a bad person. This story is close to my heart because of how personal the experiences I'm drawing from are so please keep the hate to a minimum. In young adulthood it's very easy to slip into destructive habits. I wanted to show the different avenues a person can turn to me to numb feelings of inadequacies. Riley's drawn to them, she's supposed to be. I promise it gets better though, just hang with me. As always, thanks for reading and R&R please. Much love!


	17. Chapter 17

Riley's hair flowed downwards thanks to gravity and she could feel the blood rush to her head as she looked next to her to see an upside down Farkle. This park was the last place she thought sadness could find her.

"You know, it started out kind of rocky but it really is a delightful day." Riley managed to chirp. She was out of breath for some reason and she could see Farkle raise an upside down eyebrow at her.

"You know why we don't do this anymore?" Farkle said pulling himself up right side up using his legs.

"Why?" Riley asked doing the same. Her hair was fluffed up and outwards and her cheeks were flushed. Farkle looked towards her and saw her grin that didn't quite reach her eyes. He smirked back to her in a similar fashion.

"Because blood is not supposed to flow that way." He said, picking off some of the hair that was matted to her glossy lips.

"Upside down and in showers are the best thinking spots." She smiled at his touching her face.

"No one's saying that they aren't, but I asked you a question and you climbed the monkey bars and told me I couldn't get you. That is some classic avoidance, Matthews."

"You sound like a real tough guy when you call me that, Minkus." She scrunched her nose at him. She still had not answered the question.

"Riley." Farkle said urgently. She sighed with annoyance. She had vented for the past two hours about all of the isolation she'd been feeling the past couple of years and all the problems with her and Lucas's relationship. She had felt so much better despite the fact that tears streamed her face most of the time she was explaining. Farkle listened, occasionally he'd squeeze her shoulder or wipe a stray tear away but when she finally let silence settle between them long enough for Farkle to think she was done, he had asked the question.

"When are you telling them?" Them was all inclusive. It was her family, it was her friends, it was every person that was hassling her about her decision to take a break from her and Lucas. She admitted it would be easier for them to know some of the other things at play in their breakup but she couldn't. She wasn't ready. Hell, she wasn't even ready to tell Farkle, he had just been conveniently there at the time. Secretly it had been killing her and it was one of the reasons she had brought him along. Just in case…

She gave him a pained look. "I'm not ready."

"There's a month before you leave the country, you're never going to be ready. They're never going to stop asking you about it, don't you think they deserve to know what's going on with you? Avoiding them has been hurtful to everyone." His expression softened, "He keeps you isolated like this."

"You think I don't know that? I might not love Lucas anymore but I still care for him deeply. He's not a bad man, he needs help. Once everyone knows, that's it for him. I can forgive him, I don't think everyone else can."

"You wanna forgive him? Oh that's… so great." Farkle said sarcastically.

"You know him Farkle, you guys used to be best friends. He's not going to ask for help. We have to talk to Zay."

"Zay's gonna help us? Look I don't think he's exactly going to be jumping at the opportunity Riley." She squinted in that deciphering way while the gears turned. She didn't get it. It didn't matter. Zay was the only person that she knew that cared about Lucas as much as she did and she would tell him as much or as little as much as necessary to get Lucas some help.

She sent out a text and waited for a reply while turning to Farkle, "Should we go home?"

"Let's get ice cream." Farkle said, taking her hand. Farkle led the way, Riley smiled as she followed his lead only a step behind him.

* * *

"Wife!" Joshua shouted angrily, holding in his hand a giant mass of wet blonde hair.

"Yes lover?" Maya grinned with charcoal smeared on her nose and cheeks and forehead. Her hands were almost completely black and her hair was thrown carelessly in a messy knot atop her head. She moved her body to shield the pad in her hands from his view.

When Josh saw her, he almost forgot about the nasty ball of hair in his hand. He fought a smile from the smears on her face.

"Did your face itch?" He asked swallowing his lips to stifle the laughter rising in him.

"Yes! How'd you know?" She asked, amazed. With his other hand, he wiped a smudge from her nose. He smiled, she pouted momentarily. "Whatchu got there?"

"I love your flowing golden tresses, I really do. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with Rupenzel, it's a dream come true."

Maya smiled, "Aww you…"

"But I find hair everywhere. On me. On the couches. At the office, which I'm not even sure how you manage that one but… EVERYWHERE."

"Uh huh?" She asked, squinting trying to see his point.

"I have to snake the drain twice a week. It's ridiculous." She raised her eyebrows at him challengingly. She grabbed a pair of nearby scissors and held them up threateningly. She lifted the messy top knot up off of her head with her other hand and asked, "And what would you like for me to do, Boing?"

"Nothing, nothing!" He said backing away from her slowly. He didn't like to admit it but he loved when she got this way; fiery, passionate, impulsive. Her bright blue eyes always shone with the fiery spirit he fell in love with. He knew she was way too attached to her hair to do any real damage but played along cautiously, after all they had all heard the story of his sister-in-law lopping off her iconic flowing tresses to prove a point. He wouldn't put it past Maya to do the same.

"Hey," he said, in a much softer tone. "I love you." He smiled sheepishly at her. She lowered her scissors and smiled back at him. "Aww ya saying that cuz you're afraid of me?"

"Nah." He said calmly, he got very close to her. "Saying it because I like reminding you." She kissed him and said, "I guess I can unclog the drain every so often." begrudgingly. She took her blackened hands and smeared lines across his cheeks and grinned big.

"Falling in love with you was the best decision I ever made." Maya smiled softly at Josh as his eyebrows furrow.

"Decision huh?" He weighed her words carefully.

"Yep," she said popping the p as she continued to smudge his face in no discernible pattern.

"Nu uh." He argued. "First you did the love at sight thing, then I did the long game thing, then we did the star-crossed lovers thing now we're doing the husband-wife thing. Next we do the…"

Maya raised an eyebrow at him as his voice trailed off. "Next we do the?"

"I've done the thing where I've said too much, haven't I?" He fumbled as she nodded back at him.

"Next we do the parent thing…?" he asked quietly.

"Joshua," she grinned even though her voice sounded like she was scolding. He noticed every time she used his full name he felt like he was in trouble and it was a little bit thrilling. "You want children. Now?" she asked incredulously.

"Tiny blonde tornadoes. Just a ton of em, all through the house." Josh crookedly smiled at her.

"You don't like having sex anywhere in the house and going out whenever we choose?"

"I love that but let's be honest, we really don't go out that often and you loved babysitting when you were younger."

"Yeah, you know what's the best part about babysitting though? Giving the lil nightmares back to their folks and going home to sleep restful, uninterrupted sleep." She joked but Josh was frowning, they had talked about kids a few times before but he never felt like she took those conversations seriously. When she noticed his face, her tone got more serious.

"Why a ton of blondes? I just want one miniature version of you. That'll be enough for me. Or a puppy. For some reason, either works." She shrugged.

"That's… concerning but okay, maybe you're right? Maybe now's not the time."

"Wanna see how we feel about it after Paris?" Maya asked.

"Yeah. After Paris." Josh smiled in return. He often forgot that he had this amazing paid-for trip to an amazing place with the love of his life.

"What's after Paris?" Farkle asked, barging through the door pulling Riley behind him.

"Do not ask, you do not want to know." Riley pouted behind him.

"You don't even know what we're talking about." Josh argued.

"One can assume, Uncle Josh." Riley declared. Maya raised her eyebrows at Riley and looked hard at her and Farkle's hands, still linked together.

"You know what they say about assuming, sweetie." Riley narrowed her eyes at her, dropping Farkle's hand.

"You know what else they say something about? Ringing a doorbell. Announcing your arrival, calling before you just drop in." Josh huffed. Riley threw a hand to her chest, feigning offense.

"I have to CALL to see my family? What kind of ass backwards world am I living in?!" She shouted theatrically, making Maya laugh as she hugged her.

"Hello I would like some ice cream please." Riley said shortly after letting Maya go, to Farkle.

"Maya, may we all sit down with some ice cream and also we know Josh, the rings and all." He said after glancing over at Josh's coal smudged face. Maya choked back a giggle before resuming a serious face.

"What makes you think we have ice cream? Why are you here for ice cream?" She quickly tried to change the subject but Josh was furrowing his eyebrows in that way he did when he thought too hard.

"Wife?" Josh asked.

"Yes?" She used her sweetest voice.

"What's on my face?" Maya grinned big.

"Oh that? That's just some charcoal, it's safe for skin. Some people make masks out of it. Good stuff." Josh looked over to Riley who was trying her best to bite back a smile.

"What's it say?" He asked, unamused.

"I belong to Maya." Riley read his face before laughing out loud. _Okay, that's not that bad._ He thought to himself but he knew his wife and the look on Farkle's face when Riley read it aloud that that couldn't be all of it.

"Maya?" Josh asked, angrier this time.

"Yes baby?" She asked, trying her best to maintain a serious face.

"There's at least one dick on my face isn't there? And we have 14 different kinds of ice cream in our home because we are responsible adults." He said walking up to mirror. He had guessed right before he could fuss anymore Maya was showing Farkle the way to "Ice cream freezer because [we] had the room for a wine fridge but this is WAY better."

The three quickly returned with two bowls and a cone of ice cream. Maya, of course, had the cone and she sat across from her pouting husband who was still cleaning dirt off of his face. Maya licked the cone provocatively while making eyes at Josh who was staring daggers at her. It was slow and deliberate and sometimes he'd find himself more focused on her lips and tongue than being mad at her. Riley was cuddled up next to Farkle talking about something, occasionally she would look over to her best friend and uncle and would watch, mortified. It was never long though, too awkward to keep watching. She would glance back every now and then to study Maya. She had come to terms that it was one of the characteristics delegated to Maya and not her. Sexy, beautiful, intriguing, whatever. Those were things Maya was called, never Riley.

She was okay with that. She had gladly accepted the role of 'cute friend' very early in life. Cute. It was a good thing to be, she supposed. Bunnies are cute. People liked bunnies well enough. When she wasn't watching Maya be cringingly hot, _how does she do that anyways?,_ she would look to Farkle to see if he was watching Maya too. He never was. He was looking off into the distance, he was either thinking very hard about something or was asleep with his eyes open. Riley scooched in closer, not caring which of the two it was. Without speaking, half way through their bowl of ice creams they switched bowls which caught Josh's attention. After Maya had finished her cone, Josh finally had enough leftover focus to overhear parts of Riley and Farkle's conversation.

"Not that I don't love this but I thought we were going to an actual place to get ice cream."

"You promised Maya you'd be around more. I'm just helping you keep that promise. You can't get mad at me that. Besides, there's ice cream here and we are poor." Farkle said to her, touching the tip of her nose. She scrunched it when he did.

"How are we poor? I work and you're a Minkus."

"We're poor because I'm an actor and you don't pay rent. I don't take jack shit from my father Riley, you know that." He furrowed his brows.

"Dammit Farkle, you were my last hope at marrying rich." She theatrically took a hand to her forehead, a la damsel in distress. He chuckled at her and shoved a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to shut her up. She smiled idiotically at him with a face full of ice cream. Josh squinted at them, confounded. Their dynamic didn't make any sense to him. He glanced at his wife for some kind of clarification, she sat their watching them wide-eyed.

She excused herself to the kitchen and Josh followed closely behind her. Riley and Farkle did not even notice.

"Well." Josh stated to Maya whose eyes were still wide in realization and shock.

"Wow." Maya sighed.

"Do they seem….?"

"One longing look away from banging on our couch? Yeah."

"Okay while that was decisively eloquent, that's still my niece so could you maybe tone it down some?" Josh frowned.

"We gotta do something."

"Maya…" Josh scolded, "We need to not meddle."

"Joshua," She clarified in the same scolding tone, "It's not meddling if I'm fixing it."

"No." He said sterner this time. He didn't know much about Riley's life right now but he knew she was struggling and her life was something of a mess right now.

"Okay but… have you met me?" Maya smirked. Josh knew she was right, she was going to intervene whether anyone let her or not. It was one of the many things he loved about her. He looked at her face and knew the gears were already in motion. Maya was determined to fix something and fix it, she would.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry about the late update: Let's see if Maya needs to intervene and what Zay's reaction to the entire situation is! This chapter isn't very good and it was very difficult to write happiness when I feel so blah but hopefully this is good enough for y'all. Read & review please :) Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

"Maya. No." Josh tried one last time to coax her out of mischief mode but the plotting had already begun.

"So how are we going to do this…." She thought aloud.

" _We_ are not doing anything." Josh corrected.

"Till death do us part, you signed up for this Boing." Her blue eyes shone as she challenged him. Every day she found new ways to exasperate him and it was one of the many things he loved about her. He liked being her partner in crime, between her and his job he was sure years were shaved off his life though. As much as he loved being her co-conspirator, he had to also think of his niece. She had seemed so lost before today, Riley seemed like she was healing though. The last thing she needed was to be pushed into something. Surely Maya would understand this, it's in Riley's best interest if things were taken slow.

"Maya," Josh said seriously. "Do you know what I see when I see those two?" She shrugged.

"Two dopes that are grieving and healing and don't realize they care for one another, is the tension palpable? Sure. But Riley's gotta figure this out for herself. The last thing she needs is to find herself in another relationship before she's ready. Besides, we're not sure her and Lucas won't work things out." Maya sighed at Josh making sense. She wouldn't explicitly meddle then. Riley would figure it out. Maya might nudge her a little but Josh never said anything about nudging. As if reading her mind, Josh told his wife, "I want no shenanigans from you."

"No shenanigans." Maya reassured.

"And tomfoolery?" Josh tried to cover all his bases.

"No tomfoolery." Maya nodded.

"Or antics, monkey business, or mischief." She nodded slowly agreeing falsely to not intervene.

"None of that," she lied.

Josh saw his wife nodding and knew nothing he was saying was going to defer her. It was alright, he had plans of his own.

"Riley!" He shouted. Maya glared at him as she whispered angrily to him, "What are you doing?"

"Making sure you don't fix anything. Things need to take their natural course." He answered back in hushed yelling.

"Yeah?" Riley showed up with Farkle shortly behind her. Maya's eyes pleaded at her husband as she looked at him and back to Josh. _Look at him, he's a freakin puppy._ It was no use.

"Niece, I love you but get out of my house right now." Josh said to Riley who stood listening in confusion. "I don't really have a good excuse except you were interrupting stuff when you showed up." Riley's eyebrows scrunched in anger.

"Unbelievable," she huffed. She looked to Maya, "You're taking me out this week to make up for this unnecessary rudeness."

"ACTUALLY," Maya grinned, seizing the opportunity, "when are you free?" Josh groaned out loud.

"Whenever, you know me. Good ol homebody." Riley smiled at Maya despite being slightly scared of the grin she was giving her.

"Well, I never get taken out so dinner this week?" Josh made an offended face at Maya's claim. Riley nodded excitedly at Maya's offer.

"I never get taken out either so dinner." Farkle looked as if he'd been asked a question.

"What do I even keep you around for?" Maya laughed fakely to Josh trying to sell a lie that no one had begun to question. Josh sighed at her, exasperated. Why did he even try?

"I snake the drain." He sighed.

"What do I keep you around for?" Riley asked Farkle. He raised an eyebrow and answered questioningly, "I snake the drain?"

"You _wish_ you snaked my drain, babe." Riley laughed. Farkle's cheeks flushed despite his protests. She walked towards Maya to hug her goodbye before leaving and as the two left, Maya shouted behind them, "Wear something slinky!"

As they walked home, Farkle bumped Riley and said "You know she's setting you up with someone?"

"Yeah, I kind of figured. She just wants me to feel better, I'm thankful I guess."

"Why? Are you having trouble meeting people?" Farkle gently probed if she was seeing people yet.

"I haven't really been trying. Clive from the bar has been trying to set me up with his son." She laughed. Farkle laughed with relief. He didn't know if she was ready to date yet. He knew he wasn't.

"I've met him, he's a good man." Farkle approved in his own way. Riley shook her head, "Nah, if his son's anything like him, just… not my type I don't think."

"What is your type?" Farkle asked. Riley took a deep breath in and shrugged. They stopped walking.

"Well, you're a single person now so it might do you some good to think about." The rest of the walk was silent. When they got home, Farkle went to his room and laid down. He didn't know why today had been so exhausting but it wasn't even dinner time and he was ready to pass out.

"Zay's coming over later." Riley said as she entered the room and plopping onto the bed next to him. She lifted her head and then dropped it again next to Farkle's shoulder. He knowingly pushed her head onto his chest. They both smiled.

"You excited about your date?" Farkle asked. She lifted her chin onto his chest, looking up at him. She studied his face.

"Should I be?" She asked, slightly peeved. He shrugged slightly.

"Well, I don't know if I want to go."

"You should." He said, unfeeling.

"Well, I guess I should." She agreed still partially annoyed.

"I mean, Maya obviously knows your taste in men." He said to himself. Was that a joke? Riley glared at him.

"Yeah, obviously she does…" She repeated after him slowly making sure he knew how stupid he sounded.

"Wear something slinky," He repeated Maya's suggestion supportively.

"I will. In fact, I'm gonna call Maya and tell her I'm good tomorrow night." She said, determined.

"Oh. That's... so soon." Farkle managed. He was taken aback. It's not that he wasn't detecting her offended tone, he just didn't know which part ticked her off. He couldn't resolve a non-existent conflict.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go find something slutty to wear. You wanna help?" She asked argumentatively.

"Would love to," He said out of spite. He didn't know why he was feeling anger but he'd go with it. He had to figure it out after all. She stomped to her bedroom and pulled her clothes off, door still ajar and pulled on a black knee-length strappy dress. She walked out to his room.

"What do you think? Enough skin?" She asked angrily. The straps to her bra peeked from the straps of the dress. There were lines from where her pants sat on her skin.

"Not nearly enough." He spat at her, not sure why they were speaking to one another like this. She stomped away and came back in a short purple dress that he thought he remembered Riley wear in high school with two layers underneath. She had grown since then, it was even shorter now. He was pretty sure it would be considered lingerie if she ever wore it out.

"Too modest?" She asked, still borderline shouting.

"Downright matronly." He mimicked her tone. She pulled the dress off before stomping away this time.

"How about this?" She asked, standing with her hands on her hips. Farkle glanced toward her before catching a glimpse of her in black panties and matching bra.

"Jesus fu- Riley! Clothes!" He said, snapping his head away from her instantly.

"Maybe I should just go naked." She exclaimed dramatically.

"I don't understand." He huffed clearly frazzled. She pulled the purple dress over her head again.

"I'm dressed Farkle, you can look." She sighed, feeling silly.

"I don't understand." He repeated. She didn't understand either. She didn't understand why Maya's suggestion to wear something sexy to a date she was being tricked into going on bothered her so much. She didn't understand why Farkle being so supportive of it all was so upsetting. She didn't understand why Farkle's jab at her romantic past hurt so bad. Tears threatened her eyes again as she struggled to comprehend what was happening. Farkle's eyes were fixed on hers and he shared the same confused look of hurt.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to wear to disgust someone the least amount."

"What are you talking about?" Farkle asked trying to keep his eyes from glazing over her frame over and over. She wiped a stray tear from her face as they heard the door open.

"Oh I think I remember this place," a familiar voice mused.

"Zay!" Riley shouted excitedly, running to him. She gave him a hug. As she stepped away Zay gave her a good look.

"Damn girl," He laughed. "That is a good dress." Riley smiled a hollow smile as she sat down.

"We gotta talk." She sighed. Zay saw her very serious face and stopped smiling.

"Yeah, I think we do. Before anything though, how do you know when you're in love?" He asked, with baited breath. Before looking at Riley's face he added, "Not you Farkle, no one is asking you. I do not care what you think at all.

"You guys cannot still be fighting. Just kiss and make up already!"

"I ain't kissing that!" They both shouted.

"And Isaiah Hank Babineux, are you off the market? You know if I were more broken up about what Lucas did, you and I would be hooking up." She teased.

"Still not my name and girl, let's not minimize the gravity of what Lucas did. Wait, what'd he do?" He flirted confusedly.

"Um. Well." Riley paused. She took a deep breath before beginning again. "I think he might have a drinking problem, like a real one."

"It would explain some things but he's just having a tough time with the separation," Zay reasoned. Addictions were diseases, some part of him always believed that diseases happened to other people; bad people or people that somehow deserved it.

"Zay," She said somberly, "It was bad before the breakup. It's only gotten worse. It's affecting every part of his life." Zay weighed her words. There were tears in her eyes. This was real. It was bad.

"He hurt her." Farkle piped in angrily, "He needs help from professionals." Zay shook his head in disbelief. At first he refused to believe Lucas would ever hurt anyone but the more he thought about it, the less like himself Lucas had seemed lately.

"Are you- are you okay?" Zay asked, reluctantly. He felt scared and responsible for Lucas. Unreasonably so.

"She broke his nose." Farkle said proudly. Zay smiled at that though you could see he was still concerned.

"Farkle!" She scolded. "Attagirl" Zay mumbled under his breath.

"Will you help him?" Riley asked, eyes shining all hopeful like. Always got Zay, every time. He could never tell that girl no.

"An intervention? Okay. We can put something together." Zay said to her before Farkle interrupted.

"Okay now his thing!" He shouted. Zay dismissed Farkle's outburst with a smile towards Riley.

"Really though reconsider that hooking up thing. We could have it all. White picket fence, big bunch of brown-eyed babies." He flirted with her nonchalantly. It was like breathing to him and no one was immune. Riley giggled in a way that Farkle had not heard before that made him something in him shift.

"You sure she's the one you wanna have beautiful brown-eyed babies with?" Farkle piped up. Zay shot him a glare.

"Dude!" Zay got up, offended. Riley stood confused between the two. "It's suddenly very crowded here, Riley did you wanna continue this conversation somewhere that's say not here?"

Riley looked at Farkle who was feeling no remorse for upsetting Zay with whatever he said to him and nodded. Something with the entire day being focused in and around Lucas and getting him help despite him treating Riley so badly had awakened something in him. Something mean. He didn't see it but Riley and Zay did. It was minor but neither of them wanted to stick around and bear the brunt of it.

He was surprised, unpleasantly so, she decided to leave with Zay in her short purple cocktail dress in the freezing cold. Hours passed and morning came but sleep never did for Farkle. He stayed up waiting, wondering what exactly was the matter with him. He went about his day as normal, trying not to wonder where Riley spent the night and if she was going to come back. He tried to act as cool and nonchalant as possible. Mid-day, he sent her a text.

 **You coming home? I'm sorry.** She replied fairly soon.

 **around dinner. gotta change for tonight.**

 **Oh? Big night planned?**

 **maya's setting me up. having dinner with someone from her work.** _An artist,_ Farkle scoffed. _Those guys are the worst. Maya's the worst for this. She's not ready. I should be supportive though. She probably needs the encouragement._

 **Cool. Gonna wear your LBD and knock the wind out of him?**

 **i know its a hard concept for you and her but someone might be interested in me even if i don't make myself into some model wannabe barely dressed shell of myself.**

 **That's not what I meant. You are smart and beautiful and capable and don't need to bare your body to interest anyone. It's not what Maya meant either, I'm sure she just wanted you to experience the full being-single experience. I apologize if I inferred otherwise.**

 **i'll see you at home tonight.**

Farkle could practically hear Riley's sassy lecturing voice. He went home. Not to wait for her or anything, just because he suddenly got very tired. She returned an hour before dinnertime, still wearing that little purple dress that could possibly be lingerie. She walked in and passed right by Farkle on the couch without saying a word to him. She went straight to the bathroom. Farkle could hear the shower then the blow dryer and then a series of curses from the bathroom. He wasn't going to go to check on her.

"I'm fine!" She shouted from the bathroom, as if reading his mind. She came out 45 minutes later; hair curled, night out makeup done wearing a black dress with a deep v neck and see through flutter sleeves. She wore peep toed pumps that accentuated her already long legs.

"Whoa." Farkle said. Riley smiled sarcastically at him.

"Yes, I can be slightly attractive if I try hard enough." She sighed.

"That's… not it. I just thought you weren't gonna go the little black dress direction with tonight." Riley's words finally registered in his head. "Wait, is that what you think? That you're not attractive?"

"This isn't really attractive though is it? It's just… sexual. I guess. It's date appropriate, society approved." She shrugged.

"Then why are you doing it?" Farkle looked at her seriously. She didn't look nervous or excited. She was made-up and apathetic. This wasn't the Riley that he knew.

"I don't know Farkle. I don't know what I'm doing but I deserve romance or affection or attention of some type…" Her voice trailed off. She was looking for distraction. Farkle knew that feeling all too well.

"Oh." He managed. "Well, have a nice time." Riley smiled honestly this time but it was small and she hid something.

"Thanks," she said, putting on her coat overtop. "Don't wait up for me," She joked.

"It's Saturday night Riley." Farkle rebutted.

With those words, she was gone. Despite Farkle's best attempts, he could not muster any strength or will to go out tonight. She had not accepted his apology. Her unsmiling face troubled him. Hours passed and he decided to try to go to sleep but to no avail. He decided to read, it calmed him. He sat on the living room couch and read page after page, glancing up to the door and the clock every time he turned the page. When he finished the book, he would start another. Three books, nine hours later and nearly a sunrise later he heard keys fumbling at the locks.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** You're going to have to be a little patient with the next few chapters. Big things happening soon! Hope you like a little not-so-conflicty complications ;) Thanks for reading, might be taking a short hiatus soon: have a mini vacay planned for two weeks so... we'll see. R &R please :)


	19. Chapter 19

"It's 3 AM." Farkle said sternly as Riley stumbled through the front door. Her curls had fell and her makeup was barely there anymore. _Normal wear,_ Farkle noted mentally. Her foundation was giving way around the corners of her mouth, she must have been smiling, frowning or talking all night...

"It's still dark," Riley clarified. She sighed and sat on the couch, trying to keep her small smile to herself. She could feel Farkle's gaze on her and it was burning. "Do you want coffee? I could use coffee." She said almost manically. She pranced into the kitchen and he followed her. She began working on the pot of coffee she wanted.

"You look like you had a good night." Farkle said, trying to joke. She nodded at him.

"Did you have a nice dinner?" She smiled and nodded some more.

"Did you do anything after dinner?" She nodded again. She was grinning wide now.

"Okay what?" Farkle asked annoyed, "You realize you're not actually saying anything, you're just standing here smiling." Her smile softened some as she raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're real curious." Her eyes were twinkling in that way Farkle loved to see. "Well, if you must know. His name's Jason. He's a crazy talented artist who is buff and beautiful and British." _British._ Farkle groaned internally.

"What was that?" Riley asked, offended. His internal groan had not been so internal.

"Oh. I just thought about a thing I needed to do later.." Farkle lied. Riley continued smiling.

"And he gave me flowers, which were beautiful, and he held my hand at one point, which was lovely." Farkle felt his stomach sinking as she continued on. "And he kissed me and I kissed him back and that was very important, I think." Farkle nodded now, looking her in the mouth instead of the eyes, watching her words form; each one a new blow. She poured two cups of coffee, unaffected.

"I think I get it now." Riley said knowingly. Farkle furrowed his eyebrows not understanding. "The desire to be with someone you don't really have an attachment to, just physical connection. It's nice. Easy." She said, almost shrugging. He had no sense of what his face was doing anymore. As an actor it was a disorienting feeling, not being aware of your physicality at each moment. He took a sip of much too hot coffee.

"Maya chose well for you then," Farkle said to her. "I'm happy for you." His tongue burned.

"No you're not," She corrected.

"No I'm not," he admitted, accidentally parroting the truth back.

"You wanna talk about it?" Riley asked. Farkle pretended to not know what she meant. "I called Maya, told her I'd let her know when I wanna be set up. She sounded like she expected it."

"I don't think you're ready to date again Riley. I was trying to be supportive because I want you to be happy."

"I know that. Maya does too."

"She does?" Farkle asked. Riley stopped stirring her mug to look up at him.

"I know Maya. She knows I'm still getting over everything but she sees something that she thinks she can help so she'll plot and scheme until she thinks she's succeeded. She thinks she's a mastermind, I usually just let her." She shrugged. She smiled earnestly at him, "She's not the first to prescribe to the 'best way to get over someone is to get under someone else' philosophy."

"And was it?" Farkle asked. Riley looked at him confused, not knowing what he meant. "The best way to get over someone?"

"Wouldn't know," She said, expecting relief to be the face Farkle was wearing at the moment. She looked at him and found that was not the case. He looked confused, she returned the look.

"Where were you?"

"Saturday night." She smiled. "Universal date night, watched the house so Auggie could take Ava out. Couldn't sleep though." She drummed her fingers nervously.

"How many cups of coffee have you had, Riley?"

"Objection. Relevance?" She said, trying to keep the drama out of her voice.

"Did you stay up all night watching Law & Order?" Farkle asked exasperated. She looked away, avoiding the question. "Why didn't you just come home? I was…"

"What?" She asked, too eager, before he could finish his sentence.

"Worried if you remembered to take your keys." He fumbled. He was an awful liar. She raised her eyebrows at him, calling him out.

"That's why you didn't go out?" Riley asked, helping him with his lie though she didn't know why.

"Exactly. Yes, that's why I didn't go out."

"Okay." She sighed. "Are you tired?"

She was still tapping her fingers on the kitchen counter. "Nah." He lied. "Wanna wait for the sun?"

Riley looked at his face closely. Puffy grey bags under his bloodshot eyes, his hair was disheveled and greasy. He'd ran his fingers through it one too many times, something he did when he was anxious.

"Come to bed with me." Riley said to him, taking the mug from his hand. It wasn't said in a suggestive way, it was a command. She took his hand and dragged him towards her bedroom.

"My room's over there." Farkle argued but it was mere formality. He was too tired to fight. Moreover, he was tired of fighting with her. She pushed him onto the bed and said, "Sleep."

"Not tired," He said, trying to talk over the yawn that was forming in his mouth. The bed smelled like her, like violets and sandalwood. She laid down next to him. She didn't cuddle up next to him like she normally did. He scooted closer to her and rested his chin on her head. Like a reflex, he breathed in. He recognized the smell, he didn't like it.

"Riley-" He thought of a sensitive way to ask. "Did you happen to pick up any new habits lately?"

"No," she lied, shifting her eyes from one side to another.

"Nothing fire or smoke inhalation related?" He asked trying not to sound judgy.

"Okay!" She shouted too close to his ear. Her guilty conscience had gotten the better of her, "I smoked. It was my first time and I did NOT care for it."

"It's extremely bad for your health, not to mention very gross."

"I know. I don't care." Riley sighed.

"Why?" He asked. She turned on her side to face him.

"It's bad for me. Everyone gets a post break-up downward spiral, right?"

"It's not mandatory you know."

"I know, I just wanted to feel something. You know how it is…" Her voice trailed off. He turned to face her.

"You went on a date." He reassured her, sounding almost proud. "You didn't feel anything?"

"I don't know if I can anymore. I keep thinking when I hold someone's hand or when I kiss someone, it'll come back but it's not there. What if I get on a plane and go somewhere incredible and feel nothing? What if I witness incredible things and never feel again?"

It was a natural fear. Farkle felt it himself, it was part of what drove him to better himself as an actor and make something of a career out of it. He had always played parts, his entire life. He could identify emotions, recognize them in others but for some reason he felt most of his young adulthood has been in a fog. It was one of the things he thought being in love fixed but he never felt clear with Isadora. He wanted to, so badly he wanted to feel the clarity he felt in Riley's presence and logically, he knew what that meant. What it had always meant. What he felt just as much, if not more was overwhelming fear of what these feelings meant. The possibility of losing his best friend to stupid unrequited feelings; feelings that he convinced himself if he ignored long enough would just disappear.

"Just having an experience isn't important. Who the experience is with is what matters. When you travel, I think you'll feel everything any place has to offer. Exhilarated, afraid, in awe; it'll all happen for you because you will be in the best company the world has to offer. You'll be with you." He looked in her eyes so she knew his sincerity but what he saw staring back at him he did not expect. Pupils dilated, cheeks flushed, eyes bright. He looked in her eyes, seeing something he couldn't identify. Silence hung between them for a while.

"I'm not good company, I'm very boring." She blinked back tears.

"Bullshit." He examined her face, inches from his. Her gaze was on him, unmoving.

"Sometimes I think about just walking away and never coming back. Maya has Josh, my parents have one another and Auggie and Ava. Lucas has Zay and Isadora. Who'd even notice me gone?" Tears rolled down her face.

Farkle mumbled something to himself. Something that sounded an awful lot like, "Fuck it," before closing the distance between them. When their lips met, Riley knew that she should have been more careful for what she wished for. Within that instant she felt everything she expected to on her date. Giddy and lustful and thrilled. What started out as a forceful 'shut up' turned into a string of hungry 'I love you's' on the others mouth. She shocked him when she slipped her tongue in his mouth and her fingers made their way through his hair, already tousled from his worrying. He pulled away minutes later when he heard a soft moan against his lips and the realization that he was kissing his best friend dawned on him.

"I'm sorry," He said, gasping.

"You're sorry." She repeated, trying to making sense of his words. Her voice was small.

"I'm not trying to take advantage of you," He explained. He wanted to tell her that the urge to kiss her had just been too much to bear for too long. He wanted to say it wouldn't happen again but he couldn't make that promise. Every imagined scenario paled in comparison of the actual feeling of his lips on hers.

"No, I understand. It needed to be acknowledged. If Maya noticed it, we couldn't have been subtle." She said, still red from the kiss.

He tried to understand the implication, "What?"

"Farkle," She tried to sound as calm and nonchalant as possible, "It doesn't have to mean anything." It was a lie. It had been a lie since before her and Lucas even broke up. It was a lie when some awful part of her lit up when Farkle and Smackle took a break. The same part of her that felt responsible for the group breaking up. When Zay and Farkle became keen on the casual dating world, she distanced herself from him which led Maya to do the same. Some part of her knew that she was the glue keeping her friends together. His revolving door of girlfriends was hard to watch. It was the part of her that had so much fun interrupting his potential one night stands, the part of her that liked living with him too much.

"It doesn't." He repeated her lie to her. She kissed him like they weren't saying all the wrong things to one another. They kissed and briefly Farkle forgot the feeling that could only be likened to being punched in the stomach repeatedly. Their tongues danced.

"I want it to be you," she whispered onto his lips. Her hands slipped under his shirt. Fingertips grazing upwards from his abs, she was cool to his touch. Some solace to his pained chest. As they explored one another, they confirmed what they already knew. Their bodies moved together perfectly. With, against. Afterwards as they laid, falling asleep intertwined Farkle reflected on how such a beautiful, thoughtful, powerful woman had the capacity to wound like no one else he'd ever met and how he'd fucked plenty of times before but he'd never made love before this morning. Riley laid next to him, trying to find words. She had no frame of reference but being with Farkle was incredible, not just physically. There was something soul satisfying about it.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want," he said finally. He knew her reply was important but sleep was quickly becoming too powerful to avoid. She laid next to him in silence, he didn't pull her close like he did any other time they laid next to one another and Riley wondered if she had ruined the last truly good thing in her life.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Don't hate me you guys, I can't write smut. Stuff's happening! Important stuff, will clarify soon. So there's a scenario A and a scenario B that follows this scene. Each scenario has a separate timeline/alternate universe so it's up to you guys at this point. Like a choose your own adventure: do we (being Farkle and Riley) journey to find ourselves without one another or do we try to give this feelings thing a shot? I've got plans for Lucas and the gang so don't y'all worry about them. Leave your opinion in reviews or PM me if you hate what I'm doing! It's okay, you guys have time. Taking a short hiatus for vacation (or something like it.) I'm half tempted to write a chapter with each scenario and just post whichever one felt more right. Unsure. As always, thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

She woke to a slap in the face from the back of an arm. The sun had been up for hours and birds were chirping. She had the first good night's rest that she'd had in a long while. She was happy. Farkle was asleep next to her, half covered and spread across the entire bed. His leg was draped over hers and his arm was overtop of her body. He slept with his mouth open and a river of drool connecting him to his pillow. Riley looked over at him and tried not to smile. He was adorable and awful at sharing a bed. She reached over him to look at her phone: the only clock in the room. 15 new text messages. It was noon. She didn't want to wake him but he probably had stuff to do. She didn't read any of the messages. They were all Maya, she could guess the general gist of what she said. She was making the case for Jacob or Jason or whatever his name was. It wasn't that he wasn't nice, he was. He checked all the boxes but- she didn't want to repeat it to herself. _God Riley you are such a cliche,_ she thought to herself as she looked at her stupidly peaceful Farkle. _What was he? Best friend? Maya would have a cow. Not boyfriend. Lover as of this morning…. No._ The cynicism made its ugly arrival. That's the thing about a relationship going sour, it completely colors your world view. No longer was she the naive, optimistic young girl she used to be. She was a toughened, strong woman. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing but it did lead to a certain amount of dishonesty. This dishonesty was partially to blame for last night. Her date went well, she smiled all throughout and afterwards. She read somewhere that if you laugh or smile enough you could trick your body into thinking you were happy. Years of her life proved that was complete bologna.

"Riley." He mumbled in his sleep. She raised an eyebrow at him. Of course he was completely cognizant in his sleep, this was Farkle after all.

"Yes?" She asked unsure if he could hear her.

"Stay." He sighed, pulling her close.

"Yesterday was nice." She said with baited breath. He opened his eyes barely.

"You had a nice date." He whispered and smiled. She frowned.

"You're joking." Riley said.

"Yes." He laughed. His voice was raspy and his laugh was deep.

"Are you okay?" Farkle raised an eyebrow at her, she was concerned about his emotional wellbeing? That seemed laughable.

"Uh huh." he replied, dozing off again. By the brief words they exchanged it seemed as if nothing had changed between the two and Riley didn't know if that disappointed her or not. She was partially relieved. It almost didn't feel like they woke up next to one with nothing but a sheet between them. They were holding one another, it was right. But for Riley, the feeling of being another one of Farkle's conquests was unshakeable. She knew his reputation was a recent thing and that he was a good man, just one that had closed himself off to love. She wasn't an idiot, she recognized Farkle's behavior as protectiveness and jealousy but friends get jealous too right? It didn't mean he felt any more attachment for her than he did for Maya. It was stupidity for her to think that a shared night would change anything between them, in any way at all. She knew one thing though, surrendering to your feelings leaves you feeling vulnerable and at the mercy of another and as much as she trusted Farkle, she couldn't pretend to not notice the way he was around women. Riley Matthews did not bend to any man's will. It was idiotic how calm she felt when he was around or how happy she woke up as if she hadn't complicated one of her dearest friendships. She slinked out of his grip and went to take a shower. She got dressed and slipped out undetected and called Maya back while on her way back to her parents' home.

"Hey Peaches," She used her chirpiest phone, "You rang?"

"Did you get any of my messages? Jason's been all weird morning, what'd you do last night?"

"Nothing, I told you about it yesterday." Riley said exasperated.

"He said you were talking on the phone with some guy at the end of your date that you didn't even let him drop you off at home, super sketch Riles."

"Auggie wanted me to watch the house while he took Ava out, I wasn't gonna have a stranger drive uptown to my parents house."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"And you didn't tell him that because….?" Maya cross-examined.

"It's none of his business?" Riley grew more and more annoyed with each question. They had nearly the same conversation the night before.

"Did you happen to have any company at your parents house?" Maya teased.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Maya had the feeling that more happened last night than Riley let on because some feeling woke Maya at 4am. She didn't know what it was exactly but she knew it was Riley related. "Ring senses."

"Wedding rings are supposed to override those," Riley joked. She knew how annoyed her uncle got with their friendship though it clearly was supposed to take priority because of age and importance.

"Yeah yeah," Maya rolled her eyes.

"Peaches?" Riley had so much she wanted to say but didn't for fear of judgment.

"Yes honey?" She replied sweetly. She could tell her. She could tell Maya anything, she egged herself on. But it was a lie, the moment she uttered out loud what happened it would be real and while it was amazing, she'd rather pretend she wasn't an utterly hopeless mess.

"You know no matter where I go, I love you and you're my best friend, right?"

"...Yes?" Maya said, unsure. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I gotta go though. I'll see you around." Her parents were still out of town and Auggie and Ava sat at the dining room table, talking quietly to one another. Ava was giggling at something when Riley arrived.

"The ever elusive, Riley Matthews everyone!" Ava announced to no one in particular, as she went to go give her a hug.

"Hey," Riley smiled smally to the couple. Ava took her leave shortly after, leaving Auggie alone with his sister. Ever since Maya got married, Auggie and Riley had grown closer. As close as a big sister can get to a teenaged boy, but she was still his hero and he was the only person other than Farkle she felt truly free to open up to. He scrunched his face every time she insisted on kissing his cheek or hugging him but secretly he loved the affection and knew that it was a clear indicator of his sister's emotional state. She didn't hug him today, she just slumped onto the couch. Auggie frowned for a moment.

"You look like shit. You okay?" She shrugged and buried her face in a throw pillow.

"Finally did the Minkus kid, huh?" She nodded, face still in the pillow.

"Good to know I'm so transparent." She moped. She wasn't angry at anyone in particular, she just was upset she was so predictable.

"I don't think he's running game on you, by the way." Auggie answered a question she hadn't been thinking of.

"I didn't ask." She almost glared.

"Yeah you did," He put his arm around her. In a way, she did just not out loud. She didn't want to know Farkle's intentions. She was happy not thinking of the fact that she was one of the million women to end up in his bed.

"You've gotten so old and wise." Riley mused. It was true, he had grown into a thoughtful young man who occasionally had no filter (a possible side effect of Ava Morganstern.)

"You've gotten so old and… you." He play punched her shoulder. She laughed. "Just do us all a favor and don't do that thing where you freak out and the entire world is ending because things are changing."

"When have I ever done such a thing?" Riley deflected. Auggie looked at her, extra serious now.

"You're really alright?" Auggie reassured. She smiled big and nodded. She kissed the side of his face, much too loud and close to his ear. He hated that.

"In my ear!" He scolded and she just grinned big, pretending.

"Hey," she said a little more sincere this time, "I love you." Auggie furrowed his brows.

"I love you too?" He said back to her.

"Tell mom and dad that for me too, would ya?"

"As a future clinician, I feel obligated to ask, are you planning on hurting yourself or others?" She laughed his question off, "I am fine."

She made her way back home and Farkle was in the shower. _Thank God._ She had time. Should she leave a note? Did she need to move fast? She gathered her things quickly, knowing she was forgetting important things. She half-packed a suitcase and stuffed a duffel with clothes and toiletries when she heard the water stop. She grabbed her stuff and started toward the door. She wasn't moving terribly fast, she still wasn't completely convinced she was doing the right thing. In fact, she was sure she wasn't but she was going to do it anyway because it would probably hurt a lot less. She opened the front door almost the same moment Farkle came out in a towel. As she walked out the door, she glanced back to catch a glimpse of his expression: utter confusion mixed with hurt. He didn't go after her. She had an emergency fund for things like this. As her taxi arrived at the airport, she prayed her host family would be alright with her showing up more than a month early. Her two years away from home would start now.


	21. Chapter 21

Maya was livid. Rightfully so, how dare she leave without saying goodbye? Not even let her drop her off at the airport? A small part of Maya hoped the entire Peace Corps thing would just kind of go away as things worked themselves in Riley's life. But it seemed not. After a month, she got a tear stained letter from Riley about how she needed to feel needed and useful and that home wasn't the right place for that but how wonderful her host family was and how shockingly accommodating they were to her and how she secretly suspected it was because her sad was showing. She apologized profusely because she knew her family's offense at her leaving would all be directed towards her best friend. They were accountable for one another after all.

Maya could never stay mad at her, though Riley was right about her family being angry. It was so easy to write things down, Riley found. She wrote a lot of letters. Some were about her training, the food, the family she was staying with and some were just about missing Maya and Josh and mom and dad and Zay and Farkle. Farkle always came last and she wondered whether she should even include him. She thought it would be more suspicious if she didn't mention him at all though it was him she missed the most. Sometimes she wrote Farkle. She never sent those.

About six months in, she started video chatting with Maya as she insisted on emailing replies to Riley's letters. Riley obliged since she missed her best friend's face and she was making a trip into town anyways. She got the idea when she saw someone post their woman crush wednesday and she started pouting about how her wc was nowhere to be found. Josh tried correcting her about woman crushes but Maya just glared at him and proclaimed that she loved Riley more than him, a fact he had to be aware of.

After the first video chat it became a weekly thing, they would update each other with the happenings of their lives. She would tell Maya all about how cool it was teaching people about wellness and how impressed with her Spanish her host family was and how she had to wash her clothes using a giant rock (she laughed a lot telling that story) and Maya would tell her all about why she postponed the Paris trip, something she'd done twice already, or what Auggie said at their weekly family dinners or what everyone in the gang was up to. They actually spoke more when Riley was out of the country than when she was still in New York.

Riley had some semblance of an idea of what everyone was up to though. Maya had forwarded a letter to her from Texas. Lucas had put himself in a 12 step program to deal with his alcoholism. He was okay with calling it that thanks to Zay. He had sat him down very seriously several times practically begging him to stop and how he was hurting people and how he was hurting him. Lucas listened and felt bad but the next night there he was again, drunk. He missed the chance of a lifetime with that internship and missed the flight to see his Pappy. He hadn't really cared about it until one morning Zay woke him with the most somber of expressions. Lucas's dad called while Lucas was passed out drunk. He needed to go home, his Pappy Joe had passed away. Zay had wrestled with himself about telling him the next part but ultimately decided he needed to hear it. He didn't die peacefully, he was drifting in and out of lucidity while struggling to take his last breaths; confused and asking for Lucas. He had something to say to him and now we'll never know because Lucas had put the bottle before friends and family. Love of family and love of friends were the parts of Lucas that made him a good man and he wasn't a good man anymore. Zay decided to give him an ultimatum. Though after hearing all of that, he didn't need it. Either he got help or Zay wasn't going to be there for him anymore. Lucas sat and cried for loss of his Pappy, respect of his best friend, job he'd been dreaming of and woman he could have been better to. Zay put his arm around him and sat quietly while his friend wept.

In the letter, Lucas admitted to Riley his part in their failed relationship, taking responsibility and apologizing for letting her and everyone down so monumentally. With his new clear state of mind he sees the error in ever putting his hands on her and hopes their failures won't change the way she looks at love and life. He tells her how those things are the most beautiful parts of her and how he won't tell her he still loves her, though he does and wants what's best for her. He doesn't expect her to forgive him but hopes to one day be a good friend to her again.

"!" Maya let out an unintelligible scream when they got connected. This was the highlight of her week.

"Ow." Riley laughed as her voice boomed through the speaker. "Peaches!"

"Look at that beautiful sunshiney face! Que pasa senorita?" Maya spoke what spanish she remembered.

"Uh WELLLL," she drew out the word like Maya knew she did before a rant. "I almost ate guinea pig the other day which was traumatic and today we did a little mini lesson on prenatal care and this woman who is so so pregnant wanted to go to coffee with me after. I mean ready to pop Maya I was scared the entire time we were at the cafe her water would break, which I mean I'm equipped to handle but she was so nice and we were having such a nice conversation, I didn't want to end in that kind of chaos and I got invited to dinner at her house which is kind of exciting. Also one of the other volunteers asked me out so that was uh… cool, I guess." She exhaled hard after her spiel which was nearly one breath.

Maya furrowed her brows at the camera and said, "Well what?" She did this trick every week, pretending the internet cut out and that Riley would have to repeat everything she just said. She wouldn't fall for it again. Riley smiled a knowing smile and raised her eyebrows, "Now you."

"Speaking of dates, which don't think I didn't notice, we're addressing that in a second. Guess who's a couple now? Zay and Isadora. Apparently all it took was Huckleberry trying to get all up in that thang for Mr. Babineux to do something about that crush he's had forever." Riley's smile fell. She tried not to think of Farkle and how this might make him feel. Maya saw her frown.

"Everyone's given the okay for it." She clarified. "Isn't it beautiful how friends can become lovers and lovers can be really good friends?" Maya said with more compassion than Riley thought she could muster. Riley thought she was probably making the case for forgiveness for Lucas but that was the farthest thing from her mind.

In truth, Maya knew something happened with her best friend and though months had passed, Riley hadn't told her what it was. It was hurting Maya that something had so obviously wounded Riley and she'd rather leave the country than talk about it. She'd talked to Farkle about it, concerned for Riley but he hadn't heard from her since that night and every time Maya mentioned Riley, he basically shut down.

"Yeah." Riley replied smiling though even through webcam, Maya could tell it did not reach her eyes.

"Farkle's maybe secretly seeing someone?" Maya shielded her mouth in a secret way, as if she wasn't sitting in a room completely alone.

"Oh?" Riley asked nonchalantly though her insides were screaming. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, according to Zay, he hasn't been with anyone in months. Like? That doesn't sound like him, right? And why else would he be so pro-Zay dating Isadora? Seems suspect." She narrowed her eyes.

Riley nodded robotically, "Okay." Maya was trying to get a read on Riley, she was giving her nothing.

"The guy. Tell me about him." Riley rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner but the corners of her mouth curled up in a smile.

"Sidenote: Jason wants to see you again when you're back stateside." Maya gestured with her hands for Riley to continue who had a thoroughly offended face on as she threw her hands in the air.

"Hot. So so hot but dumb as a bag a rocks."

"Aww," Maya said sympathetically. "Do we know that for sure?" Riley nodded emphatically.

"I require proof." Maya said in a fake British accent.

Riley perked up and cleared her throat. Mimicking her proper tone, she enunciated, "While doing a lesson on STI's that can be passed from moms to infants, he said and I quote, Ew but why is anyone having sex with babies? Endquote."

"Well, we know he's not a pedophile." Maya chirped.

Riley shook her head with disappointment and feigned offense, "The bar is just… set so low for me, isn't it?"

'I just want you to be happy." Maya urged.

"I know," Riley replied. She was trying not to sound annoyed but this line of question was tiresome to her.

"So…" Maya started. _Oh here it comes._ "What'd the letter say?"

"This conversation is not making me happy." Riley teased, "besides, it's none of your business."

"Of course it is. If it wasn't I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of steaming it open, reading it, and resealing it before sending it along."

"Maya! That is a federal offense." She scolded.

"I wish," she sighed with boredom. "Haven't done anything illegal since ...like when Josh and I did it in the park."

"Okay first of all, TMI and secondly, that's definitely illegal."

"Anyways," she completely glossed over Riley's reaction, "I had a question about part of it, something I just couldn't get out of my head."

"What?" Riley croaked angrily.

"What did Ranger Rick mean when he said 'put his hands on you'?"

"Maya…" Riley started, knowing the turn this was taking. "You should have never read that. That was personal."

"Because it almost sounds like…" Maya fake laughed, "he tried to push you around and I don't take well to you being pushed around." Her tone grew serious and angry.

"I broke his nose Peaches, I'm fine. I can fight my own battles and that wasn't him, it was the drink. He's getting help and is having a rough enough time as it is."

"I've got half a mind to fly down to Texas and kick his little cowboy ass."

"Like hell you are," Josh shouted from off screen. "No Texas ever!"

Riley looked at the camera with confusion as Maya clarified, "He only tolerated Lucas because of you, he **really** doesn't like him now."

"I was afraid of this, can you not tell anyone else? He's struggling and doesn't need to lose any more." Anger shone clear in Maya's bright blue eyes.

"Seriously? I'm seriously supposed to help you protect him after all of this?"

"I'm not asking you to do that, just for you to be a friend to him as much as you're being to me."

"You want me to go be a supportive friend in Texas?" She asked condescendingly.

"No Texas ever!" The shout came again.

"I don't wanna fight with you." Maya said understandingly.

"Not over Lucas." Riley amended.

"Not again." Maya laughed.

"That was a bad time." Riley said.

"Who you tellin!?" Josh yelled from off screen. Maya huffed as Riley giggled.

"He has so much to say, does he want to talk?" Riley looked expectant, she had not spoken to her family in so long.

"Hey! You wanna talk to our niece?!" Maya screamed across the house. The microphone crackled, struggling to contain the magnitude of her voice.

"I'm good!" Josh shouted back. Maya shrugged at the camera.

"Peaches I hate to leave you like this but I'm gonna be late for dinner if I don't leave now."

"With Hot Bag o' Rocks?" Maya teased.

"With Ready to Pop, we'll see what happens with bag of rocks. He's alright to look at, we'll see where it goes."

"Ow oww! Look at you, Ms. Possibilities." Maya was excited to see Riley smiling, she was even talking about other guys. She knew her best friend was still hurting but it was nice`to see her excited about meeting new friends, even if the only thing Maya knew about said person was that she was 'ready to pop.' Riley loves learning about people and also babies, so this was ideal. Realistically, she'd never give Bag O Rocks a chance and that was okay, what mattered was that she was open to the possibility.

 **Author's Note:** There might be a slight jump in time coming up, nothing very serious but thought I should forewarn yall that it's coming. Might not be the next chapter but the one after that, I'm not quite sure. It's drafted but I don't know if I want to write/add fluff? Thanks for reading guys, as always, I love your comments and criticisms so let me know if you liked/hated/predicted something or just what you thought in general :)


	22. Chapter 22

One year, three months and 14 days. That was how long it had been since Riley had seen either of her best friends in person. She wrote Maya often and they video chatted weekly but that was not the only person she truly missed. It was a different kind of longing she felt for Farkle. For the simple times that brought her peace; lying her head on his shoulders, how their conversations were so effortless, how skin always found skin. How they blended together so seamlessly that they couldn't decipher where he ended and she began. Her host family was two old, married farmers that made silly jokes to one another and an easily embarrassed teenaged girl that reminded Riley of Auggie. Her and Riley and eventually a third new visitor shared a room and became fast friends.

While Farkle weighed heavy on her mind in the earlier few months, recently something much more important was occupying her time. Her arms and hours were occupied with someone softer, smaller, much more gentle. Someone that was happiness and sadness twisted into something new. Familiar eyes smiled back at her as she rubbed the top of a fuzzy head.

* * *

"You had no right to do this, Joshua!"

"Do what? Take time off for OUR honeymoon, which is at least a year overdue?" He yelled throwing his hands in the air. Maya came up with a half-baked excuses twice now every time he was ready to take her to Paris. The tickets were bought. He could get time off whenever he wanted but this time, unlike the past couple of attempts, he took a month off of work without asking Maya what dates she was asking for off. She was livid when he told her.

"Make a decision for the both of us without consulting me." Maya shouted back at him. She had no real problems with the time he asked for off, she was just afraid of vacationing with her husband. There were lots of things scary about them leaving their life together behind even if it was only for a couple of weeks.

"Well if I had told you, we would have just stalled again. Do you not want to go to Paris?"

"Of course I do," Maya sighed defeatedly.

"Then why can't we?" Josh's blue eyes softened as he tried to understand her frustration.

"I'm…." She started reluctant.

"Yeah?" Josh asked expectantly.

"Scared."

"Of what Maya?" He sighed deeply.

"That I won't wanna come back." She said with baited breath. Josh chuckled at this, causing Maya to furrow her brow in anger.

"That's any vacation, wife. Doesn't mean we should just never go."

"I mean, it's such a rich person's concept Josh. 'Let's take time off of our jobs to do nothing together'" She mocked. He pulled her down onto the sofa.

"Hey," He put his arm around her. "We work hard. We work really hard. It's okay if we take a break, besides you haven't finished your collection yet so maybe you'll be inspired."

"I know I'll be inspired." she pouted. She dropped her face into her hands.

"There's more?" He asked. She nodded, face still in hands. He rubbed her back, "If the next thing you say is Riley related, we're divorcing." She looked up at him and exclaimed, "It's just everything's wrong with her not here! What's even the point of coming home after?"

"Your job, my job, your parents, my brother… I can go on if you want…" He mused.

"It was supposed to be us, you know? Her and me meeting the world together, she didn't even say anything, she just left. It blows."

"I know. Look, I don't get it because I've never had a friend that good, I've never had my own Shawn or Riley but I've seen it growing up. You grow up, things change. Relationships change. I know it's not the same but it is you and me forever. I'd love to see the world with you if you'd have me."

"I would love to." Maya smiled, "I need time though,"

"There's time in Paris." He grinned goofily at her, she gave in grinning back.

"I'm glad you don't have a Riley or Shawn." Maya declared. Josh bit back a grin.

"The jealousy would just kill you wouldn't it?" Josh smiled arrogantly.

"I don't honestly know how you do it." Maya laughed. He leaned into her. "Well, it helps she's not here." He whispered.

"That's very mean." She pouted.

"I wanna keep my woman to myself, I'm selfish like that."

* * *

"We have a visitor today Mr. Friar," The nurse grinned as she brought a tray with a sandwich, a glass of milk and a bag of chips on it. _Must be Zay day,_ Lucas thought. Every month or so, Zay made it a point to come visit his best friend to make sure he was in good spirits and his recovery was going well. It was a small comfort to Lucas to see a familiar face but also something of a burden. He was embarrassed he required that kind of support.

"You could just say Zay's here, I know you know who he is," Lucas huffed to the overly cheery nurse. Her name was Adria and she was nice enough, probably even had a bit of a crush on Zay because every day he visited Lucas he could swear she was more excited to see him.

"It's not Mr. Babineux," she smiled like she had a secret. "It's a _lady_ visitor, very pretty."

Lucas gulped hard at the thought of Riley coming to see him. In his apology, he had written how much he'd like to see her again but he didn't know how true that was. He missed her, he wondered if she missed him too. She had never written back though. He had heard that she left the country almost a month early without saying goodbye to anyone and that had hurt plenty of people. To Lucas though it had served one major purpose though, it had made everyone a little more compassionate to him going to rehab. Only one or two people knew about his shame and how his alcoholism played a part in ending them and Maya had almost forgotten about it. She had almost forgiven him, every time he saw her he felt how close to forgetting she was. No such luck with Josh though who glared daggers at him every chance he got. His breath hitched when he saw his unexpected visitor enter.

"May I take a seat?" The bespectacled brunette asked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Isadora…" Lucas stuttered. "Hello." She looked him in the eye and he quickly averted his gaze to the floor. This was awkward. In his making amends portion of his program he had written Smackle a letter too. Zay thought it was genius in its brevity.

Isadora pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her purse with the words, "Isadora. Forgive me. Love, Lucas" scribbled on it. She smoothed it on the table as she looked at Lucas and back at the empty chair across from her, signaling him to sit.

"Hi Lucas. I hope it's alright I drop in on you like this."

"Yeah...no it's fine, is Zay coming?" He put his butt in the chair she stared at.

"Isaiah doesn't know I'm here." She continued to smooth the paper in front of her. Lucas raised an eyebrow as a lump grew in his throat. Was he about to cry? Was he about to puke? He could feel himself sweating.

"Here as in the facility…?"

"Here being Texas."

"Oh." Lucas gulped. "He thinks you're in New York."

"I'm not here to talk about that." She continued to smooth the letter onto the table. It looked to be smooth and crumpled a million times over.

"Look, making amends is part of the program and.."

"I have an understanding of how 12 step programs work, Lucas. I guess I'm here for some insight on this letter you sent me, if you can even call it that…"

"I'm sorry." Lucas blurted out.

"About…?" Smackle raised an eyebrow at him.

"...Whatever I'm supposed to be sorry about. Look I don't know. I know I messed this up, I don't know how but I know I hurt a lot of people and I'm trying to cover my bases."

"This." She smacked the letter on the table. "Is a cop out. I don't buy it. Isaiah values your friendship and his relationships mean a great deal to me. He means a great deal to me-"

"I know." Lucas interrupted. Isadora glared at him.

"I wasn't done talking. He means a great deal to me and I can understand why you did what you did. You were hurt and the attraction's always been there you beautiful Creepy McCreepcreep but I need you to understand something. Something you and I have always had in common, we've been the stars. We're used to the spotlight and Isaiah has been an amazing supporting player but this story: our story is just that. Ours. His and mine."

"It'll be a good one." Lucas found himself smiling through his discomfort. "Can I ask you something Smackle?"

"Isadora-" She corrected. After what seemed to be the longest second ever she said, "Go ahead."

"How come I didn't know about you and Zay sooner?" Smackle smiled an awkward smile, trying to recall all of her self-imposed social training to put her next words delicately.

"He loves you like a brother Lucas but your friendship has always been about you and that's awful. He is a thoughtful, sensitive, hilarious man. He is wonderful and he deserves better but Isaiah has put his faith in you so I'm going to do the same. I trust his judgment." Lucas felt a pit in his stomach.

"I'm glad he has you." He choked out, a tear slipped down his face. He wiped it away quickly trying to avoid detection.

"That I believe." She said, grabbing her purse and getting up to leave. She smiled at him before heading towards the door.

"Lucas?"

"Yeah Sma- Isadora?" Lucas sniffed.

"Thanks for kissing me. Managed to get your best friend's head out of his ass." She smirked.

"Anytime," He chuckled. She looked into his eyes and for the first time that day, he managed to hold her gaze unashamed. He smiled genuinely and her eyes softened.

"Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you have to go away forever. We're friends. We help one another, it's our jobs," she said to him. He nodded as she made her way out.

"Have fun in rehab!" She shouted behind her thoughtlessly causing Lucas to smile.

* * *

Riley was on her weekly visit in town, waiting for Maya to call as she checked her email. She had one from Auggie, which was sweet and strange. They would talk on the phone sometimes and write letters but he wasn't big on the emailing thing. She opened it reluctantly as an embedded video loaded. The subject title was "Did you know?" The sentence before the loading thumbnail was 'he sings?' The thumbnail came into view. It was Farkle sitting on a foldable chair holding a guitar. His hair was unkempt and there was puffiness under his eyes. She didn't want to press play.

Auggie liked Farkle, he wasn't subtle about how he would support his and Riley's relationship if it were ever to come to pass. He made this known to her every chance she got, much to Riley's display. Without thinking, she clicked the thumbnail as it glitched for a moment. A deeper than familiar voice came out of her speakers.

"I'm Farkle Minkus and I'll be singing a few bars for you today. Hope… it's okay." He said without feeling. He began strumming the guitar as Riley realized this was an audition. His voice wasn't like how he remembered. It was darker, almost gravvely. He sounded robotic and worn. The chords to 'Ain't No Sunshine' were playing and she instinctively clicked to pause it as he opened his mouth to sing. Tears were coming down her face though she didn't realize it. She wasn't ready. The infant in her arms stirred as Riley wiped her face clean. The infant's big brown eyes stared brightly at her. Riley smiled sadly down to her.

"Well Dani, you ready to meet your family?" The baby cooed happily towards her.

"Glad that makes one of us," Riley wiped another tear away as her video call chime began to go off.

"!" Maya screamed unintelligibly as she always did when she greeted Riley these days.

"Hi Peaches, I'm glad I turned the volume down, she just woke up." Riley replied, hoping video quality would hide the remnants of tears on her face.

"Is that the famous Daniela? Lean the camera down Riles!" She did as she was told and the baby cooed at Maya via camera.

"Oh my goodness! She is a cutie patootie." Maya said, surprised by the words escaping her mouth and the babyesque tone she used.

"Yeah she is," Riley grinned. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna be a little sad when I find her dad."

Maya frowned sympathetically, she could see the sadness on Riley's face despite her repeatedly smiling down at the baby. "She looks just like her mom," Riley said tearfully.

"Riley I'm so sorry. I don't want you to think I'm being insensitive because I understand how hard this is for you, but how is the search going?"

"I don't understand why she left her to me, there's a million American volunteers she could have asked-"

"Because she felt something bad could happen and she saw how good of a person you are, Riles. Anyone can see that. She trusted you. That's why she gave the most important task of her life to you."

"I just look at her and she's just like her mom and so beautiful. She was my age, it doesn't make sense."

"It never does, sweetie. These things never make any sense. I wish you were here."

"I will be. Soon." Riley grinned. "New York. That's where the search is taking me. It's upstate but still…"

"WHAT?! WHEN!" Maya shook with excitement.

"You're gonna be mad…" Riley said, flinching away from the camera. "The day you leave."

"NO. No no no no!" Maya yelled angrily.

"Peaches," Riley said softly. "Have a good honeymoon. Spend time in the city of the love with your soulmate. You've got the dream." Riley didn't mean to sound envious because she was so happy for her but Maya felt guilty that Riley was the one left without.

"Sweetie." She said sounding almost maternal. "Do you wanna talk about it."

"After you get back," she smiled earnestly, "It's nothing to concern yourself with right now." Riley switched tabs for a moment to reply to Auggie's e-mail. She typed the words "Butt out." and hit send.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I know, I know. I kind of disappeared for a little bit but it wasn't my fault! I work in retail and y'all are aware what time of year it is. Depression's back full swing and I've been super stuck but I think I know where I'm going now. Thanks for reading and as always, I could always use your likes or reviews! :)


	23. Chapter 23

Josh clutched the hand of his nearly dozing off wife.

"How? You're almost 30, you've been on dozens of flights. Just HOW can you be afraid of this?"

"I'm not scared." Josh lied as he squeezed her hand so tight, her knuckles went white. "This part just makes me uncomfortable."

"Babe you're hurting me," Maya lied.

He let go instantly and his face went red from embarrassment, "Sorry."

"I'm sorry I lied to you, you weren't hurting me. Just didn't feel like holding your hand." She sang. Josh furrowed his brows.

"When have you ever not wanted to hold my hand?"

"Uhh... right now ya big baby." She teased. "Besides whose hand ya gonna hold when you're flying alone?"

"Yours. I married you so I won't have to fly alone." He grinned big looking proud of himself.

"You really like listing reasons you married me." Maya mused.

"I really like reminding myself I'm married to you. I like reminding other people too," He grinned.

"Do other people forget?" Maya grinned back goofily at him, Josh shook his head no.

"Never for long." Maya grabbed his hand again.

"Look, we're in the air now." She sighed happily as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"You were not just mean to me to distract me from us taking off…" Josh pouted.

"Why, I would never," Maya replied innocently. He planted a kiss atop her head.

* * *

Every time the doorbell rang, he thought it was her. Logically, he knew that she had her own keys and probably wouldn't use the bell. She'd probably just let herself in. Farkle narrated his day aloud to no one in particular some days. It didn't help. Auggie visited a few times, even went to some of his auditions which was sweet and strange, but even he stopped coming around after a while. Farkle was bombing his auditions. Every single one of them. He could act happy, he could act normal. Directors saw through it though, his normal wasn't enough. His smiles weren't reaching his eyes. His happy wasn't happy enough. He wasn't enough. He had lost his best friend, he felt like half of him had been ripped from him and there was nothing he could do about it. Zay lived in Lucas's old apartment but spent most of his days split between Farkle and Isadora. Even Zay's jovial demeanor couldn't shake Farkle. He was a failure. He stood, pacing the room. He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair and wondered how to fix things.

You miss her. You know that don't you? You miss her more than you've missed anyone in your entire life. Everything's wrong. Why didn't I know that morning she was going to leave? I knew she'd run away I just didn't know it was going to be… so far. You should have expected this Farkle. You're an idiot. You thought she'd freak out in bed and you'd hold her and she'd realize how perfect everything actually was. You actually thought that? You're delusional.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't even hear the keys in the door. The door opened and there she was. He thought he was imagining her. She opened her mouth to say something when he noticed her arms were full. A bright-eyed baby was the last thing he saw before the world went black and he felt himself collapse on the floor. He didn't know how long he was out for before he felt splashes of water on his face. He didn't know how he got there but his head was in Riley's lap and the baby was next to him. His eyes were wide as he stared the baby down.

"Farkle!" Riley snapped him out of it. "Hello to you too." She joked. Her strategy was simple. Pretend like she left yesterday and nothing had happened.

"That's- you're- " His eyes began to cross.

"Do not faint again Farkle." She commanded. Farkle sat up slightly.

"She is not yours. Chill."

"You- with another- Oh." He looked puzzle. "What?"

"She's not mine either." She clarified.

"Huh?" His face suddenly grew more concerned. "Riley, did you steal a baby?"

"There she is!" Ava squealed from the open door.

"We missed you." Auggie yelled from beside her.

"Look at this little angel," Ava snatched Dani from Riley's arms. Riley scrunched her eyebrows in worry. "August, I want 10."

"Yikes." is all Auggie said in response. "You guys look cozy," He smirked at the two.

Farkle cleared his throat and got up off of Riley's lap. "Sorry. Still confused."

"You two probably have a lot of catching up to do. Go! We got her." Riley took Farkle's hand and dragged a very confused Farkle out of the apartment. Farkle dropped her hand the moment they got out. He looked at her with a strange mix of confusion and hurt.

"I know but please can we go somewhere and sit down and just talk?" Riley replied to something he hadn't said.

"Now you wanna talk?" Farkle began to feel anger rise in him that he hadn't let himself feel for a long time.

"Farkle- we have so much talking to do and if you don't want to, that's okay but I'm very hungry so please can we just go get food and you can bite my head off if you want or we can sit in silence but I just really need my friend right now." Riley pleaded. Farkle studied her face, still in disbelief at her presence. She wasn't the asking for help type so he obliged. He didn't want to be mad at her but the truth was, he didn't realize how upset he was until he saw her again. He began walking away as Riley frowned behind him.

"Wait!" She called out. "Where are you going?"

"You want food, c'mon." He huffed. She almost smiled that small, secret smile that she kept reserved only for him.

* * *

Author's Note: I know this one's kinda short but it's really a bridge chapter.


	24. Chapter 24

Riley stuffed her face full of a plate of french fries. "Wow, I feel like I haven't eaten in -" She continued her words with her mouth full. Farkle looked to her with an exhausted look of disbelief.

"Riley." He tried to stop her, slightly agitated.

"Hmm?" She gestured a fry towards him. He shook his head rejecting it. She proceeded to shove it in her mouth. She was hungry, she wasn't lying about that but she wasn't _this_ hungry. She was avoiding having this conversation. In her mind she went over again and again what she was going to say to him.

"You're going to give yourself a stomach ache. Please stop." Farkle reasoned painfully, though he didn't want to. He knew what she was doing and though he wasn't thrilled about her avoidance, he couldn't pretend that deep down he wasn't ecstatic to see her. She looked up from her plate at him, with those big brown eyes that always got him. She was wide-eyed, just examining his face. His eyes were the same but his face seemed so much older, like the single year they had spent apart had somehow aged him a century. She sighed. He sighed in return. They sat in silence for a moment.

"So to start-" Farkle chose his words carefully.

"The baby." Riley said decisively. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jeeze yes, what's with the baby?"

"She's a friend's daughter." Farkle raised an eyebrow at this.

"You're not the friend." She clarified. He chuckled nervously in return.

"Well, do I know this friend?" Farkle asked gently before it clicked for him why she would possibly have another's person's baby in her care. His demeanor softened as he sighed, her eyes stayed glued on the plate.

"Can I get something alcoholic?" Riley finally looked up towards the bartender.

"What?" A gruff voice caught her attention, he seemed familiar.

"Um. Surprise me?" She said half-heartedly though she was smiling at the man for a reason she couldn't tell. He was tall with dark hair and just the beginnings of a beard. The edges of his lips curled into a smile in return. He thought to himself what a lovely smile she had, he hardly saw Farkle glaring daggers at him. For a moment, nothing existed except this beautiful woman and him.

He brought himself out of his stupor and tried to act cool. His part-time gig as a bartender gave him an air of mystery so it was usually a lot easier to do but he found himself stumbling not to try too hard.

"You look like you want something pink with an umbrella in it." He tried to joke. She laughed hard at this, "I never want something pink with umbrellas."

"Whatever you want. On me." He flirted at her. Riley rolled her eyes playfully at him.

"Oh, for fucks' sake." Farkle muttered under his breath. "I don't think she needs for you to do that."

"I'm kind of seeing someone," Riley corrected him. "Double jack with ginger, light ice in a highball glass though, please." She smiled up from her glass. She had been gone so long that even Farkle couldn't tell if it was genuine or not.

"Anything you want," the bartender said as Farkle thought out loud, "You're seeing someone?"

"Aren't you too? I assume you've been keeping busy, Casanova." She asked, trying to sound as jovial and nonchalant as possible as she sipped the glass set before her.

She cleared her throat for no particular reason as she fidgeted with one of her bracelets. "Daniela's mom was one of the women I gave prenatal care to. She was involved with an American volunteer and they weren't really together when he left. From what I understand it was kind of this passionate fling that neither of them wanted to pursue and he left before Toni found out she was pregnant. There were complications. She trusted me with the task of finding her father before she passed, she knew that he'd want to be a part of her life. She said that's just the kind of man he was. I don't have much, just a name and a physical description somewhere in the state of New York. Anyways, that's why I'm home, at least for now."

"Toni? Were you close?" Farkle managed to choke out as he watched Riley trace her jewelry and avoid eye contact.

"Antonia, um." Riley started quietly, "We were friends. I knew her for a few months and she was really cool, ya know?" Her voice was somber and matter of fact. "She was our age, so it didn't really make sense." Riley's voice cracked. "Ever since she found out she was pregnant she just knew she wasn't going to make it and it was so silly, you know? Because on paper there was no reason. Everyone did everything right. She was healthy, Dani was healthy, it was a normal delivery. She had regular checkups, got decent health care, had a good diet. It didn't make sense. None of it made any sense." Tears forced their way out, she hung her head trying to hide them as she tried to sniff them back.

"Riley," Farkle rubbed her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"I can't imagine my life without my mom and Dani never even got to -" She wiped her face as she looked up at Farkle who looked like he was in a strange, sad daze. He was confused about where his anger for her had gone and what kind of person would leave such a task with a stranger but then he remembered who that stranger was. He saw her eyes reflect a similar state; things were worse for her than before she left. First Lucas, then everything that happened with Farkle and then while she was away… Farkle tried to wrap his head around how she could eat or drink or flirt with the amount of sadness he saw in her.

"What?" She asked, softly. She smiled at him, unable to decipher the look on his face: he was trying to put the pieces together of an unsolvable puzzle.

"That's a tremendous responsibility a virtual stranger left to you." He said to her.

Her eyes grew big as she agreed in a too-Riley fashion, "I know, right?" Her candor made him laugh and she laughed along.

"I'm sorry things have been so blank between us."

"Blank?" Farkle questioned. She shrugged.

"I keep trying to put an adjective in that sentence to make it right and nothing seems like... enough."

"I was really angry at you."

"I know. You seem really angry right now," Riley laughed at his arm around her shoulder, consoling her.

"The whole thing with Dani and her mom, that must have been-" Farkle started, Riley shot him a look as if to stop him.

"It was hard…" she said with determination, "but I'm fine."

"You're fine and home for good?" Farkle tried not to look or sound too hopeful, he was still logically very angry at her (though looking at her tear-stained face with a plateful of french fries in front of her he had trouble recalling this.)

* * *

"Maya you have to come out at some point, we can't spend the entire vacation in a hotel room. Well we certainly can, but not like this." Josh tried to reason with his wife, who had locked herself in the bathroom.

"Just a little patience, lover!" She shouted out as she tried to fluff volume into her hair. She had donned a sheer black babydoll with matching panties with pink satin trim and bows in provocative places. She had done her make-up all up and smokey like she knew Josh liked. The minute they stepped off of the plane, Maya was in love with the feel of this place: The way the air felt electric to her and smelled sweet like pastries, the love she felt when she would catch Josh just watching her take it all in with child-like wonder and awe; she loved it all. She heard music start softly from inside the bedroom. It was a song that she recognized from a bittersweet memory.

* * *

(6ISH YEARS AGO)

Maya Hart was single. Free again. She was damn good at it, too. It wasn't poor Jake's fault, he had done everything right. Too right even, until that one tragic mistake. The word: the dreaded word that Maya only kept for friends and close family. The dope told her he **loved** her and from that moment on, Maya Hart had done everything to sabotage a seemingly lovely relationship.

It drove him crazy too, he had told her while calling it quits, that she played these games instead of being straight with him. She wanted to be straight with him, she had claimed but secretly this was her favorite part of relationships. She liked to make things go boom. It was always her idea to break up but she wasn't ever the one to do it. It was her diabolical plotting and scheming that managed to get her single. While it stung when these men that claimed to love her moments ago turned on her and said awful things about her, she lived for the conflict. That emotional game of chicken she always won. She loved any excuse to drown yourself in the company of friends and loud music and too much alcohol and the art that flowed out of you afterwards, it was her drug and she was addicted.

She was out celebrating her freedom with the closest friend, Riley, who was honestly not much help. She was happily in a relationship and she didn't quite understand the concept of celebrating at something's end.

"It's not graduation Peaches, your heart is broken! We shouldn't be here." Riley protested, drink in hand.

"My heart is fine," Maya scoffed at her, "Mama needs a new butt." Riley furrowed her eyebrows.

"Peaches, you're perfect the way you are. If Jake didn't like your tushy, he's blind."

"Obviously but I meant to grab," Maya wriggled her eyebrows suggestively at her friend in the flashing lights. The music was loud and Riley could barely hear her but she knew her best friend and she knew those eyebrows so she had to have said something naughty.

"What about that one!?" Riley shouted, pointing at a random butt dancing in the crowd. As the man continued to move, she watched Maya's eyes light up in an all too familiar fashion. She had seen that look every once awhile for years. _No._ Riley thought to herself, _Gross._ Glancing back at the man, he turned and Riley watched in terror as it was none other than her uncle.

Maya grinned deviously, "You picked him."

"I just picked a butt, I didn't mean for it to be a Matthews butt!" Riley protested. Maya wriggled her eyebrows at this.

"Matthews have the best butts though," Maya defended.

"Flattery isn't going to make this okay, Peaches!" Riley pouted. "You know what will though? Shots!" Maya grinned big in agreement. She didn't need consoling but Riley would try her best to play the part of the life of the party to ease any hurt Maya could possibly be feeling.

Maya headed toward the bar, glancing back repeatedly at Riley. Once she was sure she wasn't looking, she made a beeline to the dancing man. It was dark save a few flashing lights. _A little dancing couldn't hurt,_ she thought to herself. Almost as if confirmation from the universe, one of her favorite songs came on and she began moving closer and closer to Josh. She flipped her hair once and caught his eye.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her inch closer to him but as Maya looked back she saw a dazed, vacant look on his face. He hadn't seen her. Almost a challenge, she backed herself into him. There were centimeters between them. She didn't mean to flip her hair again but she threw her hair back, her hair nearly smacking Josh in the face. The smell of strawberries filled his nostrils. He recognized it but couldn't place where from. Josh was a good and decent young man and this normally wasn't his scene but after a not-quite break up, his guy friends convinced him being drunk and ground up on by a beautiful girl was exactly what he needed. He had no intention of touching anyone but this girl, man. She was certainly changing his mind. Something about the way she moved, it was hypnotic and when they started dancing together? The rest of the room kind of faded out. He couldn't quite see her face but those long, golden locks and that body. The alcohol coursing through his veins and his true nature competed with one another. He wanted to touch her so badly and she really seemed to want to be touched. They were playing a game of chicken. Her face was flushed and her entire body felt like it was on fire. Dancing with him was surreal, she wanted to push boundaries. She had no idea what became of their long game but she leaned her head back onto his chest, finally succumbing to the want to feel him. She felt him take a deep breath, not being able to tell if it was an inhale or a sigh. She tugged on the collar to his flannel until he dropped his head next to hers so she could say as audibly as possible. "Buy me a drink."

He nodded as she led him, hand first to the bar. Halfway through the crowd, she saw the realization dawn on him. His face fell into a quizzical expression as he ordered two shots of tequila.

"We're gonna need more than that," Riley corrected, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. She shot Maya a scolding expression.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** A lot of time has passed, I don't know if anyone cares anymore. The cancellation stung pretty bad. A lot of stuff and depression are happening pretty hardcore. If anyone's still out there, let me know. If you exist, be sure to read  & review and I'll try to update more frequently. I do have plans, I just hardly get a chance to sit down and get it all out.


	25. Chapter 25

It was her third shot and she began to feel warm and happy: like she was supposed to feel, like everyone expected her to feel. She didn't notice the eyes on her analyzing her every move; her uncle secretly judging her, her best friend less secretly doing the same.

"Ay! Party foul! The fuck, Riles?" Maya loudly exclaimed, expecting the music to drown her out, "Save some for the rest of us," Josh joked. Maya shot Josh a look, much different than than the ones she was giving him on the dance floor: Protectiveness? Concern.

"Calm down! We do this all the time!" Riley slurred at her uncle.

Maya shook her head, "We most certainly do not. We do several shots over the course of many hours." Maya enunciated, sounding way too much like Riley for her own liking.

"Lucas and I do this all the time! It's fun!" Riley exclaimed. Maya raised her eyebrows in offense and glanced over at Josh to see anger grow on his face. She felt a pang of affection she thought she was through with on his face.

"Honey," Maya started, "Aren't we supposed to be fixing my _broken heart?_ We can't do that drunk!" She reasoned with Riley, making sure to use words she knew would appeal to her. Normally, she would be all for the rare Party Riley appearance, but not tonight. Not while she couldn't enjoy it and Josh was watching.

"That's true," Riley said thoughtfully.

"You know what'd I'd REALLY like?" Maya spoke slowly and emoted intensely as if she were speaking to a child. "If we could go home and eat ice cream and watch those girly movies you and Zay like so much."

"EVERYONE likes them!" Riley argued. "I like them. Uncle Josh likes em, you like em Maya!"

"Okay, maybe she's had a bit more than I expected," Josh said, his face flushed. Maya smirked at him.

"And what kind are your Uncle Josh's favorite?" Maya mused out loud as if he weren't standing right there.

"Cinderella! Any of the Cinderella stories. He LOVESSSS those." Riley says matter of factly, also forgetting her uncle was right there.

"Why's that?"

"He's a big ol sucker for love being the answer to any bad situation. Plus, I think it's because the heroine reminds him of someone if ya know what I mean…" Riley fake nudged her best friend and tried to wink.

"Don't kids say the darndest things?" Maya laughed to Josh, who was trying his best to not look like a petrified tomato. He cleared his throat.

"I'm taking her home, it was good seeing you." He managed to get out between breaths of mortification, grabbing Riley's hand.

"Uh uh, I brought her out, I'm taking her home," Maya countered, snatching Riley's hand back from him. Her hand grazed his in doing so and she instantly jumped back at the electricity, all of her dance floor courage was gone.

"Fine." He pretended not to feel her reaction to their hands touching. "I'm coming with then,"

"Whoa now buddy boy, you've been drinking. You're not driving anywhere and we're not fourteen anymore, we didn't need _escorting_ out of here." She spat the word as if it were an insult.

"Well whether you're a teenager or not, I'm coming with you. That's still my niece and you're still-" Maya raised an eyebrow at him to choose his next words carefully.

"A young woman," Josh sighed. She looked at his eyes, still kind, still making her tummy flutter by just being in the same room as her. Maya turned to walk away, Riley in hand and motioned for him to follow.

"And they say chivalry's dead," Riley retorts while they leave the loud, crowded place together. They walk slowly, as Maya's grip on Riley loosens and she began to sober up and Josh patiently followed in silence. Riley sighed loudly and dramatically half a street from then, and Maya shot her a glare. "I gotta pee!" Riley clarified, Maya thinks to herself how childlike Party Riley really is.

"Okay, this restaurant has a bathroom, let's go," Maya reasoned. Riley furrowed her brows.

"I can pee alone Peaches,"

"Yes but why would ya wanna?" Maya laughed. Riley rolled her eyes not-so-subtly to her uncle.

"I gotta call Lucas," she lied and scurried into the restaurant alone. Maya exhaled, leaning herself up against a brick wall.

"You're a good friend." Josh said, finally breaking his silence.

"I know," Maya pretended to check her phone. "Learnt from the best." Silence hung in between them again. After a long pause, she spoke again.

"You know in the original there was no fairy godmother, right?"

"What?" Josh choked, caught off gaurd.

"Cinderella. There was no fairy godmother and the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to fit in the slippers."

"Okay," he sounded slightly annoyed. "How did she get to the ball all dressed up then?"

"She wished on a tree that she grew at her dead mom's grave."

"That's ridiculous."

"Might be, but it's true. In the end the stepsisters get their eyes pecked out at the royal wedding."

"That's even more ridiculous." Josh scoffed. Maya shrugged, he pulled out his phone to check, only to find she was right.

"Love doesn't fix things, karma does."

"Both can."

"Both can, but only one does."

"Okay, I feel like you're arguing with me for some other reason than you not liking Cinderella."

"You gonna tell me how I feel again Boing?" Maya shot daggers at him. There were those wild, blue eyes he had tried so hard to forget. He hadn't been called Boing in what felt like too long.

"Maya," he reached for her hand. "I didn't forget about you, you know," He said bluntly. She looked at him confused and angry.

"Yeah? That's the reason I sat around waiting like an idiot?" Maya spat.

"Waiting like an idiot? I'm the one that sat around waiting around for you." Josh remarked angrily.

"And I'd know this how, from all of the communicating we've done since a couple of winters ago?"

"Maybe I haven't kept in touch the best because I was scared of falling for you but you've literally always had a boyfriend since then,"

"Okay and? You've always had a girlfriend too, just because you're handsome you think you can treat people however you want, it's bullshit."

"Yeah that's bullshit, not the fact that you expect me to show up and challenge any guy you're dating when you've given me no indication that you want me to do that."

"Well I thought the being in love with you since I was a kid and the long game was indication of that but I guess not,"

"I guess not," he huffed. "You are _not_ beautiful enough to be this difficult." He looked at Maya who looked more amused than offended. "What?" He asked, still wanting to sound angry.

"You're like really bad at lying." Maya laughed. Josh tried not to smile at her infectious laugh.

"You've been in love with me since you were a kid?" Josh asked her. Maya quickly stopped laughing.

In a smaller than her own voice she asked, "And you were afraid of falling for me?"

"Maya's never told any of her boyfriends she loved them!" Riley cut in out of nowhere, drunkenly.

"How long have you been there?" Maya and Josh both ask an unbelievably more drunk Riley. She found the bar.

"Long enough to know that Cinderella sucks and you guys are getting married." Riley half-belched.

"We've never even-" Maya started before

"Hey," Josh cut her off, "You wanna go out sometime?"

 **Author's Note:** Drunk Riley is a Joshaya stanner. Sorry to keep you guys on edge, I know it's not the long game you guys wanted but I've been planning them falling in love a little imperfectly for a bit so hopefully you guys don't hate me. Do you want a continued Joshaya story or should I switch back to Riley? Also, I'm gonna be gone for a while. Still unsure of whether or not I'm going to continue this story but I will keep you guys updated on all that goes on. Much love.


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